A Bad Scarf Day

Man, I miss my hair. I mean, letting it all hang down, that is, when I go out, or anywhere. I saw a commercial in which the actress had very soft-looking, long wavy hair, no make-up, just very natural-looking beautiful, as it blew in the breeze on a beach. And I missed that feeling of looking naturally beautiful--letting the hair just be free in the wind. But I think it's weird that I felt like I was missing that because then as I tried to remember how I wore my hair before the headscarf, I wore it tied back in a bun 90 % of the time. But the thing is, the woman in the commercial looked very feminine. And that's what I miss, I think. Wearing the headscarf makes me feel foreign instead of feminine. And I think this feeling also has to do with not only the scarf itself, hiding my hair, but the way I wear it. Recently, I chopped off my hair so that it is short, but now I realize that it makes the scarf fall differently on my head. When the hair is long and it has to be put up in a bun under the scarf, it creates that bump in the back under the scarf that looks more feminine in style. Mine usually falls flat in the back now. And if it's wrapped tighter to eliminate that "big fabric effect" (when the scarf's fabric gathers in a big pile in front)that I don't like, it looks less feminine too. It sort of reminds me of a swimmer's cap or even a chemotherapy patient that way. Ugh.

And I know there's also a way to wrap and pin the scarf so that it actually resembles the look of long hair, especially if the scarf has some fringe on it, the way the character Rayann often wears hers on Little Mosque on the Prairie. I want to figure out how to do that, because that's what I miss--looking feminine. I don't like how her scarf "gathers" in the front like that, but I like how it hangs on the back. You can catch some more pics of her style here, at HIJAB CHIQUE, here's a view from the back:
And I don't think looking feminine is against the rule of hijab as you know by my previous posts. But still, even if I can get the scarf to flow to look more like long flowing hair, it's still a scarf--I miss my hair! One the few occasions where I did where my hair down in public, I got lots of positive feedback, "Wow, I've never seen you with your hair down--you look..." Apparently I look quite attractive that way (or at least I did--back in the day). Basically, as I get older and my youthful beauty fades--I miss looking attractive! And the scarf is hindering that "attractive" feeling too, of course. Hmm. Younger girls can look attractive even in the scarf, but the older one gets, the harder it is to feel..."pretty," but if one does not do hijab then she can use beauty "tricks" to enhance her beauty--the kind of tricks that do not work with hijab (hair highlights, a cool hair-cut, an outfit that highlights whatever physical assets she has left). So this blog is not just about wearing a headscarf in America--it's about getting OLD with a headscarf! But I know I'm not really old, my husband says I'm in my beauty "prime," although I don't feel like it these days. And I wonder, as I get older and older...how will the scarf fit into my life? It seems silly for an old lady to worry about her hijab doesn't it?

I know many might say, "well, a hijabi can "let it all hang out" in front of her husband or family or a party full of just women," but I do not seem to do that very often. As a mom of 2 young kids with a husband that works full time and volunteers full time, it's not like there is any time (or any reason) left over for me to get all pretty--most of the time I'm in my grubby house clothes and I have my hair pulled back again because who can do housework with their hair all hanging down? And even when I go to all-female parties, I usually have my scarf on and if I wanted to let it all hang out I'd have to go prep myself somewhere after I get inside the party, again, something that takes effort so I don't usually do. And plus, I'm not talking about the "dressing up" kind of beauty, I'm referring to that, walking on the beach with your hair flying in the wind kind of thing (not that I ever did that--but I want to now!)

It's a good thing that I was never really into styling my hair before the scarf. I know girls who go all out with the monthly highlights, haircuts, straighteners, etc. Their hair looks great, but I'm sure they miss it more once they cover it with a headscarf. In fact--their investment in/attachment to their hair is probably one thing that keeps them from wearing a headscarf in the first place. Some religions and/or cultures consider the woman's hair her crown and glory to be displayed. And how about those girls who start crying when their hair gets cut short--I was never "tied" to my hair like that--fortunately. But even still, I do "miss my hair", I mean, it was not hidden for so many years and now it is. So I don't look the same obviously.

And another thing off this topic--now if someone knocks on my door (usually a delivery man), I have to frantically run around trying to find where I left my long robe and then put on a scarf. By the time I get it all on, the guy is long gone and so is my package! And we have a little back porch in our apartment that my kids sometimes play on, and I usually sit inside by the door. But sometimes I need to rush out to help my kid with a toy or something and the same thing happens, I have to pull on my robe and scarf and it annoys me! I wish I could just quickly run out there without worrying about the cover-up. And actually that's what I do sometimes. I just us ally bend down so I am not totally visible to any passers-by. And what about having the drapes/blinds open during the day? I do that too. And I don't walk around in hijab in my own house. I just assume that it's difficult to see inside during the day. Hmm.

Anyway, back to the main point here. Bad hair days? How about bad scarf days. I went to a party and in the pictures I noticed that my scarf (which was an oblong one that I had pinned, one side hanging down and the other flipped to my back) had lost its shape and was sort of "balooning" around my neck, plus there was a part of my skin that was showing between my scarf and shirt. And what's worse---my scarf had become pointed on the top! Ugh! I hate that. Pointed on the tip, like an arrow pointing to the sky or like a pointed roof of a house. Blech. Why didn't anyone tell me? It's like walking around with spinach in your teeth every time you smile and no one tells you! Ugh.

Well, inshaaAllah...I'm going to grow my hair out long again. And then I'll wear it all down and lovely at the next all-female party. Hmm. But I'll have to dye it now since I'm getting lots of grey hairs now--good thing my scarf covers that up now ;-)