There was an error in this gadget

Thursday, April 14, 2011

All My Secrets Away

I've had a couple of  well-meaning persons give me their opinions and advice regarding the fact that I STILL struggle with wearing the scarf, that I STILL complain about wearing it, and that I STILL don't understand what it means to wear it.

They say it's simple and should be easy if I just make up my mind once and for all. Funny thing is, I DO make up my mind, but my mind keeps changing. I wear it fine when I go out with other adults, but when I'm alone...it's not that I feel more free---it's the opposite--alone, I feel more scared and vulnerable, so I don't wear it just fine. I feel bad about that, I do. Still, I have to justify it to myself: my anxiety is too high, my experience is too difficult.

I get defensive. I get down. This blog is stupid. Why am I writing this blog? This blog is...done.