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Friday, April 20, 2007

All or Nothing?

2nd day continued.
Ok, so I had to go back to the store I went to yesterday to return something. I had to think about the headscarf again. This time I was a lot more self-conscious than yesterday. I tried different styles of the scarf before I left. I felt I looked "too foreign." I finally settled on one. It was a light gray pakistani dubatta that i put on my head and through over one shoulder. My hair was up in a bun and totally covered in the back, but my bangs were clearly visible. And the scarf itself was slightly transparent. I knew that would not meet the requirements of full-on hijab, but I felt most comfortable that way. And when I say most comfortable, I mean really really self-conscious and uptight. Right before I entered the store, I had an impulse just to pull the whole thing off. But I didn't.

So I was thinking, if I can't do it the full-on way, then why should I do it at all? Is it counting for anything if I don't pin it and cover all the hair bits and ears and neck? And if it doesn't count, then maybe I should just chuck the whole thing. Why am I doing this again? What is the purpose of this again? Oh, my head. scarf.

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