I've been at a point where I feel like I have nothing new to add to the blog, but I'll go ahead and jot some stuff down here.
Um...so I saw the hijabi at the library again and this time we said Salam to each other, so that was nice.
Anyway, the understanding about "walking the line," as God outlined has not helped me as much as I thought it might in terms of being content with wearing the headscarf. Although it does help me understand the hijabi police sheriffs who are ever so strict with the line--insisting it is drawn at the wrists, jawline, ankles, etc. (Although I do think they need to lighten up---I understand why they don't).
On the night of July 4th, I had to go to the local Wal-Greens to pick up a supply. It was nearly 10 PM and I was alone. I have not been out that late alone for years. I felt vulnerable, especially since I figured on July 4th, there are more rowdy people out there looking for a good time, plus the Wal-Greens store was about to close. So, all this anxiety added up and I of course felt worried about walking in with my headscarf, not wanting any attention or being the target of negative attention. I had the thought that some other Muslim might think, so what if it makes me a target? Allah will protect me because I am wearing this headscarf for Allah. But I didn't. I thought, if I feel threatened by this scarf, then why force the issue? So I wore my scarf loose around my head, very loose. As I waited in line, a group 4 teenage boys ran in and I got really nervous, they walked behind me and snickered although it could be for any reason. So anyway, that's just another story where afterwards I thought--I don't really DO hijab do I?
But I still feel in my heart that even if all the evidence points to the fact that God Himself thinks that women should only expose their face and hands (sometimes feet?) in pubic, He'll still forgive me and understand why it makes me feel uneasy and out of place doing so in this day in this country. So I'm cool with that. Although my first wish is that the headscarf was more common (and therefore less strange/mysterious/odd) in America, I also wish that NOT wearing the headscarf was more accepted in strict Muslim structures like my Islamic center.
But I know it's difficult for people to agree on where to draw the line...so it goes back to understanding why some Muslims cut through all the crap/pondering/wondering/feeing/analyzing (that is the content of most of my blog) and just say...the line is clear, now get on with it. I feel like I should do that and just shut up now! Perhaps I've said it all................