Scarf Ace

And Again.

2011-10-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

Bismillahiramaniraheem...Salaam sisters! This is for you "wants to wear hijab" and "Edana" and "smith" who have left comments on my previous posts. Your loyalty and interest is all I need to start again, sharing my views on the topic of wearing a headscarf in America.

Let's see, about two weeks ago, I had a conversation with my husband. It was intellectual, empathic, personal, and psychological. I do not want to get into the specifics of the points that were made yet, for I fear that since it has been such a short time, I am afraid if I spill it all out, it will become overly stated as "IT IS DONE," in which case I feel hesitant to commit to that sentiment, I don't want to jinx myself as I have in the past. I do not want to go backwards, only forwards, InshaaAllah. Bottom line, since that conversation I have been wearing my headscarf in the most proper manner as I can manage, a huge leap from the half on, half off, completely off, confusing, anxiety provoking daily struggles with that loaded concept of hijabi life to one of solid clarity and integrity. Please say your dua for me in hopes that I can maintain this 2 week old behavior and let it grow and grow so as to root itself in my mind, heart, and soul so that I never return again to the worries, the dilemmas, the confusions. Alhamdulillah.

In a related topic, creating a hijabi styled wardrobe takes a lot of effort, time, and knowledge, and also expense...if one is wanting to create a proper yet diverse set of options. At this point I am struggling with the "hijabi essentials," which in short form would include the obvious need for headscarves, proper long sleeved tops and bottoms, skirts, stockings, shoes, arm sleeves, neck extentions, underbonnets, pins, brooches, and the overwhelming "hijab tutorials" that have invaded YouTube. These videos offer a lovely view of different styles, yet they have yet to meet my needs in terms of being what I can feel is my style of Hijab. Amenakin has a great following and a great style, yet I feel her designs are for the younger set of girls. I would feel overwhelmed with all the pins and drapes as I must rush to get the kids to school, wanting a slimmer look rather than a large flowing wrapped layered look. I spend hours online trying to find products to meet my needs in terms of body size, fabric options, scarf types, and my personal rules regarding the use of jewelry and make up and flashy blinged out scarves. I am a mother of 3, 34 years old, I am gracefully surrendering the things of youth, thus, I can no longer wear zebra print underscarves of shiny sparkling sequined hijabs. And my climate is one of extreme heat. I currently do not have a supply of modest yet ultra-cool options. I'm still learning, it is exciting, yet I am hesitant to get carried away. I want to take it slow. I have been wearing one black jersey scarf everyday, pinned at the neck and folded around shoulders and chest. Depending on the style of the top, some days I feel covered properly, other days when the skin of my neck or chest escapes my attempts at clumsily pinning the fabric together leave me feeling embarassed. These are just flying thoughts through my mind. I hope it finds peace as well as continue to excite me in its possibilities...so many positive options will open, InshaaAllah. And brooches, I need simple brooches for tying the scarf. And I need shorter cardigans. And I need long sleeve knit shirts in every color. And petite size yoga pants (those are the sweat pants of my generation), and I need scarves that are light and opaque and do not drown my petite frame in bulging fabrics. Abayas are not my style, unless they are slightly modified to fit in an edgy style, and will have to be customized to meet my short, post-3 c-section baby delivery body. Thank you for reading and supporting and joining me. May God the Merciful keep you in His favor!

I'm Back.

2011-10-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Dear friends, I know at one point I had a handful of lovely followers. I am wondering if you are still here. If so, please comment. I want to continue to share my thoughts and discoveries on this. I'll do it anyway, but if I get some replies from you, I'll definitely do it sooner, inshaaAllah. Thank you for all your comments since the beginning.

All My Secrets Away

2011-04-14T02:19:00.000-07:00

I've had a couple of well-meaning persons give me their opinions and advice regarding the fact that I STILL struggle with wearing the scarf, that I STILL complain about wearing it, and that I STILL don't understand what it means to wear it.

They say it's simple and should be easy if I just make up my mind once and for all. Funny thing is, I DO make up my mind, but my mind keeps changing. I wear it fine when I go out with other adults, but when I'm alone...it's not that I feel more free---it's the opposite--alone, I feel more scared and vulnerable, so I don't wear it just fine. I feel bad about that, I do. Still, I have to justify it to myself: my anxiety is too high, my experience is too difficult.

I get defensive. I get down. This blog is stupid. Why am I writing this blog? This blog is...done.

Headcovering--It Ain't Just For Muslims!

2011-03-15T23:49:00.000-07:00

I find the history of headcovering fascinating. I came upon a website, Biblical Research Reports, which discusses the edicts of certain Christian and Jewish views on the rule of headcovering, fascinating and comforting and validating. Covering the head is not something that just us "crazy backward weirdo" Muslims do...it's a historically religious act of devotion, respectable, reputable, and sensible (for those devoted to God at least). I admire the way Christians take their faith not only to heart, but into practice. Many follow the law of their Bible as given to them in 1 Corinthians 11: ...

But every woman who prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head—it is the same as having her head shaved. ⁶ For if a woman does not cover her head, she might as well have her hair cut off; but if it is a disgrace for a woman to have her hair cut off or her head shaved, then she should cover her head. http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+11&version=NIV

Here is a fine article that discusses the application of this Biblical passage from writer Myron Dorst on the site, Biblical Research Reports, refuting the claim of other Christians who, according the Dorst and others, have distorted the meaning of I Corinthians 11: http://www.biblicalresearchreports.com/headcoveringmyths.php

I began a study on the headcovering when I was in college to find a basis that God no longer required the headcovering for today. I did not see a need for it. As I have studied the head covering in depth, I have discovered that there are many myths about the headcovering stated as truth. These false teachings are in many of the commentaries. They have been preached from the pulpit and have been passed from one Christian to another to give a "clear" understanding of what they want the Bible to say, but they have no Biblical or historical basis. They have been repeated so often that people believe them to be true and don't verify it for themselves. After all, many of those repeating these myths have their PhD. As a result the church is teaching, acting, and reacting on the subject of the head veil based on faulty information. In general, I have found a lack of quality scholarly research on the headcovering. ...It has been amazing to me in studying the headcovering how much we have been told by Christian sources that is not true. It appears that despite the high level of education today among Christians, many people are relying on other people's research or opinions rather then studying things for themselves. I challenge you to study 1 Corinthians 11 and other subjects for yourself as if you were hunting for hidden treasure (Proverbs 2:4). It is amazing what you will discover. Don't ignore Christ's commands in 1 Corinthians 11 just because "everyone else" thinks the headcovering does not apply to today.

So, I , Scarf Ace, am drawn to such analysis of the use of religious scripture in explaining the use of headcovering. And I am drawn to the common worship of God, that is mentioned in the Quran, regarding Christians and Jews:

3:113] Not all of them are alike: Of the People of the Book are a portion that stand (For the right): They rehearse the Signs of Allah all night long, and they prostrate themselves in adoration.

Of course, Islamic doctrine would differ on the details, e.g., Muslims women cover their hair at the command of God, and God only, not specifically Jesus Christ (May God's peace be upon him), simply put because we differentiate the role of Christ from the role of God. Also, the shaving of the head is not an option for a Muslim woman. Yet the common theme remains: Religious devotion is connected to female believers wearing a headscarf, of some sort, the type of which is of course in debate, but still the covering of the head remains a sign of worship of a single Lord, a rejection of the dismissive notion of modern "reform," or the call of the masses to just "get with times" and drop the commands of God which are clearly stated in the Biblical text for Christianity and Judaism, and the Quranic text for Muslims.

Read the entire article posted above, and peruse its other articles. It connects me to my fellow lovers of God, the People of the Book as referred to in the Quran. May God show us the clarity we all seek.

We all know what Catholic nuns often look like and how they forbid marriage and a life outside of their convent, but are we aware that there are several other Christian sects and communities who live typical lives of marriage, children, and housework, who love God but do not express this love by "marrying Christ" and entirely giving up a worldly life of wife or mother, or resignation to an order of Convent (not that I disrespect these Catholic sisters)? I am merely saying, that a "common" Christian or Jewish woman is bound to cover her hair in the same manner as a "common" Muslim woman is, to go about their daily lives with LIBERATION of the spirit as per use of their headcovering, to demonstrate and practice modesty and freedom from the shackles of pop cultural indoctrination of "beauty, sexuality, and the worldliness" of peer pressure and the industries that profit off of such exploitation of our dignity as women and our souls as human beings. To follow the law of their religious doctrine, not just in blind faith, but in earnest, LOGICAL, sensible, beautiful reason. Reason, the law of cause and effect, the distinction of active knowledge, and not the fog of following the man-made "feels" good attitude, or consuming the inundated values of the for profit beauty industries presented so "innocently" and seductively. Modesty is normal, and rational, and not weird. Not strange and NOT oppressive.

I send a cyber hug to my sisters, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, and other faiths who believe that what they wear is an important choice that should have the support of the Divine Wisdom, rather than the support of whatever talk show or celebrity trend or fashion magazine.

Here is a site that sells common Christian headcoverings: http://www.christiancoverings.com/item_34/Sarah.html

Christian headcovering

Of course, as in the Muslim world, there is strong debate among the Christian sects and Jewish sects as to whether headcoverings are necessary in our "modern times," and even if they are truly commanded by God's Word. The following text is from: http://www.covermyhair.com/

According to Jewish law, married women are required to cover their hair which is earlier referred to as the "law of the Jewish People", but subsequently it is known as the "law of Moses". Women usually cover their hair with a snood, wig or scarf, but some women use hats also for the same purpose.
However the practice of covering hair by women by any of the above practices is being debated vociferously. Some of the early Rabbis encouraged the use of hair coverings, but some have expressed their disapproval of the practice. Even orthodox modern women, who belong to a generation before, have left the habit of covering their hair except when they are in the synagogue. But the practice of covering the hair has been voluntarily opted by the present generation of women, which is quite unusual considering the hectic pace of modern civilization. They believe to convey modesty in their appearance, which is after all one component of moral attitude. It is left to the individual women living in a particular location and atmosphere to decide on whether to cover the hair or not. It is being insisted more as a symbolic gesture of feminism rather than anything else. From the Article, http://www.covermyhair.com/jewish-women-wigs.asp

And it is also noted in these communities, Muslim, Christian, and Judaism, that purity of the soul can not be attained by the mere act of covering one's head, which is a behaviour linked to belief, but is not the end all and be all to determine one's inner purity.

When we say someone is modest, it includes their attitudes towards other members of the family, community and strangers, appearance that will not provoke someone into doing physically outrageous things and the way of conducting life in the right sense of direction and purpose.
There is no doubt that women occupy a special place in the family and every one looks to them for support. The conduct of women will have a bearing in the bringing up of children, which does have a lasting effect on the society. When women veer off course without any modesty, there will be no controlling factor in the family and it goes to ruins quite quickly. In this sense, it is important that women must be physically and mentally modest, to offset the pressures of life and act as a fulcrum around which the entire family revolves, which is necessary for the whole society.

And from the same article, it is conveyed that being modest is not so difficult, it takes a bit of true THINKING and resolve. These following passages are from a Christian website, but express a line of thinking that is clearly in line with Muslim thought on the same subject.

The pressures of life and the temptations around us make it difficult to lead a modest life. When we observe life around us, we see fall in moral values, money doing things which was earlier not seen and so many things unheard of in the earlier years. To keep out of these so called pleasures is difficult, but not impossible to surmount them successfully. When we say women have to be physically modest, it does not mean that women have to be frugal without any pleasures or enjoyment. It means they have to stay in moderation within the limits and never fall for things that lead them to destruction. It is agreed that peer pressure and family pressures will be huge and demanding, but you have to find ways to keep within limits, which is good for both the family and society. It is easy to fall prey to temptations, but the after effects will be more on the women than men. That is why, it is important that women must show more maturity and moderation. The scars that befall women after undertaking unnecessary or voyeuristic pleasures take a long time to heal and hence prudence must be maintained at all times.

Women can be modest with the available means. When you hanker after things beyond your means, you will have to face the consequences. Businesses in order to capture or expand their business portray or show women in a demeaning manner by showing their body without any remorse. When we see some of the advertisements in the papers or television, women seem to canvass for products meant for only men, which is mere physical exploitation of women. They are not promoting the sensible capabilities of women and are under the mistaken notion that when women bare all, the products can be sold quickly which is foolish thinking.
Women can utilize the clothes meaningfully and alter them to suit their body measurements in a dignified manner. People always look in awe when women are dignified and will be naturally afraid to pass comments on them. When women present themselves in an attractive but pleasant way, nobody will have inkling to harm them or offer unsolicited advice to them. We can infer that our mannerisms will have an impact on the minds of the onlookers and it is up to us to present ourselves creditably.
Women can use headgear to sport an attractive look without demeaning any religion or culture. Some of the headgear available in the market is simply superb and you can use them to your advantage. After all, any form of clothing should enhance your appearance in the right way and not arouse sexual feelings in men. It depends on our choice and when we make the right choice, there is no way women can be looked upon down.
Women can be physically attractive with clothing or make up, but care must be taken not to arouse negative feelings. You can make use of beauty enhancement techniques to uplift your appearance, but doing it with physical show of skin will attract comments from all quarters. When women are within their family values, no trouble visits them and they can lead a peaceful and happy life.
When physical appearance is outrageous or flashy, naturally it will invite things which are not necessary. It depends on your mental make up and when you are mentally strong, you will not fall prey to pleasures of life. This does not mean you have to be without any pleasure, but your pleasures must not be demeaned by others. When women show moral values, nobody dares to touch them or heap insults. http://www.covermyhair.com/physically-modest.asp

These ideas go to show that my fellow People of the Book can share the idea that those in our Western media who consider a woman's right to dress as she pleases, from the likes of Lady Gaga and Britney Spears, to the so-called "tasteful" use of cleavage and booty inhancing jeans, or lushious colored lips and sexy hair is not as liberating as it seems, and is rather a form of slavery and exploitation, causing the woman to chip away at her precious soul. But I guess that only matters to those who actually bonder the workings of the soul and its connections to our daily choices, our fashion "mistakes," and our search for true worth as it is judged by others, by ourselves, and by God.

Quran 33:59] O Prophet! say to your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers that they let down upon them their over-garments; this will be more proper, that they may be known, and thus they will not be given trouble; and Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.

That is not to say that for my part I condemn the young and old women who are drawn to the pleasure of displaying their beauty through artificial means, who wish to display it for whatever reasons, for self-esteem, for self-acceptance, for the sake of enjoyment, for I too, did and do those things, I, too, struggle with my vanity. To those of you who seek to be free of this struggle, I send you a cyber hug as well. As the final Divine Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.s) said:

Deal gently with a people, and be not harsh; cheer them and condemn not.

Still, I pray that God gives me time to follow the clearest, most noble path, and gives me a long life in my search to do as pleases Him, The Most Beneficient, The Most Merciful.

Feel So Different

2011-01-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

I feel a lot more connected to and confident in wearing my headscarf now. So many good people sacrifice so much for standing up for their truth, why can't I let go of my past, my "bad experience" in high school and suffer my bit of social anxiety and/or possible misunderstanding and discrimination, and be near to those I wish to stand with---those other women I see at the stores who wear their scarves with ease, the few at the park who wear it at the swings with their kids, the tall elegant woman I saw walking in full black garb with such dignity and bravery--those who have died for the honor of their beliefs of Islam--shouldn't I think of them when I fearfully step out into the world--them, instead of thinking of the ones who will wonder, question, stare, assume, or hurt me?

Instead of feeling judged and misunderstood by the non-Muslims at my kids' school, or the ones who shop where I shop, or the ones who sit parked at the stop light next to me--instead of assuming they DON'T LIKE me, why not feel that they might feel compassion for me, admiration for me, a human connection to me, think that they, in fact, may go out of their way to be friendly to me to show me their kindness. And even if these kind strangers are few and far between--shouldn't I now feel that they, along with my fellow Muslims, are more important than the ones whose eyes shoot arrows of bigotry and judgement. I should. I should feel better about my scarf, I should feel different about wearing a headscarf in America.

And though I may have bad days, or months, when I lose touch with my resolve, when I sheepishly and desperately want to blend in and therefore let that scarf slip down, just for the sake of a few carefree breaths, maybe I can THINK clearly, and FEEL better, and GET better. By God's Grace.

This song by Sinead O'Connor sums up the bit of courage and insight I've developed by God's Grace, and sums up my feelings nicely...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
Courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

I am not like I was before
I thought that nothing would change me
I was not listening anymore
Still you continued to affect me
I was not thinking anymore
Although I said I still was
I'd said "I don't want anymore"
Because of bad experience
But now I feel so different
I feel so different
I feel so different
I have not seen freedom before
And I did not expect to
Don't let me forget now I'm here
Help me to help you to behold you
I started off with many friends
And we spent a long time talking
I thought they meant every word they said
But like everyone else they were stalling
And now they seem so different
They seem so different
They seem so different
I should have hatred for you
But I do not have any
And I have always loved you
Oh you have taught me plenty
The whole time I'd never seen
All you had spread before me
The whole time I'd never seen
All I'd need was inside me
Now I feel so different
I feel so different
I feel so different
I feel so different
I feel so different

above image found HERE

Knowledge

2011-01-19T10:44:00.000-08:00

After you have brought knowledge in line with your intellect, try and give it to your heart; when it goes to the heart, it will be the promoter of affairs (affect your actions). This will be the knowledge that moves you. When you don’t send knowledge to your heart and just learn it, it becomes a box that you have stored memories in, like a library, and this knowledge itself will become a veil.”

- Imam Khomeini (r.a.)

2011-01-19T09:49:00.001-08:00

2010-11-10T14:01:00.001-08:00

Losing My Religion

2010-08-25T12:09:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I Know.

2010-08-21T13:18:00.000-07:00

It's all good. I get it. Yeah, I know. Seriously. Wearing a headscarf seems strange to some people, all kinds of people (including moi at times). Islam is weird to some people, all kinds of people (including yours truly at times). People like to fight to be right. I know, man. I hear ya. I got nothing else smart to say. Still.."There is no poverty quite like ignorance." Imam Ali (a)
Ahh...hmm.

"Living is easy with eyes closed. Misunderstanding all you see. It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me." John Lennon, Strawberry Fields Forever.

I'm personally really done with this blog. But there's always one last bit to share. "Nowadays everybody wanna talk like they got somethin' to say but when they move their lips it's just a bunch a gibberish..." Eminem

And yes, that includes me. Sick of my inner monologue, sometimes we all need to just sit by the beach sippin' some pink lemonade. Of course not all of us can, but hey, I get that. There's a lot of suffering in the world. Uh...yeah. But I got my middle-class mojo to maintain, y'know?

Here's something I like. Click here. Keith Olbermann is keepin' it real, yo.

Here's something else I like. Click here. Jon Stewart is da' man!

I may look strange sometime with my brown skin, ethnic features, and sometimes-wearing headscarf--but I like to shake people up when I open my mouth to talk and out comes this very American accent, dotted with young-style, hip-hoppin' tones and words, or other times with down-home Southern Texan charm. Yup Yup. I was made in the U.S.A. fo shizzle! Like it or leave it, ya'll.

I like my home. People are nice in my part of the world. But I can still criticize America, right? I mean there's just so much good material !!! Just read the "comments" section under any online article about Islam or Muslims or Iran or Pakistan. Actually, no, NO. Do not read that poison unless you want to get a peek into the dark mind of mindlessness.

Um. Well, that's it. I hope.

Oh, wait, one more gem to share witcha as I bow out!

American Idiot by GREEN DAY"
Don't want to be an American idiot.
Don't want a nation under the new media
And can you hear the sound of hysteria?
The subliminal mind ---- America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.
All across the alien nation.
Where everything isn't meant to be okay.
Television dreams of tomorrow.
We're not the ones who're meant to follow.
For that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the ------ America.
I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.
Now everybody do the propaganda.
And sing along to the age of paranoia..."

P.S. You should watch Michael Moore's "Capitalism: A Love Story." It's good.
P.P.S. You should watch "Inception." It's fun!

Alone in Kufa (Muslim bin Aqeel)

2010-06-01T21:14:00.000-07:00

My husband wrote this and sings this:

Sweet Story

2010-05-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

Here's a sweet story I found on Oprah.com about a non-Muslim mother, Karen Bremer, dealing with her "half-Muslim" daughter's wish to wear a headscarf:

Cover Girl by Karen Bremer
"Nine years ago, I danced my newborn daughter around my North Carolina living room to the music of Free to Be...You and Me, the '70s children's classic whose every lyric about tolerance and gender equality I had memorized as a girl growing up in California. My Libyan-born husband, Ismail, sat with her for hours on our screened porch, swaying back and forth on a creaky metal rocker and singing old Arabic folk songs, and took her to a Muslim sheikh who chanted a prayer for long life into her tiny, velvety ear. She had espresso eyes and lush black lashes like her father's, and her milky-brown skin darkened quickly in the summer sun. We named her Aliya, which means "exalted" in Arabic, and agreed we would raise her to choose what she identified with most from our dramatically different backgrounds.

I secretly felt smug about this agreement—confident that she would favor my comfortable American lifestyle over his modest Muslim upbringing. Ismail's parents live in a squat stone house down a winding dirt alley outside Tripoli. Its walls are bare except for passages from the Qur'an engraved onto wood, its floors empty but for thin cushions that double as bedding at night. My parents live in a sprawling home in Santa Fe with a three-car garage, hundreds of channels on the flat-screen TV, organic food in the refrigerator, and a closetful of toys for the grandchildren. I imagined Aliya embracing shopping trips to Whole Foods and the stack of presents under the Christmas tree, while still fully appreciating the melodic sound of Arabic, the honey-soaked baklava Ismail makes from scratch, the intricate henna tattoos her aunt drew on her feet when we visited Libya. Not once did I imagine her falling for the head covering worn by Muslim girls as an expression of modesty.

Last summer we were celebrating the end of Ramadan with our Muslim community at a festival in the parking lot behind our local mosque. Children bounced in inflatable fun houses while their parents sat beneath a plastic tarp nearby, shooing flies from plates of curried chicken, golden rice, and baklava.

Aliya and I wandered past rows of vendors selling prayer mats, henna tattoos, and Muslim clothing. When we reached a table displaying head coverings, Aliya turned to me and pleaded, "Please, Mom—can I have one?"

She riffled through neatly folded stacks of headscarves while the vendor, an African-American woman shrouded in black, beamed at her. I had recently seen Aliya cast admiring glances at Muslim girls her age. I quietly pitied them, covered in floor-length skirts and long sleeves on even the hottest summer days, as my best childhood memories were of my skin laid bare to the sun: feeling the grass between my toes as I ran through the sprinkler on my front lawn; wading into an icy river in Idaho, my shorts hitched up my thighs, to catch my first rainbow trout; surfing a rolling emerald wave off the coast of Hawaii. But Aliya envied these girls and had asked me to buy her clothes like theirs. And now a headscarf.

In the past, my excuse was that they were hard to find at our local mall, but here she was, offering to spend ten dollars from her own allowance to buy the forest green rayon one she clutched in her hand. I started to shake my head emphatically "no," but caught myself, remembering my commitment to Ismail. So I gritted my teeth and bought it, assuming it would soon be forgotten.

That afternoon, as I was leaving for the grocery store, Aliya called out from her room that she wanted to come.

A moment later she appeared at the top of the stairs—or more accurately, half of her did. From the waist down, she was my daughter: sneakers, bright socks, jeans a little threadbare at the knees. But from the waist up, this girl was a stranger. Her bright, round face was suspended in a tent of dark cloth like a moon in a starless sky.

"Are you going to wear that?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said slowly, in that tone she had recently begun to use with me when I state the obvious.

On the way to the store, I stole glances at her in my rearview mirror. She stared out the window in silence, appearing as aloof and unconcerned as a Muslim dignitary visiting our small Southern town—I, merely her chauffeur. I bit my lip. I wanted to ask her to remove her head covering before she got out of the car, but I couldn't think of a single logical reason why, except that the sight of it made my blood pressure rise. I'd always encouraged her to express her individuality and to resist peer pressure, but now I felt as self-conscious and claustrophobic as if I were wearing that headscarf myself...

Click here to read the rest of the essay.

These are Dangerous Days

2010-05-18T03:21:00.000-07:00

I've been reading whatever articles about Muslims show up on MSN.com and Slate.com such as pieces about the Burqa ban in France and a couple of spreads about individuals such as the American hikers and a Newsweek reporter who broke Iranian law. After reading the articles, I make the mistake of reading the "comments" section. Ugh. There's a lot of Muslim bashing going on those comment sections! I sometimes can not stop myself from reading the comments because I have a desire to know what other people think, especially about Islam. A couple of my impressions is that all Muslims are lumped together, and I don't just mean the 'crazies' who practice terrorism or wife beating, but all sects and interpretations of Islam as well. I'm all for the unity of Muslims, however, it is important to acknowledge the differences in Muslims so that a wider view and understanding can be established when evaluating the world. Of course there's no point in dwelling in the differences either---even among practicing Muslims there is a notion that 'so and so' is NOT a Muslim because he or she drinks alcohol or dresses against the dress code or doesn't have a beard! I saw that on The View and on Yahoo.com there were some discussion about the new Miss USA. She's an Arab Christian (from what I gather) with mixed heritage including--wait for it--Muslim relatives--which has lead to some "talk" about how she must be a supporter of Hezbollah and/or how she and the beauty pageant circuits must now clarify: She is NOT Muslim people, so relax and enjoy! Sort of like when President Barack Obama and his peeps had to go around and keep saying, Don't worry people, I AM NOT A MUSLIM, okay?!! And don't even get me started on the comments section of YouTube videos about Islam. Yikes, that's scary and saddening stuff.

Anyhow, I still got a good feeling about people in the real world when it comes to relating to me as a Muslim. Most people are cool. Still, I do not wear my scarf all the time these days because, well, I'm still not comfortable with it. Sometimes I wish I was like some other 'hijabi' females that I know of who feel very connected to the scarf and wear it with passion.

Still, back to the top. After reading and responding (yes, I often submit my comments in reply to the others) on those articles about Islam, I come away with some thoughts and feelings. Perhaps I feel paranoid and too sensitive afterwards, but I start worrying about the future, if somehow the environment will get too hostile to anything resembling Muslim or Arab and that me and my family will just have to move away to I don't even know where! Since I'm a Shia Muslim, I've thought about moving to Iran---a statement that I type with hesitation--not only because I don't want to leave America--but just because the mention of Iran strikes "terror" into the minds of most. But I've studied a bit about Iran and it is not the evil empire that is presented in the media. Still, I almost did not want to type this idea up for fear that someone in the FBI or what not would blacklist me or my blog or start tapping my phones. That wouldn't happen right? Seriously, I'm not one of those hyper-conspiracy people. But apparently the FBI has started a so-called "community outreach" program in which agents go around and question Muslims. My husband was questioned. Can you believe it? This was last year and I couldn't believe it! They asked him about his involvement in our Muslim community center and about his knowledge of the then resident Alim/Imam/Minister person. Gladly, my husband passed with flying colors so they have not 'contacted' him since, but the whole thing did scare me a little. This reminds me of a song by Sinead O'connor, "Black Boys on Mopeds." It's a beautiful song. It just makes me want to cry right now. She sings, "These are dangerous days, to say what you feel is to make your own grave...Remember what I told you, If they hated me, they will hate you." I love Sinead, and oh how sad I would be to find out if she holds a negative view of the giant umbrella that is known as Islam. But I still hold out hope that she doesn't...

hear it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n14lwdpYkAA"

Margareth Thatcher on TV
Shocked by the deaths that took place in Beijing
It seems strange that she should be offended
The same orders are given by her

I've said this before now
You said I was childish and you'll say it now
"Remember what I told you
If they hated me they will hate you"

England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill black boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving

Young mother down at Smithfield
5 am, looking for food for her kids
In her arms she holds three cold babies
And the first word that they learned was "please"

These are dangerous days
To say what you feel is to dig your own grave
"Remember what I told you
If you were of the world they would love you"

England's not the mythical land of Madame George and roses
It's the home of police who kill blacks boys on mopeds
And I love my boy and that's why I'm leaving
I don't want him to be aware that there's
Any such thing as grieving.

BARNEY is a dinosaur

2010-02-09T17:01:00.001-08:00

I was watching Barney today with the kids. The Barney crew were imagining they were in Lebanon. A woman with a full headscarf and abaya walked by so Layla, a young friend of Barney, said:
"Barney, is she wearing a costume?"
"No, Layla, lots of people in Lebanon dress like this. It's their tradition."
"What's a tradition?"
"It's something passed down from one generation to the next."

UGH. NO BARNEY! WRONG!

First, I cringed when the little girl asked if it was a costume. Does it really look that much out of place? I guess so!

And then to boil it down to a tradition. Well, Barney, yes, for some people that's what it is. But there are some women who dress like that while their mother, and their mother's mother do not. So then what is it? It's not a tradition then, huh? Well, whatever, I'm glad Barney tried to tackle the subject, but it sure was darn right simplistic.

Anyway, on to other stuff...

I was watching "The View," the other day and the ladies were all discussing why a young 22 year old would get 10 plastic surgery procedures in efforts to look better. Hasselbeck got all up in arms, pointing her finger and hyperventilating about how it was a serious problem in our country (what isn't?) and we should "get to the guts" of why this young woman and people like her go to these extremes to look beautiful. My first thought was, "look in the mirror, lady!" Then I thought, "well, ladies, Islam has a cure for this problem!" and imagined them going, "oh no no no not that." To get to the guts of it, just turn on the TV, ladies! Watch a commericial. Not to mention the Britney, the Beyonce, and the Lady Gaga. All of whom appear on the Oprah Show or some such and get lavishly praised for their "talents," which apparently must be dressed up in provacative nudity. It's so gross.

Go, Team, Go!

2010-01-14T08:45:00.000-08:00

Is there ONE absolute truth?
Yeah, I think so.
Is there anyone on earth today that knows the entire absolute truth?
No, I don't think so.
Is there anyone that is close to the truth?
Well that depends which team you're on.
How do you pick a team?
Does it pick you? Do you find it, follow it, look for it?

Hmm...

Oprah

2010-01-13T18:38:00.000-08:00

Today there was an interesting Oprah show about women in Egypt, Ukraine, and India. I wish the Oprah website still had the entire transcript of the show, however, there were just bits of it as of now. So I'll have to recall my thoughts which is NOT going to be easy here!

The Egyptian women were discussing the use of wearing a scarf, one not wearing it and one wearing it. It was one of those times when I was fascinated and listening to every word, but now as time has passed I feel like it was not that new or special. Okay, maybe a little special. I did enjoy how Oprah asked about the scarf and really attempted to learn about it. The main thing I took away from the show is that people sure like to pick each other apart. The non-hijabi implied that the hijabi was narrow-minded and the hijabi implied that the non-hijabi was not truly religious enough. Each side defended itself pretty well. http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/What-Marriage-Means-Around-the-World/2
It's really difficult to attempt to illustrate what life is like for someone by generalizing it to an entire country or religion. If you watch the 'After the Show' clips, you'll see that the Ukrainian women in the audience did not agree on the presentation's accuracy, that some of the Muslims disagreed wholeheartedly on the method of Muslim divorce, and there was a lot of self-riteousness floating around.

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Women-Around-the-World-Debate-their-Differences-Video

http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Marriage-Around-the-World-Continues-After-the-Show-Video

BUT STILL, I like shows like this. They can slowly chip away at ignorance, prejudice, and condemnation of others, however cliched that may be.

There was one part in which the hijabi explained that although she does not mind if a man finds her attractive, she does not go out of her way to create lust or sexual desire from men in following Islam. Then Oprah said that most of the women in America try to create that lust and desire from the moment they wake till they go to sleep. I think, in essense, that's a clear description of the secular vs. religious difference right there. Refreshing point.

Under The Label

2009-07-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

I must now label myself as per The Hijabi Code: Half Hijabi. Meaning, I wear it here and there but not everywhere. I tried to wear it tight and pinned with full coverage when my husband was around mainly to avoid his questions and also because I feel a lot less anxious when going out in the world with him. When I do feel anxious, which is usually whenever I am alone, I wear the scarf loosely on my head, and even a few times sans scarf. I kept this wishy-washy practice under the table, but I recently "confessed" to my husband who declares that he thinks I should not wear it at all if not 100%, i.e. the scarf can never be half empty or half full. Half and half is not a good choice for a good brew. Ok, I'm rambling. Hmm. Is that the same advice someone would give as far as doing our 5 daily prayers-- if you skip one of them, just forget the remaining ones? Of course ESTABLISHING prayers as a regular never miss no matter what habit is more important than getting them done here and there, now and then, but still, isn't a little better than none? Hmm. Here's a funny quip from the Facebook group, "DA HIJABI CODE":

HALF HIJABIs: These lovely ladies are the ones caught in the Limbo between Hijab or No Hijab. "to be or not to be" is the question for these girls. With thier Hijab half on thier head and half off...u never know what they will do next! On the bright side though guys dont have to wonder whats hiding beneath those hijabs cuz these half hijabis give everyone a sneak peak 24/7. We say to ya'll with nothing but frustration..MAKE UP UR MIND! (ur confusing the kafirs.)
I tend not to fully BELIEVE in anything. I usually just go with the idea that it SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA. The problem with my approach is that it is a candle in the wind. Easily snuffed out when the going gets tough. But I wonder why I am like this. Lack of faith? Lack of trust? In what? Of what? For example, I think breastfeeding is GOOD IDEA, but do I BELIEVE in it? Not really, not if it causes too much trouble (which things that require belief usually do). Another example, I think parents should force their kids to eat veggies, brush teeth, and stick to a bedtime is a GOOD IDEA, but do I BELIEVE in it? Not really. Not if I'm too sick and tired of nagging them to get 'er done. Is eating healthy and getting excercise a GOOD IDEA? Yes! Do I do it all the time? Hardly. I must not really BELIEVE IT.

So what do I believe in? My husband says if I don't decide to BE something, then I'll end up BEING something even if I'm not aware of it. If I do not commit to some belief, some belief will attach itself to me regardless.

So, yes, being a believer is a choice that requires self-discipline and clear thinking and commitment and stamina and bravery and dare I say...SUBMISSION. yup. Perhaps I'm too arrogant and full of pride to have 100% faith in something, because at least 10% of faith has to be blind, doesn't it? No questions asked, no doubts entertained. I envy that type of belief.

So again...what do I believe in?!!! Must think. No more feeling. Just thinking. Belief must require more thought and less feeling, I think.

Hi There

2009-07-13T20:25:00.000-07:00

Hi Lily, I got your comment, and I appreciate it! I've been thinking about updating the blog, but I've been very busy (new house, new baby, etc). But I do have some things to say, so, I plan (God willing) to update soon. Thanks again, and regards to all!

Sincerely,
Scarf Ace

Old News, No News

2009-01-06T09:08:00.000-08:00

"The world's on fire, it's more than I can handle, take it to the table, do what I am able..." --- Sarah McLaughlin

http://www.therealnews.com

http://www.presstv.com

Beautiful

2008-11-23T14:28:00.000-08:00

Well folks, I've been to hell and back. Well, maybe. Long story. Depression. Anxiety. Hormones. NO sleep. Bad stuff. Anyway, back to the blog. Oh, and thanks to all of you who have left comments while I've been "gone." I'm sorry I have not yet had a chance to reply to them yet.

Recently, I've come to wear the scarf loosey goosey style. The kind of oblong on top of head, wrapped around neck, maybe neck or "bangs" showing. And one day I went to the mall without it on at all. I felt more at ease, confident, and friendly. Still, for the most part, I feel comfortable with a scarf on my head, "Benazir Bhutto Style," as my husband calls it. It's the the kind of scarf wearing that would lead the UMMAH FILMS guy to get up in my face and say, "Um...That's not hijab." And then that would lead me to punch him in the chest. Just kidding. I'd say, "please move out of my way." And that would mean all sorts of things.

Anyhoo...I saw this episode of the Oprah show which "discussed" in general, what BEAUTY means across the world. Here are some highlights:

In the Middle Eastern country Oman, women turn to nature as their source of beauty. Hashima, an Omani, says women like to put dried rose petals into boiling water and rinse their hair with it. "This gives the hair a very fine smell of a rose," she says.

Omanis even have an all-natural approach to dental hygiene. "The miswak stick is brushed on the teeth like a toothbrush," Hashima says. "It reacts with the human spit and gives an orange color to the lips."

Hashima says the more color a fabric or piece of jewelry has, the more beautiful it is. However, the brightly colored dresses are often covered by a cloak like wrap called an abaya. "This is to cover up the woman's body, and it covers also if you had a bad hair day," she says.

While it's not mandatory in Oman, some women also wear a burqa, which veils the face. "It's used as a sign of beauty," she says. "It's supposed to make your eyes look really sexy."

Can you guess which country has been dubbed "the nose job capital of the world"? It's not image-conscious Brazil or even the United States. It's Iran—the conservative Muslim country with seemingly endless contradictions. In a place where women cover most of their bodies, business is booming for plastic surgeons—they're performing an estimated 60,000 nose jobs a year.

While plastic surgery is kept hush-hush in many places, Iranian women like Naeimeh and Sahar are eager to talk openly about the procedure. "Here in Iran, women do have to cover their hair and the most beautiful part of their body," Naeimeh says. "They have to reveal their beauty out from a place which everybody can observe, which is the face."

After surgery, nose bandages are worn openly like badges of honor. Sahar says the surgery is so expensive in Iran, women see the bandage as a status symbol. "I had a friend who had a nose job, and she kept the bandage, if I'm not wrong, after two years on her nose just to show everybody that she had nose job," Sahar says. Pharmacists in Iran say nose jobs are so desirable, people who haven't had the operation still buy tape for their noses.

In the United States and many countries around the world, thin is the standard when it comes to beauty. But in a West African country halfway around the world, bigger is definitely better. Mauritania is a desert oasis that sits on the northwest coast of Africa. Here, a woman's beauty is revered—but thin isn't in. In Mauritania, plump is sexy!

While it might sound nice to throw dieting out the window, it's not all pleasant. For generations, young girls were subjected to the practice of gavage—or force feeding—in order to fatten them up and make them more desirable. In Mauritania, many say the more you weigh, the better chances of you have of finding a husband.

Although force feeding is now frowned upon by the government, old habits die hard in remote areas of the country. Some young girls spend hours each day in the stifling heat, forced to stuff themselves with couscous and high-fat camel's milk. Vomiting only leads to another helping of food.

Even in Mauritania's more progressive cities, some women are willing to do anything for a fuller figure, including buying black-market drugs meant for animals.

Interesting. All I know is I never have and never will go through all that trouble to "look beautiful." You should read and/or watch the episode here to see what CRAZY stuff they do in other countries such as drink/eat collagen for clear skin in Japan or undergo plastic surgery in the slums of Brazil. What price oh beauty?

Burden or Blessing

2008-09-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

"Damn my situation. And the games I have to play with all the things caught in my mind. And damn my education. I can't find the words to say with all the things caught in my mind."--Oasis.

Burden or Blessing? Burden or Blessing? That is the question! It's obvious from my last post that I am in a spiritual slump. Spiritually OUT OF SHAPE. And just with being physically out of shape, one can't just decide to run a 10K Marathon the next day. The person has to train to get in shape. So the same thing goes with spirituality in a way. So I do want to share some spiritual "excercises," that are good for starting the training, or at the very least, a walk in the park to stretch one's legs, get some fresh air, get the heart pumping.

I find that watching videos on Islam and videos about Muslims, made for Muslims, made by Muslims are often inspiring (as opposed to going to the Islamic center, which often is not as inspiring -- at least on the ladies' side -- but that's another story). Here are a few that I like:

FRONTLINE: Muslims:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/muslims/

EMPIRES: ISLAM--EMPIRE OF FAITH

MUHAMMAD: LEGACY OF A PROPHET

313 The Movie

KARBALA: When Eyes Wept Bloodhttp://www.redtears.co.uk/karbala.html

Also, to marvel at God's power, just:
Read books & watch shows
about the anatomy of the human body and its systems

about specific animals and how they function:

about natural disasters

about space:

And my favorite: about the human development in the womb:

Wow, that's amazing, MashaaAllah, Alhamdulillah! Still, I wonder why it is so easy for me to get lost in the haze of the mundane when staying home all day and dealing with housekeeping (constantly picking up THINGS, cleaning, scrubbing, sweeping, mopping, dusting, --and that's just if you can get to it all) and cranky kids and having little uninterrupted time to focus on "improving" oneself. Of course, Alhamdulillah, there are dozens of moments in the day when I just stare at my kids and say, MASHAA'ALLAH, ALHAMDULILLAH. THANK YOU ALLAH. Often, the things that are the most burdensome to me, are my greatest blessings. Such is life. Such is Ramadan. Such is the headscarf. It can seem a burden, but also a blessing. It takes awareness, and some fresh air, to experience the difference. My admiration goes out to all the stay-at-home Moms because it is truly a difficult and respect-worthy lifestyle that deserves recognition for its many blessings--and an acknowledgment of its real burdens--in order for its true experience to be a blessing. And subsitute the words HEADSCARF, HIJAB, WOMAN, AND MUSLIMS with stay-at-home Moms--and it's the same. It takes courage and confidence to do/be a SAHM, a Hijabi, a Woman, a Muslim. With some things, like the headscarf, it's obvious--one needs courage and confidence to do it--but with other things its less obvious--for example, when I think of fasting for 30 days, I think, "I CAN'T DO IT" and "WHAT IF?"--it's interesting that my lack of courage and confidence plays into my practice of Islam. And the more courage and confidence one has, the less miserable one will feel, the more successful they will be. It's difficult. It requires help...

GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE
COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
And, God knows, I need more time. I hope I have more time.

"Yes, I need more time just to make things right."--Oasis

Not to Mention

2008-09-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

Ramadan is really kicking my butt this year. It wasn't so hard when I was a teenager. I'd fast for 2 weeks, then get my "monthly visitor" break for a week, then fast again for another week. Back then Ramadan was in the winter months, so the day would fly by in the distractions of school and work, taking long naps after school and on the weekends, then suddenly around 5:30 PM, it was time to eat. No big deal.

Things are different now. I have two little kids with me all day, every day, rain or shine. Most of the time it's just me, no other adults around who are also struggling with fasting. And I'm sure as all stay-at-home Moms with little kids can understand--food and drink is a great comfort, pleasure, de-stresser, and necessity during the long days of childcare. Not to mention that Ramadan is now during the long days of the end of summer (and it's going to get deeper into the summer for the next few years!). Not to mention that while childcare (and double not to mention housekeeping) is demanding--it is often boring and tedious-- and mind-boggling in its frustration--so there is not much mental distraction to help tide the time. And let's not forget that with young kids---naps no longer exist for me--the MOM--who must keep working while Dad and everyone else can fall asleep like kittens on couches.

And let's not forget that often, people like me (anxious insomniacs with 2 kids who awaken at night) get litle to NO sleep at night either, so talk about feeling miserable--add on not being able to eat and sleep and I've got a recipe for a big time butt-kicking.

All the above reasons (I know what you're thinking: BLAH BLAH BLAH enough of your pity party, woman! My life is difficult too! Suck it up, Sister!)do not validate skipping the fasts, although I would like to argue that the NO sleep is equivalent to being ill--but alas, my arguments fall on deaf ears. And what's the point of arguing with the rules? I may think that God has mercy on me, but the rules sure don't. Still, I've given into my misery and broke my fasts in the middle of the day several times this Ramadan. God Forgive Me, I just can't do it all the time.

Makes me wonder. Maybe Islam is just too dang hard for me. I still struggle to get my 5 prayers done every day. Some days I don't. And we all know the trouble I have with the simple headscarf.

Actually, it probably just means I can't hack it as a SAHM. If I had some kind of job out of the home, there would be structure all around me and thus, my Islamic demands could fit in schedule somewhere. I wouldn't have to depend on my own pathetically weak internal motivation and discipline to fulfil my religious duties.

I think I am one of those so-called "moderate" Muslims--the ones that will espouse the "beauty and logic" of Islam, while still listening to music, watching TV even if it has "trashy" commercials every 30 seconds, and yes, even skipping a prayer, a fast, and a head-scarf.

My husband scoffs at such "moderate" Muslims. They're not part of a "pure" Islam, a "true" Islam. Sure, we're all weak humans he'd agree, but that's no reason to give in to the temptations of the flesh--food, sleep, vanity. Lucky for me, he's too busy giving his time to the Islamic center and devouring scholarly Islamic texts to have time and/or interest in reading my simple, chatty blog, so the secret is safe with me. For now. Actually, I've told him before that I've skipped a fast due to my shear desperation--arguing that indeed it is bad for my health when coupled with the very unhealthy issue of NOT SLEEPING. He replied by telling me that's not really unhealthy--and an invalid skipping requires that I feed 60 hungry people. But then someone else told me it means I must fast 60 more days for each skipped fast. Well what's the rule for breaking the rule? I forget.

So nowadays it seems like it's a more "don't ask, don't tell" policy. You don't ask me if I'm fasting, and I won't tell you that I'm not. I like that. Saves me from offering my pathetic reasoning up for dissection and judgement. Same goes for praying. He doesn't ask me if I've done all 5 prayers, and I don't tell him if I have. Same goes with the scarf. He doesn't ask me if I let my ear show when I'm out without him, and I don't tell him that yes, sometimes, I do. I'm all for being friends with your spouse, but what's the point of 100% disclosure that will just push both people's buttons and create bad feelings? I mean, it's not like I'm out living a secret, double life. Am I? Hmm. And if he or anyone were to ask me, then, yes, I would say, NO, I'm not fasting. Still--the thing is, he knows how I am, so we don't need me to mention it every single time when I fall short of the expectations--do I? Hmm. Of course, God knows all the details. I know HE knows. That's something I can't forget.

Iranian Women

2008-08-27T13:38:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture from the July 14th, 2005 New York Times of women in Iran.

The girl with the hat-scarf makes me smile cause that's something I would do.

And
OH MY GOSH
I can't get over this clip from the Today Show on Iranian women. They interview Iranian female firefighters, a female race car driver, and several "educated, outspoken" females YET they still can't stop saying, the women are REPRESSED and SEGREGATED and WITHOUT THEIR RIGHTS! Ugh. Just watch for yourself, as soon as the reporters start talking about how GOOD the Iranian women have it, they TRY (weakly) to show how "bad" they have it. It's such spin. It just goes to show, we don't trust what we don't understand (the bit about 2nd wives and getting a divorce---PULEEEZE. If they truly took more than 4 minutes to explain, it would be clear that those issues are not AGAINST women's rights. Those issues are about preserving an Islamic society--the thing they don't understand). And while I don't fully agree with the idea that forcing hijab is the best way to "encourage" it, it is still so silly to me that showing off one's body/hair is considered a "woman's right," when clearly it is just "a woman's desire" to do so. Apparently, in America, UNLESS a woman has the "freedom" to show herself, to walk around half naked--then she's truly not free. How condescending.

A Bad Scarf Day

2008-08-24T11:36:00.001-07:00

Man, I miss my hair. I mean, letting it all hang down, that is, when I go out, or anywhere. I saw a commercial in which the actress had very soft-looking, long wavy hair, no make-up, just very natural-looking beautiful, as it blew in the breeze on a beach. And I missed that feeling of looking naturally beautiful--letting the hair just be free in the wind. But I think it's weird that I felt like I was missing that because then as I tried to remember how I wore my hair before the headscarf, I wore it tied back in a bun 90 % of the time. But the thing is, the woman in the commercial looked very feminine. And that's what I miss, I think. Wearing the headscarf makes me feel foreign instead of feminine. And I think this feeling also has to do with not only the scarf itself, hiding my hair, but the way I wear it. Recently, I chopped off my hair so that it is short, but now I realize that it makes the scarf fall differently on my head. When the hair is long and it has to be put up in a bun under the scarf, it creates that bump in the back under the scarf that looks more feminine in style. Mine usually falls flat in the back now. And if it's wrapped tighter to eliminate that "big fabric effect" (when the scarf's fabric gathers in a big pile in front)that I don't like, it looks less feminine too. It sort of reminds me of a swimmer's cap or even a chemotherapy patient that way. Ugh.

And I know there's also a way to wrap and pin the scarf so that it actually resembles the look of long hair, especially if the scarf has some fringe on it, the way the character Rayann often wears hers on Little Mosque on the Prairie. I want to figure out how to do that, because that's what I miss--looking feminine. I don't like how her scarf "gathers" in the front like that, but I like how it hangs on the back. You can catch some more pics of her style here, at HIJAB CHIQUE, here's a view from the back:
And I don't think looking feminine is against the rule of hijab as you know by my previous posts. But still, even if I can get the scarf to flow to look more like long flowing hair, it's still a scarf--I miss my hair! One the few occasions where I did where my hair down in public, I got lots of positive feedback, "Wow, I've never seen you with your hair down--you look..." Apparently I look quite attractive that way (or at least I did--back in the day). Basically, as I get older and my youthful beauty fades--I miss looking attractive! And the scarf is hindering that "attractive" feeling too, of course. Hmm. Younger girls can look attractive even in the scarf, but the older one gets, the harder it is to feel..."pretty," but if one does not do hijab then she can use beauty "tricks" to enhance her beauty--the kind of tricks that do not work with hijab (hair highlights, a cool hair-cut, an outfit that highlights whatever physical assets she has left). So this blog is not just about wearing a headscarf in America--it's about getting OLD with a headscarf! But I know I'm not really old, my husband says I'm in my beauty "prime," although I don't feel like it these days. And I wonder, as I get older and older...how will the scarf fit into my life? It seems silly for an old lady to worry about her hijab doesn't it?

I know many might say, "well, a hijabi can "let it all hang out" in front of her husband or family or a party full of just women," but I do not seem to do that very often. As a mom of 2 young kids with a husband that works full time and volunteers full time, it's not like there is any time (or any reason) left over for me to get all pretty--most of the time I'm in my grubby house clothes and I have my hair pulled back again because who can do housework with their hair all hanging down? And even when I go to all-female parties, I usually have my scarf on and if I wanted to let it all hang out I'd have to go prep myself somewhere after I get inside the party, again, something that takes effort so I don't usually do. And plus, I'm not talking about the "dressing up" kind of beauty, I'm referring to that, walking on the beach with your hair flying in the wind kind of thing (not that I ever did that--but I want to now!)

It's a good thing that I was never really into styling my hair before the scarf. I know girls who go all out with the monthly highlights, haircuts, straighteners, etc. Their hair looks great, but I'm sure they miss it more once they cover it with a headscarf. In fact--their investment in/attachment to their hair is probably one thing that keeps them from wearing a headscarf in the first place. Some religions and/or cultures consider the woman's hair her crown and glory to be displayed. And how about those girls who start crying when their hair gets cut short--I was never "tied" to my hair like that--fortunately. But even still, I do "miss my hair", I mean, it was not hidden for so many years and now it is. So I don't look the same obviously.

And another thing off this topic--now if someone knocks on my door (usually a delivery man), I have to frantically run around trying to find where I left my long robe and then put on a scarf. By the time I get it all on, the guy is long gone and so is my package! And we have a little back porch in our apartment that my kids sometimes play on, and I usually sit inside by the door. But sometimes I need to rush out to help my kid with a toy or something and the same thing happens, I have to pull on my robe and scarf and it annoys me! I wish I could just quickly run out there without worrying about the cover-up. And actually that's what I do sometimes. I just us ally bend down so I am not totally visible to any passers-by. And what about having the drapes/blinds open during the day? I do that too. And I don't walk around in hijab in my own house. I just assume that it's difficult to see inside during the day. Hmm.

Anyway, back to the main point here. Bad hair days? How about bad scarf days. I went to a party and in the pictures I noticed that my scarf (which was an oblong one that I had pinned, one side hanging down and the other flipped to my back) had lost its shape and was sort of "balooning" around my neck, plus there was a part of my skin that was showing between my scarf and shirt. And what's worse---my scarf had become pointed on the top! Ugh! I hate that. Pointed on the tip, like an arrow pointing to the sky or like a pointed roof of a house. Blech. Why didn't anyone tell me? It's like walking around with spinach in your teeth every time you smile and no one tells you! Ugh.

Well, inshaaAllah...I'm going to grow my hair out long again. And then I'll wear it all down and lovely at the next all-female party. Hmm. But I'll have to dye it now since I'm getting lots of grey hairs now--good thing my scarf covers that up now ;-)

As I Was Saying...

2008-08-24T11:26:00.001-07:00

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT?
As I mentioned in the comments section of the post, "What I am Not," I also cringe at the idea that hijab is worn to protect women from men as if men are not responsible for their own actions, as if women are just walking bait for a man-fish to gobble up. But men are not supposed to be in this passive position---that is why the Quranic verse starts off with telling men what to do:

Al-Nour (The Light)

24:30 Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity: [36] this will be most con?ducive to their purity – [and,] verily, God is aware of all that they do.

Then the verse goes on to the women:
24:31 And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and to be mindful of their chastity, and not to display their charms [in public] beyond what may [decently] be apparent thereof; [37] hence, let them draw their head-coverings over their bosoms. [38] And let them not display [more of] their charms to any but their husbands, or their fathers, or their husbands’ fathers, or their sons, or their husbands’ Sons, or their brothers, or their brothers’ sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their womenfolk, or those whom they rightfully possess, or such male attendants as are beyond all sexual desire, [39] or children that are as yet unaware of women’s nakedness; and let them not swing their legs [in walking] so as to draw attention to their hidden charms [40] And [always], O you believers - all of you - turn unto God in repentance, so that you might attain to a happy state! [41]

And regardless of whatever translation is used, e.g. if the word "modesty" is used instead of "chastity," or "head-coverings" is used for "veils," or
"hidden charms," are used for "hidden ornaments," the fact is, the MEN are addressed and instructed first--but somehow people, even Muslims, lose sight of that and put all of emphasis on what the women should DO, i.e. the women should cover so the men don't have to see them, putting men in this passive position, but actually--men should be responsible for "their gaze" whether the women is covered or not. Muslim women do not have to cover up just because men "can't help themselves." And men do not get a free pass to stare at a woman just because she is uncovered.

And as for beauty versus sexuality, it makes more sense that hijab is worn to keep our sexuality private because people can continue to be sexual long after their so-called beauty has faded. And that is why, correct me if I'm wrong, hijab does not need to be worn in front of men who physically have no need/desire for sex, i.e. "male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex (Yusuf Ali translation)", and no longer needs to be applied on a woman who reaches an age where she herself is so old that she no longer has sexual urges (or past child-bearing years). And there are plenty of instances when a woman who, when totally covered and totally modest, will draw the attention of a man who finds her face and/or demeanour beautiful--and that is not the fault of her lack of hijab or what not--in fact it may not be any one's fault at all. It may just be what it is. And as long as the man doesn't "stare" or make advances toward her (without the appropriate respectful requirements) then there's no problem in that situation, I think.

Well, since I'm not really a formally educated Islamic scholar I should stop the interpretation here. But you get my point, don't ya?

ALL GOOD IN THE HOOD?
Another thing I mentioned was feeling anxiety going into a "ghetto" area. My definition of "ghetto" is anything of "low-quality," in this case, the area that the store was in is not so well-kept (OK, so it was a "DOLLAR GENERAL" store). I got a couple of comments mentioning African Americans in this regard and realized I must clarify. I didn't mean to imply it was a place where just African Americans are. Yes there were AAs there, as well as whites, hispanics, asians, etc. it was a diverse crowd.

The image I was trying to share was a place with young people (mostly so-called minorities), mostly single people who are often over-bearing in their friendliness, basically telling you like it is (keeping it real), not sugar-coating or being fake, sort of hanging out both in and out of the store, standing around, and I noticed that was the atmosphere that day at the store (it often is) and I felt nervous because I didn't want anyone to tell me what they think (even if was positive). And since I am a minority myself, I do think other minorities feel more comfortable around me and therefore they will ask questions or comment on things that catches their attention. But I just wanted to be invisible that day. And honestly I think I feel more invisible in places that are full of older (usually white) ladies (such as Steinmart) because they sort of look at me and then ignore me. And those type of places are usually fancy kind of expensive retail places. It really depends on my own mood and self-perception at the time as far as which kind of place I feel more at ease in. I guess "invisible" has different meanings too. Ugh.

And to comment on the comments, I agree, when I was in high school and most of the kids were harassing and making fun of me, it was several African American kids who were kind to me, my friends, and some who did not even know me would say "As-salam-alaykum" when they passed me in the hall.

Anyway I'm just rambling here. I don't know. It just goes back to not knowing where I fit in. Or just my paranoia that I don't really fit in anywhere.

Stereotypes. Culture. Labels. What a mess it is to figure it out. You'd think a 31 year old married mother of 2 would have it all figured out by now, but NO! I'm still uneasy. I think the headscarf does that to me--I mean, it's part of the Islamic culture I grew up in, but it's not part of the Pakistani culture I grew up in. (I mean, being Pakistani has nothing to do with my reasons for wearing a headscarf, whereas being a Muslim has everything to do with it).

Once, before I had kids, a friend of mine I were talking about Pakistani customs and I had an "I don't care," attitude and she said to me, "Well, what culture are you gonna raise your kids in"? And I said..."Muslim." She said, "but what CULTURE, Pakistani? American"? Hmm. But I still figured their culture could be Islam. Couldn't that just simplify everything? I think it does. Oh, no it doesn't. Well, I guess it's easier to know what you're NOT than it is to know what you ARE.

Still, I do have these images of people who must be very sure about it all, culture, religion, fitting in. Hmm...maybe they're just "mature adults." Go figure.

Scarf Ace: Fashion Fun

2008-08-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

My OTHER blog:

http://scarfacefashionhijab.blogspot.com/

I don't want this here blog to get bogged down with fashion stuff since it's meant to be about my thoughts and feelings and experiences with hijab in America, so I've created another blog in addition to this one just for some hijabi fun with fashion, er, um, specifically clothing and accessories that can be found in America. Add it to your favorites if you're interested!

Polyvore

2008-08-17T20:34:00.000-07:00

My first attempt at using Polyvore. Does anyone know how to save this set onto my profile? Or do you have to create a new set every time?

MUSLIM COLLEGE GAL:

TV: A Good "Habit"

2008-08-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I found out that the show I discussed in my last post (re: PATHETIC) is called Flashpoint and it stars Amy Jo Johnson as the female lead. After thinking about it, I realized that there are a couple of cop shows that portray strong and intelligent females without exploiting them as sex objects, e.g. COLD CASE and WITHOUT A TRACE.

I've never seen an episode of either one of those shows that put the female leads in any sexually demeaning scenes, so that is refreshing. (Although in Without a Trace the one female character may wear a low-cut top sometimes as you can see in the picture).
COLD CASE is the best, the female lead is always dignified, intelligent, sensitive, brave, and all the while also feminine, but not "sexually explicit." And actually so is the other female officer in the show.

In other TV news, I caught a bit of a film called "The Nun's Story," on TBN (Trinity Broadcasting Network, a Christian channel).

At first I did not know what the film was but I knew that it was Audrey Hepburn in the role, so I looked it up and found it. It is a really lovely and interesting film, very well-written, it is based on a novel. I wish I could remember all the dialogue that I found enlightening, but basically the plot is about a woman who enters the sisterhood but eventually decides to leave because she is conflicted about its demands on her. I found myself relating a lot to the character of Sister Luke, wanting to conform to the demands of her decision, but struggling with doubt and "disobedience." One line that really struck me was "Sacrifice is the only test of our love for God." It really made sense to me when I thought about the struggle in having to sacrifice so many things (pride, vanity, desire, etc.) to not only wear a headscarf, hijab, but also to just be a Muslim--in fact, a religious person in general. Of course there are other sacrifices...only eating halal meat when I really want that Big Mac from Mickey D's, stopping to pray when I really want to just sleep or finish some project, wearing a headscarf when I really don't want to. Of course, the nun has to sacrifice so much more such as having a family.

Apparently, when the woman first enters the convent, she wears a scarf that only covers the top and back of her head. Then as she is inducted into the sisterhood, she gets the entire "HABIT." In one scene, it shows a white head cover (a wide oblong fabric) being placed over her head and tied in the back. Then a larger fabric is placed across and on top of her head. Sometimes the clothes were black, sometimes white. I'm not sure what the colors mean, if anything. It's funny, I could relate to the scene which showed the nuns feeling very hot in a warm climate covered in all their garments.

I had written a long paragraph comparing and contrasting the concept of a nun being "detached," from the world and a hijabi's detachment from the world, but it got deleted when my daughter banged on the keyboard and I don't have the energy to rethink-retype. Ugh!

I wonder if people think of nuns when they see a hijabi. I wonder if there's the same type of respect and honor attributed to a hijabi that I would assume is given to a nun? A hijabi can dress in so many different ways, but even if some of the ways are very similar to a nun's dress, my guess is that the hijabi is seen as more..."strange," and there are way more negative stereotypes associated with her garments. I found this interesting link about a nun's habit online. It is a page of "EXCUSES" for nuns not wanting to wear the habit, plus the respective "RESPONSES" to those excuses. It reminds me a lot of some of the reasons for not wearing the headscarf. If you check the link and replace the word "habit" with "headscarf," the reasoning is almost entirely the same! I think the RESPONSE part of the link is a bit harsh in some lines, but the tone of some of the responses is often the same as the response one would get from many Muslims who believe in the headscarf as part of a woman's dress code.
Check it out of you have time and tell me what you think, especially if you are a Christian who has anything to add to this post (e.g. a link to a credible site that explains the history and/or purpose of a nun's habit).

By the way, I accidentally made a typo that I thought was funny: hijabit. Nice combo of the two topics, eh? Heh. I almost made that the title of this post.

Well that's all for now. Thanks for listening.

PATHETIC!

2008-08-14T20:17:00.001-07:00

The kids went to bed early tonight, so I start watching this show on CBS. I don't know the name of it, I've never seen it before.

Apparently it's about this SWAT-Team-type of crime fighting unit. So there is one character who is the only female team member. First, she shows how strong she is by dragging a 250 pound man across a room. Then she shows how valuable she is to the team--because she is smaller in size than the men, she is the only one that can fit through an air vent to follow the suspect. Then she proves how intelligent she is by successfully talking a suicidal teenager off a ledge. Heck, she's even brave enough to climb over the ledge to rescue the kid. I'm thinking, "This is a good show. Good writing. Cool plot. Nice solid female character here."

But NO!

Then there's the LAST scene. Suddenly, she is in the locker-room at the SWAT team station. She's just taken a shower. She's wearing nothing but a towel on her body. Then her male co-worker (apparently also her ex-boyfriend) "accidentally" walks in on her as she quietly and briefly protests as if to say, "Um. I'm naked here, go away. But wait, why are you looking at me so tenderly. Do you have something important to say to me. Ok. Nevermind me being naked--go ahead." So he says, "Well, I knocked. Just wanted to say how great you were today...blah blah blah...can I make sure you're okay?" So she turns around so he can see her injuries and.. I turned off the TV then. It was obvious they were about to make-out or some other LAME turn of events. What I saw was enough to totally frustrate me.

I was angry at the female actress who decided to play this tough girl--but ends up in a towel scene on television. She was one of the cool characters in that show "Felicity," back in the day, so I was like...how lame of her. And I was angry at the writers of this show who apparently think it's not enough to represent a strong, intelligent, valuable, brave woman without having to end up showing her as a sexual object, half naked, melting at the charms of some dude she has feelings for.

Yes, in real life women are strong, intelligent, valuable, brave, AND sexual beings--but why would this show put that actress--never mind the character--in such a degrading towel scene?

I don't know what I'm frustrated about. It shouldn't surprise me, but for some reason it did.

It just verifies to me that there's something wrong with this culture's (albeit the media's culture) view on women. You can be as strong and intelligent as you want, but you're really not "interesting" unless you're some hot chick in a towel. SO PATHETIC. It's sort of like this culture is saying, "Hey ladies, you can be whatever you wanna be, we believe in you! You're a strong, independent FREE woman who can be the powerful female in our man's world and we'll respect you and treat you right--but, hey, don't forget to be "sexy" while you're at it, OK?--then you'll be the perfect woman." Pathetic. Offensive. It's basically misleading, hypocritical, unfair, and unrealistic. I think it presents a confusing message to young girls in this society as well who think a character like that is a role model. A role model I would have advocated...except for that last scene. Is reality creating this show or is this show creating reality? Maybe it just shows that men and women should not work so close together? Maybe segregating the sexes is not such a bad idea, huh?

I don't know. But I'll take my headscarf over that towel any day.

What to Wear to a Wedding

2008-08-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

I received a NEWPORT NEWS catalog in the mail. The heading was "What to wear to a Wedding." I am InshaaAllah attending an American style wedding for an in-law in November and am looking for an outfit. Here are two from the catalog that I like:

The first look is "Black Tie":

I chose a nude colored scarf to match the nude colored lining of the dress, thinking a black scarf would be too much.

There are long-sleeved bodysuits available at Newport News that could provide extra coverage (and support) if the shrug is too sheer.

The second look is "Garden Romance":

What do you think of the two looks? I guess it depends on whether the wedding is at night or day or outside or inside. The shoes for both outfits are not really my style but probably would be hidden under the hem of the dress anyway. But I like how Newport News had the entire outfit (except for the cardigan and the scarves)all set up with all matching accessories, which would save me the trouble of finding it all in separate places.

I don't know how the fashion bloggers such as Hijab Style put together such nice collages of outfits and insert the matching links and information. It's a lot of work and I won't be doing much of it!

Here is the relevant information on the outfits:

Garden Romance:
NEWPORT NEWS (NN)
http://www.newport-news.com
Crochet Dress, $79.00, Catalog Code: A722534
NN Lace-trim Satin Clutch, $34.OO, A721740
NN Crochet Sandal, $29.00, A712883
Crochet Cardigan, $12.00 from Soft Surroundings:
http://www.softsurroundings.com
Rose satin and chiffon scarf, $12.00 from Hijabs r Us:
http://www.hijabs-r-us.com

Black Tie:
NN Lace Dress A7G7367 $79.00
NN Lace Shrug A7G1669 $24.00
NN Satin Frame Clutch A721895 $29.00
NN Satin Sandal A722865 $29.00
Nude sequined scarf, $18.99 from http://www.hijabs-r-us.com

What I'm Not

2008-08-11T11:19:00.000-07:00

If you don't already, I'd suggest you read the comments that are left at the end of some of my posts. They are often full of more tips and insight into the world of hijab. Also, there are links to other blogs.

I had a random thought the other day. I've said before that the idea of hijab as a way to "hide a woman's beauty," doesn't sound completely accurate to me. I think hijab should be thought of as more of a way to "hide/protect a woman's sexuality." That's why hijab can be applied to both men and women because both need to protect their sexuality and not just flaunt it to strangers. Beauty is a more natural thing that often can not be hidden behind hijab. It is sexuality which is often played up & abused and leads to corruption. A woman can wear head to toe burqa but if the wind passes by, her figure can be shown--but that is a natural beauty and one she can not hide. But a woman wearing skin-tight, skin exposing clothing is showing off her figure on purpose which is something that requires one to ask: Why? For young girls who naturally have attractive figures, it is very tempting to throw on a tight, trendy t-shirt and feel good in her young self, highlight and straigten her silky hair---I don't blame her really. I've been there. But that's where hijab, or even just the headscarf comes in. It's a way to temper that temptation and keep some boundaries in a world that makes it so easy to let it all hang out. And that's also why I think the blogs devoted to looking stylish with hijab are fine as long as there is a line because I think there is a difference between looking stylish, fashionable, beautiful and looking sexy, sensual, sexual. Anyway, everyone has his/her own view of modesty--this is just my random, rambling thought.

POST 2:
Hmm... I need to keep a baseball cap in my car. That way, if (when) I ever have another anxiety attack [ which is what happened the other day when I went to this one store alone on a bright, hot day. I noticed a lot of single young people (mostly men) entering and leaving the store. I would describe the area as "ghetto," which I've noticed often has more young men talk to or randomly commenting on strangers as opposed to a fancy smancy store full of old ladies. Now if I had been wearing something tight and "sexy," I would have had the same type of anxiety. I was all covered up in my mommy clothes, but the headscarf was causing me anxiety as well, so I let it off of my head half-way to feel less of a target for attention)] that causes me to take my scarf down like I did on July 4 (see post: "Said It All,") I can at least put on a cap and maybe just wrap the scarf around my neck. Of course that is not full hijab, but at least it's something better than nothing. A cap with a scarf on the neck would look odd, but I don't have a problem looking odd (most of the time). I just feel vulnerable (i.e. a target for unwanted, negative attention) at times looking..."foreign," or like a fish out of water, which is how I feel sometimes, walking into certain areas alone with headscarf wrapped Muslim-style. I don't mind looking alternative because that's what I am, but I do mind looking foreign because that's what I'm not. Anyway, the first thing I think of on those days where I do the half-hijab is this blog. I think, how can I write a blog about wearing a headscarf when I don't wear one today! Well, it's all part of the struggle for me. So I'm still here.

Dress up or Mess up?

2008-08-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

When it comes to finding clothes for attending a Pakistani wedding, most Paki girls in America have the option of either going to Pakistan or having clothes sent from Pakistan by their relatives. These clothes need to be measured/tailored for the girl to look really good. Now, since neither I nor my relatives ever go to Pakistan and send me clothes, my option is usually to go buy "ready made" outfits and then have them altered. Now, this is usually a tiresome task that requires having to haggle the price down to something reasonable, which I usually don't want to do. So now since none of the several outfits I got after marriage fit me anymore, and since starting to do hijab I have tried to put together my own outfits for the few wedding events I have attended since. Looking back on those outfits now, I wish I had had Pakistani style clothes instead because although I got several positive comments about them, they were sort of...eccentric. Luckily I am known to be "eccentric" so it wasn't so odd, but I've seen many wedding photos recently of my friends and family that make me envy their Pakistani clothes so much. Here is a picture of my cousins at a wedding:

So gorgeous with the vivid colors and detailing on the lovely fabrics. Now since I can't wear clothes like this for the reasons mentioned above, I carefully study these pictures to try to figure out how I could possibly look as nice with the limitations/boundaries I have. That's not to say that hijab puts limits on looking nice when dressing up. Just look at this picture of my friends wearing Indian style saris with hijab:

So beautiful! Wearing a sari is the ultimate challenge. It's so elegant and stylish. I think one has to be a bit taller to pull it off with flair, but it still remains the ultimate style statment for most desi females. But I have bigger fish to fry first! What to wear? What to wear? SO. I guess the point of this post is the struggle of trying to dress-up while maintaining both hijab as well as a sort of ethnic style without having the resources to get those authentic Pakistani outfits. It takes some creativity and some...gumpshin...nerve...disregard for conformity...luckily I have most of that. But I do wish I could work a sari like my friends did. Hmm. I think I will go get a ready-made Paki outfit next time (and possibly end up paying more than I have to) so I can fit in better with the other beautiful outfits...

So what do you wear to fancy wedding parties? Let me know.....

Just Add Headscarf

2008-08-02T18:01:00.001-07:00

Recent conversation between me and my husband:

Husband: Walk in front of me so people don't think you HAVE to walk behind me (in reference to the stereotype of oppressed hijabis).
Me: (Wearing an ethnic Pakistani tunic, pants, ethnic shoes and a brown scarf, traditional style, pinned under chin) That's the problem with wearing this get-up! (Joking). That's why I should dress more like Avril Lavigne.
Husband: (Laughing) Does she wear hijab?
Me: No, but I like that style, boots, baggy pants, t-shirts....
So yeah, I was thinking that I would like to dress more like a rock-star in my hijab if that's possible! I think it is. If I had not been born a Muslim, I would have become a rock star, you know. I like Avril Lavigne's style IN GENERAL (of course she, like all other rock stars--except for Sinead O'Connor) do dress trashy at times. But here are some pics where I like her style. Just add headscarf. (And sometimes some arm covers). And oh, of course add some length to her tops to cover her backside. And frontside (er, um...crotch). Sheesh.

And here are some lovely pics of Sinead O'Connor with her head covered. I just love her, that's all:

Anywayz...I ordered a shrug from NewportNews.com for $33.00. It seems like it might be too warm, but at least it is black, long-sleeved and will cover the arm-pits and some of the chest area as long as I don't wear this lady's icky top:

There are also many more shrugs at Amazon.com. Just search for "long-sleeve shrug" or "bolero." It takes a while to navigate and search everything, but you might find something.

Anywayzzz...I went to this out of town restaurant with my hijabi friend. It was a halal (i.e. Islamically correct MEAT) Thai restaurant. YUMMY. It was so cool because the food was great (I hardly ever get to eat out becuase there are no (maybe 1?) halal places in my town). Plus it was a great atmosphere. There was a family with hijabis there. And also young fresh faced college kids with tatoos. Elderly folks. Couples. Families. Friends. Very diverse and laid back. How I wish it could always be like that!

So...back to that rock-star style. Here are some cool arm covers (also called arm warmers) which could be worn with 3/4 sleeves or even with some t-shirts if your arms are short like mine. I love the arm sleeve look--although the ones I have (from Islamic stores) are uncomfortable. These are funky styles and give an edge to the outfit, and some even cover the hands:

black and white arm cover ebay.com

zebra print arm cover ebay.com

amazon.com from leg avenue $6

sierra trading post $32

target.com 9.99

target.com 12.99

virtual village 5.99

sporty look:
NIKE arm warmer 25.00

tree fort bikes 13.99

fancy:
virtual village 5.99

So there you have it. Some cool pieces to help complete the hijab puzzle. I know that a lot of those styles are not practical or typical, but I enjoy the options and it opens my imagination in terms of dressing and helps me express my own personal style.

Shrug it Off

2008-07-31T13:01:00.000-07:00

I can't find a shrug to save my life. It's a cropped light jacket that has sleeves. I need one that is lightweight cotton with long sleeves preferably with good chest coverage and no ties on the tummy area to cover up the few sleeveless tops I bought like this one from Chadwicks.dom, on sale for $15.00:
But the ones I got from Ross Dress For Less are even better than this photo because they have no stitching on the body of the dress so it is not tight in any place. Sleeveless tops are everywhere. I like the A-line dresses that I can use as long tops over pants. And instead of wearing a long sleeve t-shirt underneath or a cardigan on top, I've been looking for a shrug, but can't find one that I like anywhere, not even the Internet (unless it's a designer one over $100). I ordered one from http://www.target.com back in May and just last week they emailed me to say it's no longer in stock. Ugh. Thanks a lot, Target.Com! I've found these shrugs at some dance wear shops. These are from discountdance.com for $16.00. They will work as sleeves, but not sure if they'll cover the arm pits. I wish I could find one that buttoned on top!

There are several shrugs and boleros at Dancewearsolutions.com. Here is one that is nice looking, for $32, but so far only comes in pastel colors (I need a white one and a black one) and this is a bit warm looking:

This one from Dancewearsolutions.com is cool, for $18.00 will provide good chest coverage (and doesn't tie on the stomach which I don't like either). But it has a hood, which might or might not look odd depending on the type of outfit. I might go ahead and order this one:

Here is another one from REI.com, but it is more sporty then I need. It's called a bolero, for $35.00:

Here's a nice one from Dillards.com. But it's $80.00, too expensive for me. And it might not work for summer because I'd still need to wear arm covers since its sleeves don't go all the way down to the wrists:

So I haven't worn those sleeveless tops much this summer. I bought this white button down shirt that is a bit light and lacy which I've worn a couple of times with a couple of the sleeveless top/dresses. But I do not like the way it looks overall. I rather have a sleek looking shrug...the cropped aspect of it makes it more summer-like and feels less layered. Hmm...I'll keep looking...............

Hijab Alternative

2008-07-26T13:28:00.001-07:00

Instead of posting only on my inner faith and purpose struggles with hijab, I'm InshaaAllah going to also post about the joy and difficulty of finding clothes that actually cover while "expressing myself." When I was in junior high and high school, I was in the "gothic/new waver" crowd mixing up with hippy and punk styles too. I wore dark, thick black eyeliner on the bottom and top lashes. Crazy, mixed up clothes including Pakistani shalwars, which are loose, baggy pants and Pakistani jewelry, ethnic style. I wore my Dad's old clothes, I wore a chain wallet in my pocket. Corduroy jackets from Goodwill with my paperback Malcolm X Autobiography sticking out the side pocket. And again, crazy strange finds from the used clothing store, a black leather jacket with white stitching was one of my faves.

Those were the days.

I guess you could call me an "alternative" dresser back then.

Now things are different. Not only because of the hijab, but I'm now older, can't get away with cutting edge stuff. Have two kids now, gotta be comfortable. Pregnancy and staying at home has added another 30 pounds to my short 5 foot frame. I've got an "aunty" body now. A "belly" with no waist. Clothes, especially shirts, do not fit. Pants without elastic don't fit either. Then add the hijab codes to it and you got a difficult situation. Pile on the fact that I don't wanna look "foreign" to America and you got yourself a pain in the neck. Oh and don't forget the fact that it's rare to find conservative clothes in the average American shop. Oh, and did I mention that I've never gone to get anything tailored and my mom hems my pants if needed? Yeah, not so polished. And as a mom with two toddlers, I don't have time, energy, or motivation to go the mall and explore every store to find stuff, so I'm often limited to the Internet to find clothes. Not to mention that it's hard to find 100% cotton clothing for some reason. And did I mention I am poor...er...um, I mean, on a strict budget?!

Have I complained enough? Heheh.

Usually, I wear loose athletic pants that I got from http://www.fashionbug.com. (That is, unless I'm wearing my favorite baggy MATERNITY jeans from Motherhood Maternity--yes, gasp! I wear it though I am not currently preggers...the shame....)Anyway, back to the knit athletic pants from fashionbug: I have a pair in black, navy, and gray. The black ones are in a size small so I don't wear those as much as the navy and gray which are size medium. They are too long for me so I have to wear them with a heel, which is usually my black clogs which I also got from fashionbug.com. The pants are awesome, and I wish I could buy more of them...and they are in size petite even. But fashionbug doesn't seem to sell them anymore, nor the clogs. Here's a pic of some pants that are similar:
http://www.fashionbug.com/pagebuilder/fashion_bug_product_page?nav=Misses&item=1259829&pagesize=3&sub_cat=BOTTOMS&shop=

And I got several tunics from this Pakistani store called PASSIONS Clothing which I usually wear with an undershirt (to prevent sheerness and neck exposure). I like the tunics because they are long-sleeved and a couple of them have a high collar. I don't like them because they are very ethnic looking and while that look is cool on non-Pakistanis, it just makes me look, well, just ethnic, which is fine some days, but some days I rather look Western. I can't find a pic of the ones I have, but here is a similar one from http://www.kaneesha.com:

So on Western days, that's when I wear my cotton long sleeved tops from http://www.blair.com. The blair.com site is down right now, but here is a HANES shirt that is similar: http://www.amazon.com/NEW-Hanes-Ladies-Sleeve-T-Shirt/dp/B0012FPMZA/ref=sr_1_11?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1217106789&sr=1-11

I like the one from the Blair.com site because it is long enough to cover my rear-end and the material, cotton, is soft. But it is really shapeless and the neckline is wide and low, so that stinks.

Lately I like to wear a an oblong scarf, usually over a headband, folded in half, with one half hanging from the front and one half hanging in the back. I like this because it actually feels more like a "scarf" to me, rather than the triangle scarf that looks either dowdy or like a helmet with no chest coverage when I try to where it.

Here is a pic of me on a typical outing with my husband and kids. That's one of my tunics that I prefer because the color and print is understated. Here I'm wearing my maternity jeans and black clogs. This is how I prefer to wear my scarf now, but if the shirt has a wide neck, you can see a bit of my skin showing and that's something my hubby would point out:

InshaAllah in future posts, I'll post some "hijab alternative" pieces here and there. Unlike the other hijab fashion blogs that focus on an entire outfit, I'll share the pieces that I think are cool and can be used as part of hijab. They're not always practical. Most of them are for cold climates and outdoor use only. But I like having alternative options.

Anyway, back to the usual topics of this blog....

The other day my Uncle, (Mom's brother), came over to the house. This uncle is totally like another father figure, but I knew the rules of hijab required me to wear a headscarf in front of him. I almost did not want to go because of that reason, wearing a headscarf inside is uncomfy, especially in my own house and wouldn't it be awkward?! Still, I wore it and because my husband is picky about any skin showing, I even wore in that dowdy, nerdy way with a triangle scarf with the sides hanging down because my shirt had a wide neck and the scarf wasn't big enough to tie the sides back (I hadn't expected my Uncle to be there so I had just thrown on whatever scarf was there). Anyway, after my Uncle left, I took off my scarf and my Mom said to me: "You don't have to wear hijab in front of your Uncle." "Yes, I do," I said. "You do? Hmm... well your hair looks good like that." "I know..." I wanted to say 'well, [my hubby] would insist I wear it because it's in the rules..' but I didn't say that because I thought what's the point of "blaming" it on my hubby? The rules are the rules. Just leave it at that.

In addition, when I am out alone, if I know I'm just going to be out for a short while, like from my apartment door to my car or some days on a short trip to the library where no one will "see me displayed" in one place for long, I usually wear my oblong scarf on my head, ends wrapped around and loose-- often with my hair on top and some of my neck showing. So there. That's what I do now. It's a bit like this pic from the Vermont Store, but the scarf I wear is not as wide as this one:

Instead of chucking the whole thing or forcing myself to do it the strict way, that's the way I do it now. For now. I guess I am officially a "half hijabi." Don't tell my husband. Or the other hijabi sheriffs in town. I'll send them a memo later.

Peace out.

P.S. As a former Writing tutor, I must admit that I have many run-on sentences here. I just hate to add commas all the time.

Yup Yup.

CORRECTION: Thanks to the comment from a reader, I did some research and found that the rule of hijab does not need to be applied to one's mother's brother afterall. So my mother was right. I did not need to wear the headscarf in front of my Uncle afterall! Thanks again to the reader who left the comment. More info can be found here: http://www.al-islam.org/womensissues/9.htm

Said It All...

2008-07-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

I've been at a point where I feel like I have nothing new to add to the blog, but I'll go ahead and jot some stuff down here.

Um...so I saw the hijabi at the library again and this time we said Salam to each other, so that was nice.

Anyway, the understanding about "walking the line," as God outlined has not helped me as much as I thought it might in terms of being content with wearing the headscarf. Although it does help me understand the hijabi police sheriffs who are ever so strict with the line--insisting it is drawn at the wrists, jawline, ankles, etc. (Although I do think they need to lighten up---I understand why they don't).

On the night of July 4th, I had to go to the local Wal-Greens to pick up a supply. It was nearly 10 PM and I was alone. I have not been out that late alone for years. I felt vulnerable, especially since I figured on July 4th, there are more rowdy people out there looking for a good time, plus the Wal-Greens store was about to close. So, all this anxiety added up and I of course felt worried about walking in with my headscarf, not wanting any attention or being the target of negative attention. I had the thought that some other Muslim might think, so what if it makes me a target? Allah will protect me because I am wearing this headscarf for Allah. But I didn't. I thought, if I feel threatened by this scarf, then why force the issue? So I wore my scarf loose around my head, very loose. As I waited in line, a group 4 teenage boys ran in and I got really nervous, they walked behind me and snickered although it could be for any reason. So anyway, that's just another story where afterwards I thought--I don't really DO hijab do I?
But I still feel in my heart that even if all the evidence points to the fact that God Himself thinks that women should only expose their face and hands (sometimes feet?) in pubic, He'll still forgive me and understand why it makes me feel uneasy and out of place doing so in this day in this country. So I'm cool with that. Although my first wish is that the headscarf was more common (and therefore less strange/mysterious/odd) in America, I also wish that NOT wearing the headscarf was more accepted in strict Muslim structures like my Islamic center.

But I know it's difficult for people to agree on where to draw the line...so it goes back to understanding why some Muslims cut through all the crap/pondering/wondering/feeing/analyzing (that is the content of most of my blog) and just say...the line is clear, now get on with it. I feel like I should do that and just shut up now! Perhaps I've said it all................

Walk The Line

2008-06-22T11:43:00.001-07:00

POST 1:

Me and three friends (2 of them hijabi, one not) went to see a movie. These two other girls, dressed in short skirts and tanks asked us if we were from Pakistan. When they asked us, they seemed excited and interested in us. I got this thought: Maybe those girls look up to hijabis, want to wear a scarf, but feel too weak,too trapped in the pressure to fit in...and wish they were in a position to wear it.. maybe seeing three of us together, laughing, having fun, looking cool--maybe they start thinking they could do it too. (Or maybe they were thinking why are these hijabis at a movie theater watching THAT movie--see they're no better than us!)

I hadn't thought of this before. Instead of non-hijabi Muslims seeing us hijabis and thinking, "they're too religious," maybe they see us and have a sincere longing to be able to be true to the practice of hijab. Usually the non-hijabis I know now respect hijabis but sort of say "it's just not for me, " I'm not that religious," "it's not important/needed." But it made me feel a little proud at the thought that some non-hijabi Muslim lady might see me and wish she could BE LIKE ME--instead of the other way around.

BTW, my two friends who wear hijab live out of state and were in town visiting. If I could hang out with them more often--this scarf thing would be easier I think.

POST 2:

I saw a hijabi working at the library. It made me feel a bit more comfortable around the other workers at the library because I thought--well they must be familiar with her--so I don't seem too odd to them. I looked over at the hijabi, but she didn't see me, so I kept walking. Later, she asked if I needed help with my books, I said, "Yes, my card..." Then she helped me and I said thank you. I didn't say as-salam-alaykum and she didn't either. My hubby said, "Did you say salam? Why not? Go do it now?" Hmm. For a split second I thought--well maybe she's not Muslim! LOL. Oh well, next time. It's not that easy to say salam to strangers. Is it? If I wasn't wearing the headscarf, I would feel less of an expectation to say it. But if one scarf-head sees another--salam is expected! (AND btw, we saw some more hijabis at the store and at the bookstore too on different days).

POST 3:

The other day I was thinking that this blog should be called: Scarf Ace: Wearing a Muslim Headscarf in American even though I Really Don't Want To.

I was thinking how it was my husband who had convinced me to wear it, how he kept bringing it up until I ran out of reasons not to wear it. I remember telling him how hard it was going to be and how he said that once I started it then it would get easier on me or something like that. Hmm. He wasn't very correct about that, or was he? So what was the deal I wondered?

But then I thought about it and felt that I DO want to wear it, but I want the same ability to skip it some days when I do not feel up to it the same way I skip a fast during Ramadan when I'm too worn out or skip or delay a prayer when I'm too tired. I know some might say that makes me a "part-time" Muslim because that's not how the rules of Islam work, but it's just the way it is for me. But if I had that flexibility with the scarf, I don't think I would resent it as much.

And also as is with saying prayers, I've heard it said that if one's heart is not in it, or if one rushes it then it's like one is not really doing it. So is that same with the scarf? If my heart is not in it or I'm doing it half-way, then what's the point of doing it at all?

Mainly I feel vulnerable wearing it when I go out alone and I resist wearing it when it is very hot outside. So the other day, while driving to the store alone on a very hot day, I gave myself permission to not wear it once I got to the store. But by the time I got the store, I had thought about the scarf as something similar to fasting and prayer...something that's hard but something I will do as a Muslim because I believe Islam's rules to be better than worse. So I wore it into the store, pinned tightly and all. And I was fine. Alhamdulillah.

I was thinking that, yes, in the Quran and in Hadith it says that women should dress modestly, but how do I really really know that means I have to wear a headscarf in this day and age to be a Muslim? Then I compared it to saying my prayers. Yes the Quran tells you to pray 5 times a day, but it doesn't tell you exactly all the moves and verses to say, so why do I do it a certain way? Why don't I just make it up the way I want to? Because the rules are rules for a reason. Their foundation is the truth and we do it to stay as close to the truth as possible. So that helped me relate that idea to the scarf and I think letting my mind free from the commitment of having to wear it even when I didn't want to, let it clear up and I could see that on that occasion.

POST 4:

OK, so...big news. I finally got it. Up until now, I've been missing the concept of wearing the headscarf "to please God." I think since I grew up around Muslim women who do NOT wear a scarf, I thought it was really not "that important in Islam." And plus, since I'm naturally shy and modest anyway--I thought I knew what modesty really was and it did NOT have to include a headscarf. So. My hubby and I were having another conversation about it and he said something like this:

"Every culture draws its own line on what is modest. In America, a woman can basically dress any way she wants except for walking around without a top. But in Islam, God drew the line at only face and hands. If a culture of people decide what is modest, then the line goes lower and lower. 150 years ago, women could not dress the way they do now. You could not see a 10 foot woman in only a bra and pantie (referring to the Victoria Secret window display at the local mall) but now people walk by it and not even blink. It's like with alcohol. This culture decides that it's okay to drink--as long as you don't drive..."

So the idea that "God drew the line," finally clicked for me and made sense. Even though I have thought that the scarf is overkill when it comes to modesty, it's the same concept that we Muslims do not drink AT ALL. Social drinkers would say that is overkill because one drink doesn't hurt. One or two. They know their own limitations. But in Islam--it's no alcohol--ever. That never seemed unreasonable or illogical to me. Same thing with everything else in Islam. It's clear cut. So I can finally see that it's the same way with hijab. I mean, I knew that before--but it just hadn't clicked somehow yet.

I wonder if it will make it any easier for me to wear it...Hmm. Let's see. I know for sure that it helps me deal with my husband's concern if my neck or hairline is showing. To him that is making the line slip a bit further down. And he's really sure about the line. I get it.

Alhamdulillah.

It's a Zoo Out There!

2008-06-19T12:01:00.000-07:00

Me and my husband took our kids to the zoo for the first time. I hadn't been to the zoo in over a decade. So, I wore black socks, black flat shoes, dark gray cargo pants, a pink short sleeve t-shirt with white arm sleeve covers, and a long gray and black striped scarf with dull silver sequins on it. I put the scarf on my head and then wrapped on end of it around my neck and over my shoulder. I was all covered.

And it was HOT. Seriously--you can feel the sweat pool on your skin--humid HOT, everyone else is wearing shorts and tank-tops---HOT. But we wanted the kids to see the zoo and this was our last chance before Summer got even hotter.

So as we get into the zoo, I notice a group of hijabis. It was several mothers with their young kids in strollers and younger teen girls. The mothers were wearing the scarf pinned under the chin with long abaya jackets. A few of the teen girls were wearing a headscarf, jeans, and short-sleeve shirts--arms exposed. Anyway, I was happy to see so many hijabis and thought--the zoo is the place for hijabis to be, huh? It's hijabi-polooza! I looked over, smiling at them.

Then, my husband said to me: "YOURS is falling off," and I knew he was referring to my scarf so I thought it had come off of my head, "OH!" I said. But then I touched the top of my head and only about 2 inches of my hair on the top of my head were showing. "It's not falling off! It's only a little showing," I said to him as I fixed it to cover the hair.

Then a bit later, I was standing on the side, him in front of me, and I took the long part off of my shoulder to adjust it again, probably exposing a bit of my neck. My husband sort of gave me this look, and I snapped, "Why are you being so uptight about my hijab? I wore it like this on purpose so I could get some air sometimes." He said something like, "I know, okay, it's..."

So from then on I started feeling like I was not as "hijabified," as those abaya-headscarved-pinned hijabis. I thought maybe my husband wished I was more like them. I know he is the type that does something all the way, perfectly--but I'M the one wearing the headscarf--what's it to him if I don't wear it a certain way? Hmm. Does he think I don't know that my way is less perfect, less strict, less...? He must know that. I know that, but I still want to wear it the way I want to. Hmm.

Then later we saw another group of abaya-scarf hijabis and then later several headscarf-short-sleeve hijabis (I don't know if it was the same group as before).

And I also noticed A LOT of people giving me long glances. "Why are so many people staring at me? I don't look that weird," I said to my husband. It was mostly younger kids staring, and a few adults. Hmm. Maybe there's something about the zoo that makes people stare. Maybe all that staring at animals makes them stare at people too. Maybe they thought I was a celebrity under my sleek scarf and sunglasses (not...LOL).

Anyway, the whole time, as I was dying from the heat, I was feeling resentful that I had to be so covered up. I wished I could feel a breeze on my neck...the arm sleeve covers were annoying me too. I envied all the people who could dress for the weather. Sometimes I wondered if they were REALLY all that much cooler than me, I mean, they appeared to be hot too--maybe being covered up from head to toe in the open heat doesn't make one hotter--maybe a scarf keeps you cooler? Hmm. No, I doubt it, I finally decided.

But it was still fun. I enjoyed the zoo experience. I didn't want to leave even. But my hubby was tired from pushing around our crazy-monster-size double stroller (it was also stroller-palooza at the zoo), and he was hot as well. He was wearing athletic shoes and socks, cargo pants and a long-sleeved cotton dress shirt. He usually covers up his legs and arms when we go out too. He doesn't wear shorts or short-sleeves, even though Islamically he could. He says it's because he wants to support me and how can he expect me to cover up if he doesn't cover up as much as possible too? That's sweet I know. (But he also has a tattoo on his arm from before he converted to Islam which he hides with the long sleeves too because he's embarrassed by it). But at one point he got so hot that he rolled up his sleeves. Lucky him, I thought.

So I was complaining to him and feeling sorry for my covered-up self, yes. Hmm. I know I need to work on ignoring my ego. That voice inside that says: This Sucks For You. Can't You Make It Any Better For YOU. YOU. ME. ME. ME. If only I could focus on something else...

like...I am a Muslim woman and Islam tells me to wear it! I have to. GOD wants me to be covered up from head to toe when I go out. Really! It's important. There's no gray area here. Accept it and move on YOU.

Hmm.

I'll try that next time.

Aliens in America

2008-06-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

Aliens in America is a show on CW33 at 7:30/8:30 PM Sundays. Here's the show info from the website, http://www.cwtv.com/shows/aliens-in-america/about:

Justin Tolchuck is a sensitive, lanky 16-year old just trying to make it through the social nightmare of high school in Medora, Wisconsin, with the help of his well-meaning mom Franny, aspiring-entrepreneur dad Gary and his beautiful and popular younger sister Claire. Although he's bright and funny, Justin is also shy, socially awkward and pretty much resigned to the fact that he'll never be one of the cool kids. Franny, however, is the kind of take-charge mom who micro-manages her family, and she's come up with a plan to help Justin: she signs up for the school's international exchange student program. Picturing an athletic, brilliant Nordic teen, Franny is sure this new friendship will bestow instant coolness on her outsider son. However, when the Tolchuck's exchange student arrives, he turns out to be Raja Musharaff, a 16-year-old Muslim from a small village in Pakistan. Raja is thoughtful, responsible and wise beyond his years. To the Tolchucks and everyone else in Medora, he's also just about as foreign as a foreigner can be. While the rest of the family is slightly freaked out by the Muslim in their midst, Gary is comforted by the fact that the host family receives a monthly check to help with expenses. This fits right in with Gary's money-making schemes, and when he sees how hard-working and respectful Raja is, he's totally on board. As for Claire, she's too busy with her friends and her new boyfriend to pay much attention to their houseguest, but Raja is smitten from the moment he first sees her. After the initial shock wears off, Justin is quickly won over by Raja's humor, gestures of friendship and by their common status as outsiders. Despite the cultural chasm between them, Justin and Raja develop an unlikely bond that just might allow them to navigate the minefield that is contemporary high school. It's going to be a very interesting year for Raja, Justin, his family and the entire population of Medora.

So, when I first saw the show, I was annoyed that a Pakistani Muslim character would be named "Raja," because that is usually an Indian Hindu name. And I was annoyed by the first episodes portrayal of Raja as a drooling, deprived boy who had never seen a scantily dressed girl before. But I've seen a couple of shows since, and I think it's a good show in some ways.

We saw one episode in which Raja states that Muslim teenagers do not date or interact with women until marriage or engagement, i.e. they must stay chaste until they are husbands. So then one of the characters said, "No wonder their young men are so angry!" My husband and my brother took great offense at this remark. I said it was just a joke. But they insisted it was wrong to relate the beliefs of Islam (no sex before marriage) with the image of angry Muslims (terrorists). I agree with that, but it did seem like a harmless joke. Still, as we watched, it was great to see that Raja does not compromise his beliefs for anyone, even when he himself is tempted to do so. He is a wise and confident Muslim and often teaches everyone around him the true meaning of things. And for the most part, it is accurate in its portrayal of Islam (although not always perfect--but good enough when considering the lack of decent Muslim characters on TV)! The other characters in the show often discuss sexual "humor," which can be annoying, but if one ignores that, it's a refreshing show with a premise that is unique and needed on TV. There have been a couple of episodes with Muslim women wearing hijab as characters.

Have you seen it? What'd you think? If you visit the show's website (above), you can download full episodes on the computer. (They should pay for me this advertising, huh?!) One thing about it that all the sudden it will have a crude sexual image or joke--so have your hand on that remote and don't watch it in front of Mom or Dad ;-)

Later...

Complain Pain

2008-06-11T15:19:00.000-07:00

The other day at Wal-Mart, I saw a hijabi woman. She was wearing a dark abaya and scarf.
"There's a hijabi!" I remarked to my husband. "I'll have to mark this sighting in my blog." I said.
"What? I see hijabi's all the time," he said.
"All the time?" I asked cynically.
He said, "Well, it's not like it's so rare to see one." (He saw a hijabi working at Lowe's the other day--which is cool, I think, since Lowe's is a hardware type of store and seems like an unlikely place for a Muslim woman to work--so I was pleasantly surprised to hear that, and it opened up my mind to the possibilities of living in a place where Muslim headscarves were seen in every store---for a minute).

Then I told him that I want to see hijabis everywhere I go, all the time. So often that I wouldn't have to point one out every time I see one. I told him that I don't mind BEING different, I just don't like LOOKING so odd.
He said, "Well you're making it easier for the next hijabi to wear hers out."
Hmm.
I said, "But that's not my goal, really. I know for some hijabi girls that's important to them, to champion a cause, but I just want to..."
"Well, but, it's just a fact," he said. I wasn't so sure about that. I mean, 15 years ago I wore a headscarf in high school--did that make it easier for anybody else back then? If that was 15 years ago--then why haven't they multiplied in number?!

OK. So I'm going to stop here for a moment to discuss something. As I've said before, I started this blog as a way to vent my feelings, make sense of my conflicting thoughts and emotions, and to share my honesty with others. But now that I know that I have some regular readers, I am more self-conscious about what I say and the effect it is having on my readers. And I'm more sensitive to the message it is sending out into the world.

I realize that most of the posts are me basically complaining about how hard it is to wear a headscarf. I'm starting to wonder if my posting of these feelings and thoughts are doing a disservice, as one of the comments posted, "making a mockery out of something so beautiful." I sure as heck do not want to be doing that.

When I think about it, I realize that when I'm sharing my negative thoughts, my intended audience is mainly to those Non-Muslims who see a hijabi as someone with blind faith and/or as an unexplainable mystery. I think I'm trying (in addition to venting) to show people that we all struggle and we all need some empathy! And we're all the same somehow. Hmm.

When I was in high school wearing hijab, enduring terrible and constant harassment from my class-mates every day, I wrote articles and poems for the school magazine and even gave a speech or two at Islamic centers on the beauty and truth of hijab. But then, after I decided to take off the scarf because I couldn't handle the harassment anymore, I looked back on those articles and speeches and thought...hmm...do I still believe that? I guess I don't. I guess I've changed my mind. It was an embarrassing feeling--to sort of advocate doing something so strongly--and then decide to do the opposite. I don't want to do that again--which is probably why I stick to feeling and complaining about the difficult stuff.

I still do not see the light...but I want to keep looking. I hope this blog helps me do that.

Why Look at Pretty Pictures?

2008-06-11T15:11:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd briefly explain why I sometimes post pictures of hijabis on this blog. Here's the message I'm trying to send to those who read my blog when they see these pictures:

To Non-Muslims: See how the hijab can be worn in so many ways. Isn't diversity beautiful? Let these pictures inspire you to open your mind to other ways of life. And also notice that you might relate to some of these women!

To Muslims: See how the hijab can be worn in so many ways. Isn't diversity beautiful? Let it inspire you to open your mind to other ways of life. And also notice that you might relate to some of these women!

To myself: See how the hijab can be worn in so many ways. Isn't diversity beautiful? Let it inspire you to open your mind to other ways of life. And also notice that you might relate to some of these women!

That's basically it.

Look at All the Pretty Pictures

2008-06-02T17:09:00.000-07:00

I don't think I'll be organizing and analyzing the "Scarf Survey" answers anytime soon. I tried to and got overwhelmed with all the information. In the meantime, I'll add some pretty hijabi pictures here. {OH, and can you believe I still have not seen another hijabi out in public (other than my one hijabi friend who went to a Mormon wedding wedding)since my "Hijabi Watch" post?} Most of these pics were taken from the FACEBOOK group, Hijabi Fashionistas, on which they were added by the group's various members who took pics of themselves or found the pics on the internet. In any case, if you feel that you deserve the copyright or credit for any of these pics, please let me know. You'll notice a couple of pics of Jennifer Lopez, not a Muslim hijabi, but she is wearing some stylish hijabi clothes! There are also a few pics of "Hijabi Fashionistas" group members: Xsara Helmi (pics 9 and 10) and Maryam Jameelah (pics 1 and 2). And the 3rd, 4th, and 5th pics are of me, yours truly, Scarf Ace. Peace out. Oh, and if you want to see some other pretty hijab-related pictures, here are some other blogs:

http://hijabstyle.blogspot.com/
http://www.hijabifashionista.blogspot.com/
http://beautifulmuslimah.blogspot.com/
http://www.muslimgirlworld.com/mgmag/index.cfm
http://hegab-rehab.blogspot.com/

Miss or Diss?

2008-05-24T22:43:00.000-07:00

So it's been a year with the scarf. The weather is getting so hot and humid now, it's a big ordeal to get dressed and go out, especially being all covered up. I apologize in advance if this post is offensive, hurtful, confusing, etc. to anyone who loves wearing a headscarf. I started this blog as a way to cope with all the frustrations involved in starting hijab. And having an outlet has helped me to keep it on. Also, since I'm not an "all or nothing" type of person, getting comments from people that tell me that it is understandable to wear it while at the same time still have doubts and struggle and dislike for it also has helped me keep it on. Being able to be open and honest about my mental rumblings helps me feel less "two-faced" when it comes to wearing the headscarf, since the general assumption is that a hijabi has it all figured out in a very solid, committed way. It makes me think, what comes first, the chicken or the egg? In other words, should a Muslim girl wear the headscarf AFTER she's got her beliefs all figured out, or BEFORE as a way to help her solidify her beliefs? Anyhoo...

I miss the relief of cool breezes on my neck.
I miss having a good hair day and/or a great fitting outfit showing off whatever's left of my decreasing physical assets to get that ego boost.
I miss not wondering what other people are thinking when they see me.

If it weren't for 2 main things, I think I would have stopped wearing it by now:
1) My husband's high regard for hijab
2) Being a stay-at-home mom, I have the freedom to choose when and where I go (unlike at work or school).

When I struggle, these are the voices I hear in my head:

God: It's OK. I am Most Merciful, Gracious, Oft Forgiving. Remember Me and I will remember you.

Hijabi Police: She really should figure out who she is. What is her point?

Non-Muslim, Ignorant: 1. I should watch her/stare at her/glance at her to figure her out 2. I've got her figured out and it ain't good.

Non-Muslim, Enlightened: 1. There is a woman with a scarf. Perhaps she is Muslim.
2. It's refreshing to see diversity!

And, what I don't miss about not wearing a scarf: that nagging feeling of inconsistency when I thought about being all covered up to pray but not when out in public.

Sometimes when I'm sitting in traffic at an intersection, watching all the cars buzz by me, looking inside them to see people who dress nothing like me, I wonder, "Why am I here?" Shouldn't I be somewhere where the people, the women, dress like me, with headscarves and covered-up-ness? Why do I live here? Is there anywhere I can go and not feel like odd-man out all the time? Yup, sure, Iran, Pakistan, Indonesia, India...Dearborn, Michigan? ...places where covered heads are the norm. So why did my family and other families come to America? Hmm... But I know that this kind of attitude is dangerous for America, it leads to the "Love it or Leave it" thing or "Go home!" or "Act like an American!" There is a part of America that says there is no one way to look like an American. But then there's another part that says, yes there is, and it doesn't include a Muslim headscarf, a Sikh turban, or a Hindu dot on the forehead. But it does seem to include a Nun's Habit. Hmm... It's interesting. It reminds me of how in some parts of Paksitani culture, the words, "American" and "Christian" are interchangeable.

I saw this Christian channel program in which they were sponsoring a "return the Jews to Israel" campaign, showing clips of people saying, "as a Christian, I feel very connected to my Jewish brothers." I thought...what about your Muslim brothers? Why is there no brotherly love for us?! I'm not going to get into the political problems/history of this issue here, but my point is that I was insecure for a moment, imagining a world with Jews and Christians against the Muslims, but then I felt this strength inside, a sort of "Well, if it's us against them, then, I will go down with this ship," which is a sort of nice feeling to have, instead of the insecure one I often feel when I think of those people who would rather not have Muslims around...

Anyway, back to my point about being in traffic. I'm just desperate to see some other hijabis when I go out, especially if it was a common thing to always see headscarves wherever I go.

STOP AND STARE by One Republic:

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need
Stop and stare

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do you see what I see...
******************************************************************************
POST 2:

I couldn't decide whether to call this post SHAKE YOUR HANDS ALL AROUND or DEAL OR NO DEAL.

Okay, so a couple weeks ago, me and my hubby were leaving his brother and his brother's wife's house. His family (non-Muslim) usually hugs good-bye. So my hubby hugged his brother, and then I also hugged his brother. It was a quick, distant type of hug, but still a hug. After we left, I told my hubby that it felt awkward to hug his brother (mainly because I'm not comfortable with hugging people, especially male people). And then my hubby said that he tries to avoid hugging his sister-in-law. Avoid? Hmm. And then he brought up the Muslim religious practice (behavioral hijab)of not touching anyone of the opposite sex that is not an immediate relation such as in-laws, which means NO HUGGING and NO SHAKING HANDS (unless wearing gloves, which prevent the skin to skin contact). He said that we should tell his family that from now on he won't be hugging his sister-in-law, and I won't be hugging my brother(s)-in-law. I immediately went all rolly-eyed and stated my usual mantra:
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? And then I said, OH NO, THEY'RE GOING TO THINK WE'RE SO WEIRD!
Then my hubby said "We'll just tell them it's just part of our religious rules and we're trying to follow the rules more often now." So then I said, "THEY'LL JUST THINK RELIGIOUS PEOPLE ARE STRANGE. IF IT'S NOT ONE THING IT'S ANOTHER!" He said, "Um..you're over-reacting."

Then that same night we went to a friend's wedding. At the goodbyes, a non-Muslim female hugged me and I hugged her, then she went to shake my husband's hand and he shook her hand! Busted! He told me later that he did not expect her to shake his hand so he was unprepared and so automatically went to shake her hand. He said he'd try to remember "to avoid it" next time. I was still like, "what's the big deal?," and I do not understand why shaking hands could be wrong, especially where here it means goodwill and friendship?! And we got into a heated discussion about it, the rules are the rules for a reason, even if I don't completely agree/understand. He said I should not try to pick apart every situation but just try to follow the principles involved. Hmm? Hmm.

So then yesterday we went to my Mormon friend's wedding reception. I was a bit nervous of course knowing that it would be mostly Mormons there, so I would be only one of two Muslim woman hijabis there. Just nervous in the sense that I would be different and draw attention to myself. But I was also a bit nervous about the whole handshake thing. I thought about wearing gloves, but then thought it would be too hot for that. And even though I could wear gloves in a stylish way, my hubby couldn't!

So the bride (my good Mormon friend who is familiar with Islam) went to shake my husband's hand, but she seemed to suddenly remember or understand or know about the "no handshaking rule," and there was a little awkwardness as she withdrew her hand quickly and nodded as if to say, "oh yeah" and muttered something like, "you don't..." Then I said to her, "oh, good. I was worried about an awkward moment," and we all briefly laughed. Then it was her new husband's turn to greet us, so another potential awkward moment presented itself. I had kept my hands behind my back, and my husband swooped in and shook his hand which seemed to nip it in the bud. There was another Muslim couple there who DID shake their hands, so I'm sure that creates some confusion to the non-Muslims, "Okay, that Muslim shook my hand, but that Muslim did not...Um, what? Why?" My hubby thinks the solution is for all Muslims to NOT shake hands. I think there's no solution. It is what it is. religious people are weird!!! You never know what to expect from us. One of us will hug you, shake your hand, the other one will say, "No we can't." You just never know what you're gonna get...I guess I should call this post...MUSLIMS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATE :-)

Since the bride was my friend who is familiar with Islam, I wasn't worried that she would think it was weird for us not to shake hands, but I did feel concerned that she would have felt embarrassed. It is sort of a rejection to put out your hand and then have the person decline to shake it. Maybe she felt the same sort of embarrassment as I did when I asked her if I could see the videotape of the marriage ceremony, "There isn't one," she said. "Video cameras aren't allowed in the temple because it is very sacred." And then I asked, "What about pictures?" "Nope." I felt dumb because I should have known that about the Mormon temple, since she has been my friend for years. And then I felt dumb for asking the second question because why would they allow pictures if they didn't allow video? Duh. I think I asked the second question just to cover up the awkwardness from the first question but just ended up making myself more embarrassed by trying to "keep talking." Haha... It's hard to be comfortable with other people's religious rules even when you want to be as much as possible...it still gets confusing at times for everyone involved! So, to my non-Muslim friends I say, "Thanks for staying so kind and respectful, even when the things we do, do not always make sense to you!" (And the same attitude would be nice for Muslims to have towards other Muslims)!

TALK by COLDPLAY:

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you, cause I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and I wanna talk to you
Oh I wanna talk to you
You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or a write a song nobody has sung
Or do something that's never been done
Do something that's never been done

So you don't know were you're going, and you wanna talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You tell anyone who'll listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all
Let's talk, let's talk
Let's talk, let's talk

Hijabi Watch

2008-05-11T11:06:00.000-07:00

I really want to thank everyone who has left comments lately, especially those hijabis who took the time to fill out the scarf survey. I've enjoyed reading all of them. InshaaAllah, in the near future I will organize and add some thoughts to the survey replies and then post them here on the blog.

In the meantime, I'm going to start a "hijabi watch," which is a post whenever I see another hijabi out in public. I think it will give me and you an interesting perspective on how many are out there (in my life, at least).

Last week, I saw a hijabi in an Half-Price Books bookstore. I think she was with her husband and her two daughters (as I was too!). She was wearing an Pakistani/Indian style shalwar kameez, a headscarf, and another shawl wrapped around her. I think she was East Asian, perhaps Indonesian, which made me glad because since my hubby is half Korean, and therefore my kids are part Korean, I like seeing other East Asian Muslims around! I started imagining that her family and ours were friends, and how good that would be. But I was also very shy at first and avoided her. But then I thought, I should go up to her, so as my young daughter walked near her, I looked at her and she said, "As-salam-a-alaykum," and I said, "Wa-alaykumm-as-salam," and then I softly added, "How are you?" hoping to start a conversation, but it didn't happen. Then I wished there was some way I could say, "hey, if you ever wanna talk, call me," so I thought I should carry a "business card," around with me that says, "Hey Hijabi. There's not many of us around this town, let's be friends. Call or Email me!" Hahaha. I guess that would be too weird though...

There's a New Sheriff in Town

2008-05-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

Not many people replied to the scarf survey. Oh well. There's still time. And thank you to those of you who did reply. I will inshaaAllah post the results later with some discussion.

A couple of questions on the survey lead me to this post. One is the best thing about wearing it question. I replied that "being in the hijabi club," is the best part for me. I need to clarify I think. There are several hijabi clubs. The one I like is the one wear Muslim girls want to wear the scarf as a part of their Islamic duty and identity and at the same time, they want to be stylish and "with it." I think this is the best type of support for someone like me because it shows that we can still follow the Islamic rules while at the same time enjoying our lives, having fun with our style, expressing ourselves! And there's usually--but not entirely-- hijabis in this group who are not ALL OR NOTHING hijabis, who are OK with a little arm or neck showing if it happens to. The second survey question which brings me to this post is the one about a hijabi having to REPRESENT Islam...

So...
As I've mentioned a lot, I am not the "cover every inch type," in terms of my hijab preferences. Now, this gives way to an opening to those Muslims who take the Islamic concept of "enjoin the good and forbid the evil," very seriously in terms of hijab. Let's call them the "hijab police." I think that most Muslims are part of the hijab police in some form of another. The father that tells his daughter to cover up her chest or legs, the sister that tells her brother that his t-shirt is too tight and his hair gel is making her gag, the husband that tells his wife she needs to cover her hair, etc.

And then there's the hijabi girl who insists that all hijabi girls must cover completely, meaning no hairline, no ear, no neck, no nothing---NOT EVEN ACCIDENTALLY. And this hijabi girl, let's call her, "hijabi sheriff", comes in both the well-intentioned and the non-well-intentioned type.

The well-intentioned hijabi sheriff is sincere and strong in her belief that Muslim women must ONLY, AT ALL TIMES show only their face and hands, and nothing in between EVER. And so she will tell other hijabi women if their scarf is slipping or if they wear 3/4 style sleeves that they really should get some arm covers, and they will kindly say, "remember that wearing earrings is not part of hijab," and she will smile. And she will usually just correct her hijabi friends.

Then there's the non-well-intentioned hijabi sheriff. There are 3 main kinds of this type. The first is a hijabi girl who is also strong in her belief that every inch must be covered, and she is usually annoyed/irritated, angry, and/or embarassed when she sees a hijabi woman who's hijab style (or behavior) is less than perfect. She'll say, "OH Please do not wear your scarf half-way on--it's confusing to the non-Muslims. Remember you are representing Islam. Do it RIGHT or do not do it at ALL." You may notice her roll her eyes a bit after she says that. And she'll say that to a stranger even, or at least tell someone she knows that the stranger is a no good hijabi. This hijabi sheriff may even insist that only pastel colors, dark colors, abayas, and/or some other restriction applies to correct hijab.

The second hijabi girl sheriff does not even do hijab--but she will correct a hijabi if the hijabi is doing something "un-Islamic" such as eating non-halal meat, or talking to a non-related man, or listening to music, or wearing tight-clothes under her designer scarf. She won't usually correct her to her face, but she'll bring it up to her friends or on a discussion group online. She'll say, "That's why I don't want to wear hijab--because I see hijabi girls who are so two-faced--I don't want to be like them. I would only wear hijab if I was a totally perfectly committed Muslim."

And the third hijabi girl sheriff is not even a girl--she's a man! She's the Muslim guy who goes up to the girl with the scarf and says, "Um, your jeans are too tight. Just FYI."

OK. So. All of us Muslims have been there. Judging and/or critiquing and/or evaluating how other Muslims dress, especially the women. But the hijab sheriffs are the ones that are currently on my mind, the ones that I truly do not want to be like. Except maybe for the well-intentioned ones, I think they should just really mind their own business and/or CHILL OUT. In my understanding, you have to enjoin the good AND forbid the evil, not enjoin the good OR forbid the evil. To approach some stranger and tell her that she's doing her hijab wrong will likely cause her some harm, mentally and emotionally. She may end up not wanting to be preachy like YOU, she may end up throwing the scarf away forever. Is that good? Do you think it's likely that she does not know how she's dressing, that she does not know the code or the rules? It's not that likely. It's more likely that she's dressing in the best way she can, in the way she is comfortable. Your judgement is your problem, not hers. And don't talk about her to anyone, that's gossip. So shut-it.

And the concept that a hijabi girl is "representing Islam," is taken way out of hand I think. Where in the Quran or in Hadith does it say women must cover up because they are representing Islam? And by the way, that whole teach as a walking symbol concept is what keeps a lot of non-hijabi women from trying hijab because they feel that they are not perfectly Muslim enough or committed enough--so they don't even try it. Is that good? For some of those non-hijabi who use that reasoning, they are sincere and do not want to mis-represent Islam, they feel that hijab is the LAST THING a Muslim woman arrives at on her journey to God, that it's the "first place ribbon," or the "graduation diploma," that says she's "arrived." For other non-hijabi women it is a welcome relief not to have to wear the scarf using that reasoning because the self-deprecation involved gives way for more compassion, i.e. "oh, she's not ready yet. She honors hijab so much that she's going to wait until the right time, until she can wear it with perfection and total sacrifice because wearing it is so extremely hard. She's just not there yet."

When I was in high school and I wore the headscarf, it wasn't just the non-Muslims who bothered me. I was part of this girl's youth group that had meetings and discussions. I remember one discussion when a hijabi girl told us all, "remember that if a man looks at you and sees you non-covered--then YOU are responsible for HIS sin as well." Hmm. That didn't sound right to me. And I was guilty of being the hijab police back then too. I remember telling one of my friends that I did not want to go the ice-cream store with a big group of Muslim girls because "it would bother me," when the non-hijabis who wore their scarf at the meetings but not in public would take their scarves off at the ice-cream store. Hmm. Why did it bother me? Why couldn't I just live my own life my own way and let them live theres? Why? I think that I felt it was unfair. If I had to endure stares while wearing the scarf--then they should too. And then there was this girl, Huneza. Yup. She was a friend of a friend. She was Muslim. She did not wear a scarf. She had trendy clothes and long thick curly hair that she always wore down. One day, after I had decided to stop wearing the scarf, Huneza approached me and said something like this, "I'm so disappointed in you. You let them (the non-Muslim) win. You should have kept wearing the scarf and been stronger." Hmm. At the time I was so shocked and said something like, "Um..but you don't even wear a scarf yourself...?" She went on to say it didn't matter that SHE didn't wear a scarf--it was because I had started to wear it and then stopped--I was more at fault. That event I will never forget. It still hurts just thinking about it. How dare she be so judgemental? What the? Now I understand that she held some higher standard to those who wear the scarf, a standard that she did not have to live up to herself, since she hadn't "committed" to it yet.

Oh, and then of course there are the imams, the maulanas, the alims that police hijab. They probably have the most honorable intentions when it comes to correcting women's hijab since they have spent a good part of their lives in sincere scholarship of Islam. Still, I think they should also be gentle in their approach.
Another hijab correction I remember is when I was engaged to be married to my husband. My mother and I went to meet with our resident alim, the maulana, at our Islamic center. He liked to have a pre-marital counseling session with couples and their families. My mother and I went together. We wore Pakistani style shalwar kameez and long, wide wraps on our head and bodies. My mothers hairline started to show after awhile as her wrap slipped down. I'm sure my hairline started to show too. Other than that, we were all covered up. Later, the maulana spoke to my mother on the phone regarding another matter about the wedding and he blurted out in a frustrated/angry tone: "And you [and your daughter] do not even wear hijab correctly!" Hmm. My mother almost started crying when he said that and when she told me what he had said, her voice cracked with hurt. I still feel hurt when thinking of that event. It was his tone. And plus...it was just our hair-line--did that deserve such harsh correction? Does that kind of attitude really help to foster community? Is that kind of judging attitude the reason that so many non-hijabi women do not want to be active in the Islamic centers? Because they do not want their appearance to be scrutinized? Maybe. Probably. I know I am still like that. I still do not want to be too involved in the Islamic center community here becasue among other reasons, I do not want to be OUTED if someone from there sees me shopping with a scarf wrapped around my head while at the same time showing an inch of hairline or neck or wearing make-up.

Like I said, I'm guilty of hijab policing too. I wonder out loud why some women cover their hair but then wear an Indian sari that shows cleavage. But I really want to stop doing that. I want to be on the same team, the same side as other Muslims. I don't want to separate myself from them just because they don't follow my style, my ways, even my beliefs the exact same way. I want to support them. Support any effort they make to be sincerely Muslim, to be sincerely human. And I think I will go ahead and become more involved in the Islamic center even if some other members judge me for not being "this or that," because there should be more people like me involved.
Basically, I think all types of Muslims should be involved, diversity fosters understanding and compassion and that's usually good, right?

I remember when I did not wear the scarf and went to an Islamic conference where most of the other girls did wear one. One day, a new girl attended a speech. She had her scarf on kind of loose on her head and she looked at me with my bare head for a few long seconds. The next day she was there without her scarf on. I think she saw me there without a scarf and realized she did not HAVE to wear one either just to be like the other girls. Would that Islamic conference have been better off without me or that other girl there? Wouldn't any benefit that conference have to offer benefit me and the other girl just as much as the girls with the scarves on? How many other Muslims would have attended and could have benefited from the conference if they weren't afraid of being judged by their appearance? Also, some of the girls who DID wear scarves at the conference actually still inspire me to keep being part of the hijabi club now. Because they were cool and understanding and non-judgmental.

There was an Oprah episode about Islam in which Oprah tried to educate America about Islam. On the "After the Show," part, many of the hijabi women said they did not like Queen Rania of Jordan being on the show because she does not represent Islamic dress correctly. How petty is that? Queen Rania had so many wonderful things to say about Islam and about her beliefs in it--yet those hijabi police refused to even let her in the "Muslim club" because she shows her hair and shows her legs. How petty in my opinion. Divisive. Mean. Judgemental.

And then there's a group in the hijabi police who are Muslims themselves, love Islam, and yet still insist that Muslim women SHOULD NOT wear a scarf, saying things like: "The veil was invented by the Turks some 100 years after the Prophet (pbuh & hf)." Others say, "The veil is a form of patriarchal oppression." Once I had a Muslim teacher who taught Islamic history say that the headscarf was used in the Prophet's (pbuh & hf) time to distinguish the prostitutes from the non-prostitutes and is therefore not relevant in our modern times. I could easily be in this group if it were not for the influence of friends and family. You see, there's a huge part of my thinking based on my personal background that insists that the headscarf is not needed in order to dress modestly, that showing the hair, neck and ears is NO BIG DEAL. And along with this thinking, the belief is similar to that of the teacher I mentioned above, that if it was used in the Prophet's (pbuh & hf), then it was used for a purpose that is no longer needed in our day and age. I'm not currently in this group, but there's often a pull I feel from it. Still, as a Shia-Muslim who follows the rulings of a particular Shia scholar, I can not deny the rule of covering all but face and hands.

I know this is all SO COMPLEX when in fact it could be SO SIMPLE. I know. For some, it's simply an Islamic requirement and so I should just shut-up about it. But to me, there are so many cultural and social implications surrounding the headscarf, that it should be looked at carefully. I think there is an entire "hijab culture," that has a lot of negativity in it, a sort of corruption. I really don't mean to cause any more confusion about it. I just want it to make sense to me so that I can keep wearing it without any doubts. So far, there's still doubts, but I hope I'm still in the club.

SCARF SURVEY

2008-04-29T15:30:00.000-07:00

If you're reading this and you wear a Muslim headscarf, please take a minute to answer the survey questions. Just cut and paste the survey and add your answers under COMMENTS. My answers are at the bottom. And feel free to write an essay if you want, I made it multiple choice for those of you who don't have much time. Thanks!

Please specify in which part of the world you live: __________

1. What was the main influence on your decision to wear the scarf?

A. Religious obligation and/or identity
B. Cultural expectation/obligation
C. Family
D. Friends
E. Other:

2. What's the best thing about wearing the headscarf?

A. Fullfilling religious obligation
B. Belonging to a certain group
C. Being free of sexual harassment
D. Other:

3. What's the worst thing about wearing the headscarf?

A. Racism/Prejudice
B. Feeling different/strange/odd/out of place
C. Hot weather
D. Trying to be fasionable AND modest at the same time
E. Other:

4. Should a Muslim woman who wears the scarf be expected to be a role model of a "good Muslim?"

A. Yes
B. No
C. Depends
D. Other:

5. Is it ever OK for a Muslim who wears the headscarf to appear without it in public for any reason?

A. No, never
B. Yes, whenever
C. Depends
D. Other:

6. What is your usual scarf/hijab style? (Do you match your scarf with your outfit? Do you wear an abaya or niqaab? Do you wear only a certain color of scarf? Etc...)

7. Are you the type that is

A. OK with a little neck or ear or shoulder or hairline exposed
B. or are you the type that must cover every inch?

THANKS!

My Answers:
Please specify in which part of the world you live: _America_________

1. What was the main influence on your decision to wear the scarf?

A. Religious obligation and/or identity
B. Cultural expectation/obligation
C. Family
D. Friends
E. Other: Both A and C. My husband kept reminding me it was my religious duty

2. What's the best thing about wearing the headscarf?

A. Fullfilling religious obligation
B. Belonging to a certain group
C. Being free of sexual harassment
D. Other: B, I like being part of the hijabi group

3. What's the worst thing about wearing the headscarf?

A. Racism/Prejudice
B. Feeling different/strange/odd/out of place
C. Hot weather
D. Trying to be fasionable AND modest at the same time
E. Other: Mostly B, but also all the others

4. Should a Muslim woman who wears the scarf be expected to be a role model of a "good Muslim?"

A. Yes
B. No
C. Depends
D. Other/Please explain: No because just because she is following one rule of Islam, I don't expect her to follow all of the rules all of the time

5. Socially speaking, is it ever OK for a Muslim who wears the headscarf to appear without it in public for any reason?

A. No, never
B. Yes, whenever
C. Depends
D. Other: Yes, I think it's OK because just like a Muslim who skips his/her prayers on a random day or skip a fast, sometimes a Muslim can decide not to wear the scarf on a random day as well. It's only for GOD to judge, not anyone else's business

6. What is your usual scarf/hijab style? (Do you match your scarf with your outfit? Do you wear an abaya or niqaab? Do you wear only a certain color of scarf? Etc...)

Dark hijab with long shirt and pants.

7. Are you the type that is

A. OK with a little neck or ear or shoulder or hairline exposed
B. or are you the type that must cover every inch

I am A

Where OH Wear...

2008-04-23T19:50:00.000-07:00

Two of my friends wear a headscarf, but they live out of state. Still, I know at least a dozen other friends of friends who wear it that live in my same city. BUT I NEVER SEE THEM when I go out! WHERE ARE THEY? It would be so comforting to see another hijabi (especially one who wears the scarf/pant/long shirt style that I do) when I go out. It would make me so much less self-conscious about looking different/foreign. Now, granted, I only go out to 3 or 4 different places (Target, Wal-Mart, Ross, Barnes and Noble, Half Price Books, and Dollar General-- yes I'm not very wealthy). But still, you'd think I'd see another hijabi now and then! I can count on my fingers the number of hijabi's I've just randomly seen in a year. And most of them were wearing abayas and/or African styles--only one was a scarf/pants/long shirt hijabi. Where are you guys? Where do u hang out? Where do you go shopping? You're all too cool for Wal-Mart, right? (I don't blame you there). Maybe you're just at the cool university coffee shops? At the mall?

Anyway, I've started wearing a large headband that goes from my hairline to the middle of my head, and then wrapping a long scarf loosely on top of the head, which covers the rest of my head, then bringing both ends in the front and then placing the ends around my neck. I like it looser since it is hot these days and also, it gives a different look I think, something more stylish...something more Western looking (I think, but I could be wrong). Well, this way, if it is windy, then the scarf part will slip off, which actually doesn't bother me except for me having to adjust it. But I know some pro-hijabi's would say that it doesn't count as hijab if it slips off even for a second. And they would say the same thing if a bit of neck, or ears, or arm, etc. shows too. My husband nags me when things are not completely covered up too, but to me, in general, I don't think it has to be all or nothing.

Anyway, it was this style that I was wearing (a black headband with white polka dots and a black scarf) while at Wal-Mart (I wish I didn't have to go there, but it's so convenient), both an African American man and a Caucasian man were staring at me. The AA man worked there and was stocking items, he was young, and it didn't bother me that he was staring. The Caucasian man was an elderly customer, and it DID bother me, enough so that I slightly turned my head and said, "What?!" When the AA man was looking, I thought to myself that maybe he thought my scarf looked cool and hip. When the older man was looking, I thought that he was hateful/racist. I don't know why I had these thoughts, I had no proof. It was just my thoughts and feelings. I could I have been wrong about both. Hmm... why did one bother me and not the other? Why did I assume one was admiring me and the other was judging me? Was it their race? Was it their age? Was it their behavior?

I was also wearing loose jeans, a long pink t-shirt that said TEXAS LONGHORNS in white letters on the front, and white arm covers. I really like that look because it was comfortable as well as looking cute and it covered everything. The pink and white were cool spring/summer colors and the TEXAS LONGHORNS made me feel part of the local culture.

Anyway, here is an article about the way the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints women dress, I found it interesting:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24245576/?GT1=43001
For a society accustomed to the likes of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, the images of the women from the polygamist compound in Texas are almost shocking in their understatement: Ankle-length dresses, makeup-less faces, hauntingly uniform hair.

And while no one would accuse the women of making a fashion statement, the pioneer-style outfits are a rare example of how in an age of overexposure, modesty, too, can give pause.

The puff-sleeved, pastel dresses worn by the women in the sect are a combination of original 19th-century wear and 1950s clothing that was adopted when the church took a conservative turn, according to Janet Bennion, an anthropologist who studies polygamist women.

The dresses are meant to show modesty and conformity: They go down to the ankles and wrists, and are often worn over garments or pants, making sure every possibly provocative inch of skin is covered.em>

John Llewellyn, a polygamy expert and retired Salt Lake County sheriff's lieutenant, says the women cover themselves "so that they're unattractive to the outside world or other men."

The appearance of unity through uniform dress, however, can belie the jealousy that often arises when the women — who might all look alike to an outsider — find themselves in competition with one another over the affections of the same man, Llewellyn says.

Special stitchings detail commitment
The clothing is also stitched with special markings "to protect the body and to remind you of your commitment," Bennion says. She declined to go into detail about the stitchings because she said it would be an infraction against the fundamentalist Mormon community to talk about their sacred symbols.

Pastel colors evoke femininity and don't come across as bold or strong, says Bennion, a professor at Lyndon State College in Vermont.

Then there's the question of the elaborate hairdos.

The women never cut their hair because they believe they will use it to wash Christ's feet during the Second Coming, Bennion says. A Biblical quote says a woman's hair should be her crowning glory.

The bangs are grown out and rolled (but usually not using a curling iron, because that would be too modern). There are sausage curls on the sides and often braids down the back.

The exact history of the hairstyle is unclear, but it is reminiscent of the Gibson Girl image of the 1800s. It's a pre-World War II look, exaggerated with the pompadour, Llewellyn says. Chloe Sevigny's character in the HBO show "Big Love," about modern polygamist Mormons, has mastered the 'do.

Celebrity stylist and salon owner Ted Gibson thinks it gives off a "homely" impression.

"It says 'I don't really care very much. I really don't have time to worry about the way that I look, because I have 20 children,'" Gibson said. "He's going from wife to wife to wife, so why should I look any better than the other ones?" The article starts off well, explaining the difference in dress, showing appreciation for a modest style. But what's with Ted Gibson's last remark? It seems rather rude and judgemental and demeaning! Now, I don't agree with the polygamy lifestyle in any way, but still, that was a rude remark. Here's the rest of the article:

It's not outlandish to imagine the prairie look influencing today's styles, given that trends can come from unexpected places, and Sevigny is known as a style-setter. You can already find blouses with high necks and ruffles in stores, and puffed shoulders on short and long-sleeved shirts.

Influencing this season's fashions?
Prairie skirts are in fashion this season, while dusty pastels and neutrals are being introduced to offset trendy bold colors and patterns.

Long hair is also on its way back in, preparing to replace the currently fashionable bobs, Gibson says. Buns never go completely out of style, according to Gibson — he often gives celebrities a half-up-half-down 'do, essentially what we're seeing in the photographs coming out of Texas.

But for the most part, the looks that arise from the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints are likely to stay there.

On her blog, the fashion editor of glam.com wondered if the spotlight on the Texas raid would make otherwise innocuous pastels unsavory, given their dubious association with polygamists.

"Unexpected perversion? Right-wing fads?" Susan Cernek wrote. "Sounds like a good Halloween costume ... or Marc Jacobs Spring '09."

Allison Berlin, founder of Style Made Simple, doesn't expect Mormon-inspired fashion to go mainstream.

"Women don't actually want to look like that," she says. "I can see the Brooklyn hipsters rocking a French braid, but not in a serious way. Maybe ironically."

Anyway, that's it for now.

What Would You Do?

2008-04-23T18:34:00.000-07:00
The following segment was on The Oprah Show, orginally from PRIMETIME ABC.

http://www.oprah.com/tows/slide/200804/20080423/slide_20080423_284_105.jhtml

I got tears in my eyes as I watched, especially the part when the people are helping the victim:

"What would you do if an act of racism took place in front of you?

For the next scenario, the What Would You Do? crew heads to a roadside bakery in Texas for an experiment on prejudice and patriotism. Both workers behind the counter are actors. When a Muslim actress comes into the store, the male clerk verbally assaults her. "You've got to take your business elsewhere. We don't serve your kind here," he says. "Get back on the camel and go back wherever you came from." While the Muslim woman continues to be assaulted with blatant bigotry, several customers in the bakery barely look up.

When no one will speak up for her, the Muslim woman asks another customer if he will order an apple strudel for her. The man stumbles over his words, reluctant to help. After leaving the bakery, John approaches the customer to see why he wouldn't step in. "Me, speak up for her?" he says. "Well, if he would try to do some harm to her or something, then I would have."

Other customers in the bakery not only ignore the Muslim woman, but they actually applaud the racist clerk. "Hooray for you," one man says. "I think that's the first time I've ever seen that. Good job. Appreciate it."

The experiment continues over the next five hours, and many other customers ignore the racism going on in front of them—but a few refuse to stay silent. When one offended man threatens to leave the store, the actor behind the counter tells him he's a bad American. "I believe I am a good American," he says. "My son just came back from serving in the army for over a year in Iraq, and that has nothing to do with her rights."

Of all of the customers who speak up, the most persistent are two women named Alison and Jasmeen. "You're really offensive and disgusting," Alison says. Jasmeen is not dressed in traditional clothes but points out that she is also Muslim. "She is my culture," she says. "So you're ready to serve me, but you're not ready to serve her?" Instead of leaving in anger, the women stand their ground and ask to speak with a manager.

By the end of this experiment, six people side with the bigoted clerk and 13 people stand up for the Muslim woman. The other 22 bystanders say absolutely nothing.

Although Alison wasn't afraid to speak up, she's shocked that other customers refused to come to the woman's aid. "Some of my closest friends are Middle Eastern, and it's horrible to see the kind of discrimination they experience on a regular basis," she says. "I think this country can do better than that."

John says this experiment also struck a nerve with him. After approaching one of the men who supported the racist clerk, John says the man told him, "John Quiñones, you are not an American."

"My family's been in Texas for six generations, and it reminded me of what my Mexican father used to tell me," John says. "He used to pick cotton in South Texas. He said there used to be signs in some of the restaurants [saying,] 'No Mexicans or dogs allowed inside.' Unfortunately, some of those remnants are still there."

The hateful words were so hurtful, as if the person was saying it to me. And it reminded me of when I wore the scarf in high school and people were so rude to me. And then when the people were telling off the racist guy, it was really touching to see them being so honorable and kind and intelligent.

Little House All Over the World

2008-04-15T22:04:00.001-07:00

I enjoy watching re-runs of "Little House on the Prairie." The average person always dressed modestly, and most people were of faith and family. Anyway, the other day, there was a scene in which someone said that the Greeks invented Algebra. That was odd because I thought Muslims did. So here's some info from the net: The word 'algebra' itself comes from a book called Kitab al-Jabr wa-l-Muqabala (translated: Calculation by Way of Restoration and Confrontation or Calculation by Completion and Balance) written by Persian mathematician Muhammad ibn Mosa al-Khwarizmi (approximately) in the year 820 AD. However, this was not the first written record of algebraic concepts or manipulation. Ancient Egyptians, Babylonians, Indians, Chinese, among others have written records further developing the basic human reasoning skill into a structured, yet creative art form. http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Who_invented_algebra
And then, in the same scene, the character said, "If Mohammad won't go to the mountain, then bring the mountain to Mohammad." Ok...so that was annoying to me. First they don't give proper credit to the Muslim man who wrote the book on Algebra, and then they use some archaic phrase using the name of Islam's Prophet in some odd expression. Anyway, my positive view of the show decreased then. But I still like it in general. That's just life. You admire something and then end up getting disappointed that the thing you like doesn't really know who you are. (That will only make sense if you can relate to what I'm saying...Ha Ha Ha :-)

Here are some more pics that I have copied from the net, some from these other hijabi blogs:
http://hijabstyle.blogspot.com/
http://beautifulmuslimah.blogspot.com/

http://www.hijabifashionista.blogspot.com/
And my apologies to anyone who doesn't get proper credit for the photographs. Please comment me to correct.

I like the artistic aspect of these pics of hijabi style. I would not likely wear most of them mostly because they would require too much effort to pull off, and I am a bit hesitant to say that one should devote soooooo much energy to fashion in the first place. Still, I like to include these photos mainly for any non-Muslim reader of my blog to show him or her that Muslim modesty doesn't have to be dark and mysterious. It can be fun and fashionable...friendly and fierce. Just like Muslim women in general, all over the world...

And And

2008-04-07T13:25:00.000-07:00
More random thoughts, some that I might be repeating...

Well, it's been almost a year since I started the scarf. It's still a part of my day to day wardrobe, which is a good sign. The main question that still gets to me is: WHY AM I STILL STRUGGLING WITH IT AT TIMES? I have heard from other Muslim women who wear the scarf that it is "a part of them," and they could not imagine going out without it. But for me, I often imagine going out without it and feel irritated that I have to put it on. Most the times that I feel irritated have to do with the weather. If it is really warm/hot outside, then I feel more negative about it. And also on days when I feel just grubby and tired and do not want any attention, I wish I did not have to wear the scarf. And there are still times when I try to figure out how I can do hijab without looking different, e.g. trying to wear a hat and a neck scarf. And there are lots of days where I feel like I don't want to deal with being seen with the scarf that I just do not go out (to the store/post office/apartment complex area/parks/etc). But it's not too bad.

One thing that helps me answer the question about why I'm still struggling is remembering that I am coming from a perspective where my family and my culture say that wearing the scarf is not really mandatory. And my culture includes BOTH Pakistani and American cultures.

Another thought I had...
Using the reasoning that women should wear the scarf/do hijab to "hide their beauty," works well when the women is young and attractive. But what about the other women who do not fit into the definition of beautiful? Should they skip the scarf? What about girls with low self-esteem who think that covering up will make them look even more unattractive than they already feel? I think the best way to deal with this is to use the reasoning that the scarf/hijab is to PREVENT VANITY. That way, the reason works for all types of women of all shapes, sizes, skin-types, and ages. And the reason helps men also be modest in their dress as well. It's vanity that will get us all in trouble. It is really difficult not to be vain, and observing hijab can be a way to help us out with that?

Another thought I had...
I wonder, with younger girls who have reached the age when wearing the scarf is required/recommended/suggested (usually age 9 in the Shia-Muslim community and at the start of menstruation in the Sunni-Muslim community), is it best that they are TOLD to do it or just encouraged gently? Or should the decision be left totally up to them? I guess the greater question is, how do parents teach religion and religious customs to children in the most fair way?

And...
in a previous post I mentioned that wearing an abaya is foreign looking and can seem ancient. I got many comments about that. Of course it is possible to look modern even while wearing an abaya, and of course it is possible by being totally covered up and yet being immodest. Here are some pictures where wearing an abaya does look stylish:

The above pictures are not entirely hijab, being that the sleeves are sheer and the hair is showing in the last photo, but the abaya style is there. It still looks good, but to me, it still looks Middle Eastern in style, which might draw more stares than wearing pants and a long shirt, or a skirt and a shirt with hijab. Anyhoo...that's it for now.

Lots of Thoughts

2008-03-19T17:48:00.000-07:00
Here's a quick and random trip through some thoughts and feelings I've recently had.

1. I went to a university rally in support of the Palestinians. I knew it was organized by my Islamic center and the religious leader would be there, along with other active members of the center. I wanted to make sure I dressed on the more conservative side, so I wore an extra-long brown shirt dress that went to my mid-calf, black pants, black socks, black shoes, and a brown headscarf. So, I fit in with the Islamic crowd, and I wasn't worried that I would appear immodest in any way. But when I had the chance to walk around campus alone, I completely withdrew. I didn't want to be seen. This was the same campus that I had trekked around upon before I wore the headscarf, feeling perfectly part of the student body. But it was the extra-long top that made me feel not myself. It resembled an abaya. It made me feel foreign. And I didn't have a backpack either. And I was self-conscious also from the rally. There had been a heated debate between the Muslim speaker and some Jewish students. After the rally, me and my hubby were going to go out to eat. But I insisted I go home and put on a different shirt before I would feel comfortable going out. So I put on a long sleeve, baggy shirt, but it was shorter--still covering my backside, but more tailored, and with a pretty swirly beige and white pattern. I felt A LOT more comfortable in it. So just one little change can make a difference in how I feel. The second shirt just felt more like ME.

2. I saw this program on a Christian channel in which a man and woman were discussing religion. The lady said, "What about those women in Afghanistan who wear those burkas (the one that covers head to toe in one piece, with only eyes showing)?" The man replied with something like this: The thing is that these women want to dress modestly, but the men say that they need to cover everything to keep them (the men) from lusting. But the truth is that men will lust after women even if the women are wrapped in concrete. So it's sad that these men use it (the burka) to control the women." "That's so evil," the woman said. "It's not how you dress on the outside that matters. It's what's inside those men's hearts that is not right." SOOOOOOO GEEZE. OKAY. WOW. I think that exchange must represent what a lot of people, Christian or not, think when they see a Muslim woman covered up. First of all, it makes me wish those Taliban people did not represent Islam or religion at all because their view on Islam and religion is not representative of the actual truth. The thing is, what the man said is true to some extent, I think. But I just hate the association that implies that all Muslim men control women by forcing them to wear a burka. And I dislike how the burka may be seen as the same thing as a headscarf. AND I dislike how it's all about "preventing men from lusting after women," because that is NOT the only and not even the MAIN reason for hijab. It's to protect women in every sense--NOT to help the men to control themselves. Men are responsible for themselves, who they stare at, and the lust in their hearts--just like women.

3. On ABC News, there was a so-called "report" on Iraq, 5 years later. They "interviewed" one woman, a teacher. She mentioned that the situation in Iraq is bad these days because, for example, a lot of Iraqi women go out in public with a headscarf just to be protected from the "conservatives." That was quite annoying to me. Basically it left the impression that women in Iraq do not really want to wear the scarf, but only do so because they are afraid of being targeted/hurt by people who will force their beliefs onto them in an aggressive way. It's annoying because it's just one aspect of the whole situation. I can't even explain it. The problem is the simplistic, one-sided view that this kind of "story" represents to the West making it seem like scarf-wearing women are once again oppressed by controlling men.

4. This is from an Oprah show: Carolyn says the polygamist community that she was in was very isolated—there was no television, Internet, radios or newspapers. "Warren Jeffs locked this community down," she says. "They imposed, essentially, a morality police force that would rat on women if they weren't adhering to the proper dress code and have their hair a certain way." "When I left [Colorado City], it was like landing on another planet," Carolyn says. "I didn't even understand that there were basic human rights that I actually possessed as a woman. I was used to doing what I was told to do and you do not question." OKAY...SO...the reason I'm bringing this up is because to me it represents a view of religion that many people might even associate Islam with, even though the show was about Christians (specifically the largest and most secretive polygamist sect, known as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or FLDS). And the majority of Muslims are not like that. Not all religions are like that.

Also, at the end of the show, Carolyn said she was surprised that no one stared at her anymore. And Oprah said, "that's because you're not dressed like you're straight out of the 1800's anymore!" "Right! I fit in." And I thought that was interesting because it made me think about how alot of Muslim women DO look like they are straight out of ancient times and people can say, "Why don't they just get with the times?!" And the answer may be that those people do not like the times they are in and think that the modern world is corrupt, so why should they in any way look like they are part of modern society? The thing is, that answer is somewhat ANTI-social I think. And I don't want to be anti-social. And so that goes back to why I feel more comfortable wearing jeans and a long shirt as opposed to a long abaya/burka type garment. I want to feel like I AM part of the times and part of the culture I live in! I think we CAN (and probably SHOULD) be Muslim and be part of those things at
the same time without any loss of integrity and faith.

Here is an abaya. I think this type of outfit is "straight out of the 1800's, ancient times." I know a lot of Muslim women dress like this, especially in other countries. I think the look is fine, but in America, this kind of look would draw more stares, more assumption of being foreign:

This is a version of the hijab which I feel is more "with the times and part of the culture," a look which I like better than the above abaya look.

Of course the difference between the abaya look and the second photo might also be a generational thing, of course the girls in the second photo are younger, hipper, teenagers, but I think it conveys my point about looking "ancient" and "fitting in" while still wearing hijab.

A Head with Class

2008-02-11T13:22:00.000-08:00
Please click on the ads by Google so I can rake in some cash ;-) The more the better. Hee Haw. Thanks. Be well. Enjoy.

Article of Faith and Fashion!

2008-02-06T21:12:00.000-08:00

Here is another interesting article I found, linked from this other blog:

Hijab Style: http://hijabstyle.blogspot.com/

The picture is from Ari Versluis/ Muslim Girl Magazine

Muslim fashion designers moving beyond the traditional
By Robb Young

Tuesday, September 18, 2007
LONDON:

Punks or ravers they certainly are not. Discrete and devout, their kind of fashion statement could not be further from the razor-sharp mohawks or day-glo accessories of those counter-culture types. But young Muslim entrepreneurs around the world are making their own fashion statements, modestly, challenging the status quo in their communities as well as stereotypes outside.

In an ever-influential global pop culture that idolizes the shortest of skirts and catwalks where flesh can overshadow fabric, Muslims from Sydney to Saudi Arabia who love fashion are taking matters into their own hands.

"When I first took up the hijab seven years ago it was a struggle to find any fashionable clothing. Dressing up was an ordeal to the point where I'd have to mix and match parts and pieces of clothing from several stores, just to come out with a single outfit," said Sarah Binhejaila, a Saudi who started the made-to-order brand Niyaah a year ago when she moved back to the Middle East after studying fashion abroad.

Instead of a two-layer system in which a uniform outer garment covers Western clothes, Binhejaila and other designers like her are creating alternate looks in a single layer that she calls "complete wear."

"Historically, Islamic clothing for women across the Arabian Peninsula was always rich in design, color and embroidery. But this rich history of Islamic tribal fashion was threatened to become extinct due to the enforcement of the black abaya," the long over-garment and matching head scarf, she said. "I'm attempting to revive that festive spirit by using the richness and appeal of modern fashion within the boundaries permissible by Islamic dress code."

The British designer Sophia Kara made just such a statement in Leicester, England, last year when she showed her line, Imaan Collections. One model wore a hooded abaya with a matching niqab, or face veil, in shocking pink over a salwar, or loose pants, printed with an ornate English floral motif.

Specialty fashion houses and companies starting distinct ranges intended for fashion-conscious women who observe hijab, which means either covering one's head or, more broadly, dressing modestly, is part of a much wider trend. Filling a market gap for products that either comply with Shariah law or that are simply more attractive to Muslim values is a niche that is attracting increasing numbers of manufacturers and retailers. Toys like the Fulla doll, a modest Barbie of sorts, and comic books with Islamic superheroes like "The 99" are as much a part of this sector as the traditional domains of Islamic finance and halal, or permissible, food.

"The hunt for the Islamic dollar at the retail end of the value chain is now starting to heat up. But it has a very long way to go until it is anywhere close to being fully realized," says Abdalhamid Evans, senior analyst at Imarat Consultants, a Malaysian marketing company that specializes in the global halal sector. "You can just about squeeze clothing into the broad concept of the halal market, in that clothing is an offering to the same consumer base as halal consumers - the same people who eat halal food and use Islamic financial services."

Kamarul Aznam, the Malaysian-based managing editor of the bimonthly Halal Journal, tracks everything from halal fashion to pharmaceuticals around the world and knows well the inherent difficulties in trying to quantify this market. "There is no such thing as an official statistic or trade data for the global Muslim fashion industry but there are guesstimates, which we use regularly," he says.

Assuming that 50 percent of the world's 1.6 billion Muslims dress modestly and that, conservatively, they spend $120 a year on such clothing, Aznam estimates that the global market is worth at least $96 billion a year.

"And as for non-Islamic countries such as the U.K. or France, since they have a higher purchasing power parity and clothes have a higher price tag, I would imagine it to be higher, spending up to $600 a year," he said. "Assuming the U.K. alone, which is home to around 1.5 million Muslims, the figure could be in the region of $90 million to $450 million a year."

At that rate, the 16 million Muslims in the European Union could create a clothing market worth $960 million to $4.8 billion a year.

Ausma Khan, chief editor for Muslim Girl, a young women's lifestyle magazine that was started last year in the United States, believes that dedicated brands would have added appeal for many Muslim consumers. "The potential to design for Muslim women and girls and to market to this audience is enormous," Khan said. "Imagine the clothes you see in most contemporary and popular fashion outlets - Muslim girls and women are buying them and then creatively filling in the gaps. But they would absolutely buy the same clothes with higher necklines, longer hemlines, a more voluminous fit and so on," she said.

Even in fashion sportswear and activewear, start-up companies like Hasema from Turkey and Ahiida from Australia have tickled market observers with the advent of functional Islamic swimwear. Aheda Zanetti, Ahiida's founder, trademarked her designs as the "Burqini," playing off the words bikini and burqa to describe her two-piece loose-fitting tracksuit.

"I think the Islamic fashion market is going to explode in the coming years. There are signs of it already," said Gulsen Aydemir, editor of Modest Flair, a U.S.-based Web site that sources style trends and news for its Muslim readers.

"Muslim women's clothing has moved forward in leaps and bounds in only a few years in terms of both comfort and style. The most important change, in my opinion, has been moving away from bland, thick, polyester gowns called jilbabs, which were uncomfortable in hot weather and hard against the skin," she said. "But now, you can find Muslim clothing offered in every possible color and some that is chic and stylish, but still upholding the modest requirements of our faith."

The fact that Western-style runway shows have caught on as fashion weeks have mushroomed across Muslim countries also brings the worlds of designer fashion and Islamic requirements much closer to home. In addition to fashion weeks in Pakistan, the United Arab Emirates, Lebanon, Egypt, Turkey and other relatively liberal-leaning countries, there is change elsewhere too.

Even Iran, where the religious police closed similar events in the past, woke up to the idea last year, staging its first Tehran Fashion Week to promote Islamic dress (and not just sober cloaks like the chador). War-torn Afghanistan also held its first shows last year after the initial retreat of the Taliban regime, where designers like Zolaykha Sherzad and Isabella Ghidoni collaborated to swap the all-enveloping contours of the burqa for less restrictive looks, like the salwar qamiz, or two-piece pantsuit, and embellished robes with head scarves but not necessarily face veils.

While small Islamic fashion shows are cropping up in as varied locations as Leicester, England; Berlin; and Atlanta, the entrepreneur Raja Rezza Shah is poised to take the concept global. As director of the Islamic Fashion Festival, Shah pioneered the event for designers to exhibit collections specifically for the Islamic market. "We started in Kuala Lumpur, then Jakarta, so obviously the aesthetic has strong influences from here but next year we will also be in Dubai and Abu Dhabi," he said. "Eventually we want to make a presence in Europe and America."

Malaysian and Indonesian designers, like Itang Yunas, Herman Nuari and Ida Royani, design only Islamic wear while the others participating in the festival are part of the wider fashion fraternity in those countries where Islamic-wear is just one range of their collections. Not all of the designers showing at the festival are necessarily Muslim themselves but, Shah says, what unites them is taking the Islamic fashion business seriously.

"At Dubai International Fashion Week, we have not targeted any particular sector, but rather seek out all designers who are interested in showcasing their work to a larger audience," said Nayla Yared, spokeswoman for the event, which had its first show this summer. "We have had designers like Suhaila Alyamani and Noora Hefzi who have collections which conform to both traditional values and Islamic tenets. Another young designer, Rabia Z, works exclusively on Islamic fashion."

Besides transforming traditional outer garments like the burqa, jilbab and abaya into more practical, individualistic versions through the use of new textiles, colors, prints and embellishments, other designers are ready to start stretching an Islamic outfit's loose silhouette. Some are even prepared to begin styling separates and accessorizing in unconventional ways.

But just how elastic one's perception of modesty is, however, depends on an individual's interpretation of Muslim doctrine and it is this variation that fuels debate among both designers and consumers in Muslim communities. As a result, the question of covering one's head is still a flash point in countries like Turkey and France today, as is covering one's face with the niqab in Britain and the Netherlands.

'We believe that minimum and basic Islamic dressing begins with the covering of the head. The less skin and shape exposed the better. But we provide a range of design from the minimum to the maximum covering, based on the different levels of understanding and readiness," Shah said. "Our tagline is, 'Discover the beauty of modesty' and not 'Cover up or you'll go to hell.' It's about women experimenting with ways to feel happy about themselves while holding on proudly to their faith."

Aydemir defines it as loose clothing that covers everything except the hands, face and sometimes the feet. "Muslim women want to dress modestly in a way that is still in sync with the styles of the cultures they live in. Those living in non-Muslim countries don't want to hide their Muslim identity and, at the same time, they don't want to completely stick out in a crowd," she said. "It's a tricky niche, but if you know what you're doing, the sky's the limit."

Khan's view of modesty is broader, but she agrees about the local dimension: "In North America, for example, the majority of Muslim women who would self-identify as Muslim, do not wear a head scarf. But you'll certainly never see them in a belly-baring top or a miniskirt either. That's what designers need to understand to really capture the potential of the Muslim market."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Notes:

Copyright © 2008 The International Herald Tribune | www.iht.com

Article of Faith

2008-02-06T11:29:00.000-08:00
Balancing Religious Sensitivity, Fashion Sense
Young Women Follow Islam's Ancient Tenets on Modesty -- but With a Modern Twist

By Sandhya Somashekhar
Washington Post Staff Writer
Monday, August 29, 2005; B01

"Isn't this so cute?" cooed Hiba Khan, admiring a loose-knit vest glimmering with a sequined brown collar at Tysons Corner Center's LVL X clothing store. Sexy, the 21-year-old Fairfax City resident admitted, but that's easily remedied with a long-sleeve top and a properly fastened head scarf.

In the hip young Muslim crowd, modesty is always in.

"I usually try not to buy anything too flashy or too revealing, but yeah, I want to look nice," she said while at the mall one recent afternoon for a little back-to-school shopping.

With summer coming to a close and classes about to start, she and a half-dozen other college students were in search of "sister-friendly" clothes -- attire that conforms to Islamic dictates but appeals to a contemporary sense of style and beauty.

But sticking to Islamic standards of modesty isn't always easy, and it doesn't always come naturally to girls raised in the United States, where MTV and Hollywood are more likely than religious texts to set fashion standards. Choosing to follow Islam's clothing guidelines is often the result of a deep desire for cultural identity or religious soul-searching -- especially for young women such as Khan, who as a teenager decided on her own to adopt the clothing standards of her religion.

That doesn't mean she and other young Muslim women want to put aside a desire to be pretty.

"We want to look beautiful, but we don't have that pressure to be sexy," said Khan's friend Khadija Amjad, 21, of Centreville, dressed in a sleek black-and-purple ensemble that stretched to her ankles. The outfit was topped by a pink-and-purple hijab , or head scarf.

Estimates of the number of Muslims in the United States vary from 3 million to 7 million. About 150,000 live in the Baltimore-Washington area, according to the American Religion Data Archive.

Muslims, men and women, are required by their holy book, the Koran, to be modest in their attire, Islamic scholars said. How the guidelines are interpreted varies by geography and family tradition, from simply avoiding form-fitting or revealing clothes to covering oneself with a head-to-toe burqa .

"The whole thing goes back to the presence of God," said Akbar Ahmed, chair of Islamic Studies at American University. "You need to be in a state of decorum. You must ask yourself: How would God like to see me?"

Rika Prodhan, 22, a recent graduate of George Washington University, never worried too much about her form-fitting outfits and cascading hair when she was growing up in Houston. But as she matured into an observant young Muslim woman, a nagging voice in the back of her head grew louder. She recalls it telling her that the Koran was unambiguous -- the body, including the hair, should be well covered.

While in college, she gradually adjusted her wardrobe to better reflect her religious convictions, eventually purging it of clothes that revealed her ankles or wrists. Finally, after much introspection, she began wearing the hijab, a big step that she knew would forever change the way she was perceived in public.

"I tried to find every reason not to wear it," she said. "But I came to the conclusion it was like listening to your parents. We may not know the wisdom behind it now, but we'll realize it later."

Her parents, she said, actually were troubled by the decision, fearful that she was becoming "too Muslim" and isolating herself from mainstream society.

Today, though, they respect her decision and are glad she wears the hijab, which she said she sees as a sacrifice for God.

These days the hijab has become a flashpoint of controversy over women's rights, religious extremism and terrorism -- a symbol in some eyes of more radical Islam. The French government banned the hijab in schools. But for Khan, Amjad and Prodhan, it's an expression of cultural and religious identity as well as a fashion accessory to be matched with a stylish handbag or jacket.

Modest doesn't have to mean ugly, said Sarah Ansari, co-owner of Artizara.com, a San Diego-based company that sells modest clothing with a modern flare.

Her site features wide-leg pants, tops that go up to the neck and down past the buttocks, and tailored jackets that cinch in a bit -- but not too much -- at the waist. Her best-selling item, she said, is a flowing tie-dye skirt festooned with sequins, a staple offering at any youth-oriented mall clothing store.

"I don't think there's anything in Islam that precludes women from looking attractive or professional," she said. "No one says you have to look like a bag lady. Actually, the Prophet [Muhammad] was known for wearing perfume, being clean and very well dressed."

One Web site, http://www.thehijabshop.com/ , offers a line of stretchable cotton athletic hijabs that are slipped over the head or fastened with Velcro rather than wrapped. Another, http://www.hasema.com/shopen , sells full-body swimsuits for women.

And dozens of sites selling trendy, modest clothes have cropped up in recent years, not only for a Muslim clientele but for orthodox Jews and conservative Christians as well.

Ansari, who is Muslim, said her customers range in age from 13 to 65 and come from a variety of backgrounds.

For Amjad, Khan, Prodhan and their friends, mainstream stores such Banana Republic and H&M offer enough choices. The latter, a Swedish retailer, is especially popular because its up-to-the-minute European styles tend to cover more of the body than standard American offerings, they said.

During their shopping trip, the young women pointed out their favorite styles of the day: peasant skirts, billowy gaucho pants that fall to the ankles and tunic-style tops that end far below the waist. They tend to buy jeans a size bigger than their actual size, fix ankle-baring skirts with a chic pair of boots and pair sleeveless tops with concealing blazers.

They will, however, occasionally buy an outfit that doesn't follow the rules, saving it for "sisters-only" -- or women-only -- events such as like sleepovers or bridal parties.

The hijab adds another accessory to the mix, they said, and has the bonus of covering up a bad hair day, Khan joked.

In all seriousness, she said, the hijab is a garment for the body and the soul.

"It lifts you up as a person," she said. "You're seen more as a person than that girl with her hair flowing around."

© 2005 The Washington Post Company

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Cool Cold Combo

2007-12-11T10:48:00.000-08:00

The other day it was so cold (finally) that I was able to wear my cool hat/scarf combo. It covered all my hair, ears, and neck so I was fully covered. But as my regular readers can guess, I was glad to blend in and not look so foreign. I just looked like someone dressing warm with mismatched funky stylin' layers. It was fun.

Homebody, mind, and soul.

2007-12-05T22:30:00.000-08:00
I've always had days when I feel like staying home, not going out anywhere, I had it in my school days and part-time work days. I'm sure we all have those days. Especially pregnant women and mothers, I'm sure. So anyway, I've been having those days a lot...seems like almost every day! It's not like I'm depressed...it's mostly just this feeling of not wanting to "deal" with things like traffic and other people. And then my mind always goes to the scarf---I think to myself, well, it's the scarf that is holding me back. It makes me too self-conscious. It makes things too complicated. And I think it just goes back to me not wanting any attention, because I don't feel as self-conscious about the scarf when I go out with other people. It's just when I'm alone. But it's still on. Although today was a bit funny. I felt really conscious of seeming like a "foreigner" today. I neglected to wear an underscarf with my slipperly silky scarf and plus I neglected to pin it, thinking it would stay in place if I just tied it under my chin (I had a high neck shirt on). Well, it kept slipping off, so I decided to find a pin and fix it right there in the middle of Wal-Mart. (oh and don't get me started on wal-mart, i'm almost embarassed to say i go there, but i digress...) The smart thing would have been for me to go the fitting room to fix it, but I was impatient and thought I could fix it discreetly next to a mirror in the ladies clothes section. Well, it slipped off entirely and I had to start from scratch with it. So there was my uncovered head in public after at least 6 months of it being covered in public...it felt weird but mainly because I didn't want anyone to notice me. Anyhoo...that's it for now. Here are some more cool hijab fashions:

Photo Ops

2007-11-26T11:09:00.001-08:00
Well, I think I am done saying what I want to say. I will post pictures of stylish hijabi fashions that I find on the internet. Please send any copyright info to me if needed. Thanks!

Too much or Not Enough?

2007-09-24T22:35:00.000-07:00

Scarf Update:

It's still on. It has come to mean several things to me.

1. A symbol that I am Muslim.
2. A rejection of secular society's insidious demands on a woman to trivialize her life into perfect beauty and exhibitionism.
3. A simple religious commandment.
4. A symbol that I want to be seen and treated as pious person among my family and fellow Muslims.

Some days it's 1 and 2. Some days 3. Some days 1-4. Some days just 4. Some days--- not a one--and I just go through the motions.

But it's still worth believing in it.

I think everyone has a religion--a belief system that makes life worth living--or not.There are those of us who have an organized one. And there are others whose religion is...
...politics
...music
...artistic expression
...nationalism
...racism
...love
...beauty
...new york city
...nature
...poetry
...history
...family
...human potential
and
...the study-hard, work-hard, to earn wealth and/or fame religion...
everyone has a belief system that makes life worth living or not.

There's that famous song by the band, R.E.M. called, "Losing My Religion." One interpretation of the song is it was inspired by a waitress who seemed to be glum and just going through the motions of her job. "She's losing her religion," they thought...and they wrote a song about it...

"Life. It's bigger. It's bigger than you. And you are not me. The lengths that I will go to. The distance in your eyes. Oh, no, I've said too much. I haven't said enough."

And there is this poem, a part of which I will end with..."Song of Myself," by Walt Whitman:

Listener up there! what have you to confide to me?
Look in my face while I snuff the sidle of evening,
(Talk honestly, no one else hears you, and I stay only a minute
longer.)

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)

I concentrate toward them that are nigh, I wait on the door-slab.

Who has done his day's work? who will soonest be through with his
supper?
Who wishes to walk with me?

Will you speak before I am gone? will you prove already too late?

In Over My Head

2007-08-18T19:39:00.001-07:00
AM I IN OVER MY HEAD(SCARF)?

Lately, my husband and I have been watching our two children run around in a grassy area with little hills and trees and neighbors walking their dogs. I've been wearing a long flowing skirt, basic black shoes, a long-sleeve cotton shirt, and a two-piece al-amira style headscarf (also kind of flowy). As I stand there on that hill or march on the grass (avoiding the mud and dog poo), I feel like I am straight out of that photo from "Little house on the Prairie." I don't like it. I want to be more sophisticated like the cool-fab second photo above. But I know, it's really not important, and I should get over myself.

But it's like that time I had a government job after college. I was in a serious and responsible position. I wore conservative clothes, of course. But I felt I needed that extra something...So I bought and wore a silver-beaded choker-necklace that helped me keep my...you know...rock star edge.

I don't want to look matronly. I want to look hip. And so...

I get this uneasy feeling inside.

Why? Maybe because I'm still not a cheerleader for this headscarf, because I still think twice before going out on my own because I still feel self-conscious, because I'm still very vain, and because I still need to be a better Muslim (need to establish regular prayers, study Islam more, etc).

and...

I still don't consider the headscarf/hijab as a way to conquer all vanity.
I still don't think the hijab is a gaurantee against people judging me for something other than my mind.

still...

I am 100 % sure the Holy Quran mentions a modest code of behavior and dress women.
I am 100 % sure that all Shia and (majority Sunni) Islamic scholars specify the use of headscarf to cover hair, ears, and neck for women.

but...

My main ignorance is in the study of hadith (the narratives of the Prophet, his family, and his companions)...so I am only 75 % sure of the use of a headscarf for women as specified in hadith. So, with a measured amount of doubt I will say that it is an obligation in Islam to dress with hijab of headscarf and body covered.

...But I am not "in love" with hijab, nor do I feel a strong passion for wearing it as many other Muslim women do. I think that the headscarf HAS become a symbol for Islam in many ways. And that symbolism is complex. For example, if I had been a student studying at university in Turkey when they banned the headscarf in public institutions, I would have removed the headscarf and continued my education. I cringe at the thought of those who will say I value education over religion because of that example...

Nevertheless, here I am...

and...

Basically, if the message I send while wearing hijab is...I am a Muslim, a member of the religion of Islam, which advocates the dignity, integrity, and protection of woman...and I want to be pious in a world that isn't... then I'm glad.

And that's all I can say. For now.

I dare say? a Q & A!

2007-08-16T22:34:00.000-07:00
Here is another viewpoint on the hijab that I think not only is expressed well by its author, Sara Padidar , but is also shared by many other women and men, Muslim and non-Muslim alike. The following is taken from an online discussion group with Ms. Padidar's reply following the discussion question:

QUESTION: I thought this would be a good discussion to start because once again I see to many pics [on facebook.com] that people think are hijabi pics but do not qualify. What I thought is the whole body with the exception of the face and the palms. So the neck needs to be covered right?

Here is Sara's reply after others responded to the original question with opinions that stated only the face & palms were allowed to be seen, no make-up allowed, and no jewelry permitted as part of "hijab" :

Ok at the risk of causing a furor I am going to ask anyway (plus this is a discussion board):

I'm a little confused - surely the very quote that is on the front page of this group says exactly what needs to be covered -

"...And say to the believing women that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts and do not display their ornaments except what appears thereof, and let them wear their head-coverings over their bosoms, and not display their ornaments..."

Surah Noor, verses 30-31

In short it has always utterly baffled me why people cover their head when the Prophet asked women to cover the ornaments of their bodies and to wear their head coverings over their bosoms - He did not say cover your head; but stated to wear the head covering instead of over the head wear it over the bosom.

When the Prophet was on this earth, He came to a people who did not wear clothes (esp women), women were traded (naked) and worth less than animals, women were a commodity and a possession. The Prophet was the FIRST Teacher from God to raise the status of women equal to men, and emancipate them. He was the FIRST Teacher from God to limit the number of wives a man could have. From my understanding of the Qu'ran, He did not ask they to be covered in such a manner to only show their faces and palms or any other ultra conservative interpretation that is now commonly subscribed to.

'except what appears thereof' means hair, face, neck, arms, legs, hands, feet. If is perfectly possible to dress conservatively whilst displaying all of the above.

'guard their private parts and do not display their ornaments' means just that your sexual organs including the breasts. Some may argue the midriff - and I would be inclined to agree, the navel of a woman is superbly sexual.

I dare say no one will agree with my comments by virtue of the name of this group [Hijab is for facebook too!]- but it would be nice if someone could logically explain to me why a conservative hijab is what is dictated in the Qu'ran.

I admire Sara's risk taking on a discussion board that obviously exists to discredit the term "hijab" by pointing out all the so-called flaws and mistakes Muslim women have in their dress. And I admire the way she asks the question and makes her point without intending to cause offense, but sincerely wanting an answer to a reasonable question.

I responded to her question, and we had a complex exchange of opinions, but here is my reply to her initial question:

...to answer ur question quickly, other than cultural custom, i think many hijabi women wear it because they follow the teachings of a scholar who is there to interpret the Quran in a way that the common person can not...so they wish to follow islam as accurately as possible, and often a scholar is better at making interpretations of certain verses in the Quran.

http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2577120825&topic=2862

Let Loose

2007-08-14T23:37:00.000-07:00

NOTE TO NEW READERS: this is the most recent post. please start from the first post to understand my progress up to now. scroll down to the archives ... thank you!

unencumbered

adjective
1. free of encumbrance; "inherited an unencumbered estate" [ant: encumbered]
2. not burdened with cares or responsibilities; "living an unencumbered life"

WordNet® 3.0, © 2006 by Princeton University.

I've had a few days recently where I just wanted to let loose... just go out with a t-shirt and summery pants and my hair up in a pony tail...just wanted to ... feel unencumbered.... maybe it's the humidity...the heat...i just want it to be winter. winter is so cool, literally and figuratively. ahhhhh!

Well-Said!

2007-08-09T23:10:00.000-07:00
This is an article on the topic of hijab that I found online. The author was gracious enough to allow me to post it here on my blog. I really enjoyed it and think it was very well done--well said!

from: http://www.hudakazi.com/2005/may/the.women.who.cover.html

The women who cover and the women who criticize them
On the one hand, hijabi women are dowdy and primitive, too feeble-minded to realize they're being oppressed by their misogynistic cultures. They never had a chance! To see what they could be! Oh, if only some cowboy could ride in on his F-14 fighter jet and give them some freedom.

On the other hand, hijabi women are a disgrace to the religion. Did you see what she was wearing? Why you could almost make out the faint shape of her leg if you focused so hard on her pants that you came dangerously close to passing out.

Back on the first hand, those hijabis need education and exposure to the western world. Even the ones who already live in the western world. Obviously if they think they're putting that scarf on their head voluntarily, they haven't been properly enlightened. After all, this is the twenty-first century. We've long since left such archaic traditions behind; now women can wear what they want!

But on that second hand (can't forget the second hand, by far the more irritating of the two), hijabi women, they're so hypocritical. Can't you see that wisp of hair peeking out from underneath the scarf? And her shirt is so short! Not as short as mine, but still, it only goes halfway past her butt. Can you believe it?

Yes, yes I can. And I have a message for all of you, so listen up, because I'm only going to say this once.

STOP JUDGING US.

Those of you who aren't Muslim and don't understand why we do it: We would love to sit down and explain it to you, or not, as you choose. But we don't judge your taste in clothing (or lack thereof) or your religious beliefs (ditto), and we'd really appreciate it if you didn't judge ours. We don't need your women's lib organizations staging an intervention on our behalf. We're fine. Really.

Those of you who are Muslim and wear hijab yourselves: You should know better.

And those of you who are Muslim and don't wear hijab yourselves: Exactly where is that leg you're standing on? If a hijabi woman bent down to pick something up instead of squatting (and the squatting rule applies to all women, thanks), I don't want to hear your horrified shock as you stand there talking to me in your short lacy sleeves and exposed head. Until you've gone through it, through the comments, and the staring, and the coveting of something beautiful you can never wear because it cuts just a little low or a tad too tight, I don't want to hear it. When you've made the effort yourself, I might care what you think about another woman's hijab... but I don't really think so because that's between her and God.

Sometimes a hijabi can use some guidance. We welcome that. It's like when I was sixteen years old, facing my high school graduation, and wanting desperately to fit in when I walked across that stage. I wanted to find some way around the hijab, some other way to cover my head, possibly by tucking my hair into the hat. (I tried it, but my head is so abnormally huge I had to get an extra large hat, and even then there was no room for the hair.) My mother said I could do whatever I wanted — wear it, not wear it — but that I should remember it was the decisions I made in times like this that really mattered. I wore it. The other hijabi who graduated didn't. All that meant was that I had the direction I needed; perhaps she didn't, but what she certainly didn't need was the resulting chatter throughtout the entire religious community. Guidance is not the same thing as judgement. Or criticism. Or gossip.

You non-hijabi Muslims understand why we cover, you don't do it, yet you're completely nonplussed about excoriating a hijabi's attire, even one unknown to you. Hello, pot. Meet the kettle.

And finally, to those of you, Muslim and non-Muslim, hijabi and non-hijabi, who stand beside us and support us every day, who fight for our right to wear what we want where we want, who understand when we slip up, and who see the person before the hijab: Thank you so much. You have no idea the strength you give us.

Fashion and Faith

2007-08-04T22:02:00.001-07:00

NOTE TO NEW READERS: This is the most recent post. For this blog to make the most sense, it's best to begin reading at the first post. For older posts, please scroll down and go to the archives. Thanks.
----

Yes, indeed that is celebrity, Jennifer Lopez, known for her flaunting of her sexuality--yet in this picture...looking strangely like a "fashionista" of Muslim hijab! And I've seen some early haute couture fashion which had a woman all covered up, including a dark hood over her head, ears, and neck--it looked very sophisticated. Interesting. It makes me wonder...could popular fashion ever include the use of a headscarf? Well, just look at the other photographs of fully covered women in Islamic fashions!

I reluctantly admit, since starting the hijab, I've become more interested in looking stylish, fashionable, "with-it." I suppose it is because I have a more limited selection and also because I have a greater self-consciousness about my "image" as not only a Muslim, but also a mother of 2 kids in a suddenly 30 year old figure!

Still, the question is: Is mixing faith and fashion a slippery slope?

Here is an interesting clip from NBC's The Today Show, aired July 15th, 2007. It showcases the young Muslim female's desire to fit fashion into her faith.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-iE0_rwvJAU&mode=related&search=

There is also a great support system in the social networking website, http://www.facebook.com for Muslim women who wear hijab. It offers many discussion groups which cover all of the topics associated with Muslim hijab, including one group called "Hijabi Fashionistas," whose members submit photos of their various styles of Islamic dress. It's not exactly "Muslim Vogue," but it has that touch of elegance, taste, and style.

And I find it amazing that this information and support is out there. It would have been a great comfort for me when I was in high school. But it seems that the generation under me is the one that is embracing and promoting the hijab with style and confidence! Some conservative Muslims would caution against these materialistic fashion trends--headcoverings or not! Hmm... Am I a conservative Muslim? Do labels really define the diversity?

Well, I'm still looking...and wanting to go shopping!

Deal Breakers

2007-08-04T19:42:00.000-07:00
I mentioned in a previous post, "Fear of Commitment," that I had just that, a fear of committing to the headscarf. I would say that I am committed at this point. Still, I do want to let it be known that there are a few cicumstances that might cause me to re-consider the headscarf. These include:

1) GOD FORBID, another terrorist attack on America in the name of Islam and Muslims.
2) Pysical, verbal, mental, or emotional harassment.
3) Excessive anxiety
4) A work or volunteer position that would create #2 or #3.

I pray that I will never have to deal with such things again as I did before. And I'm so grateful that up to now, the results have been a positive and loving experience. Alhamdulillah (All praise belongs to God).

Thank YOU!

6,602,224,175

2007-07-29T13:49:00.000-07:00

The world population is 6,602,224,175 (July 2007 est.). As I stated in a previous post (Common Ground...) there are billions of people in the world. WOW. And though I share common ground with many of them, I am also different from many of them. Obviously, I know.
And...
I watch the local news.
I watch the national news.
Heck, I even watch BBC news.
I know a bit about what's happening to the people of the world.
All the seemingly endless suffering is incomprehensible.
I know that this "hijab blog" is just a speck of dust in the entire universe of things that matter. So that's why I feel silly for updating this blog when I do, as if this topic isn't settled yet. I hear a voice (or voices) saying, "Ok. Wear your headscarf. Cover up your body. Just stop yapping about it! There's a world with problems out there--Think about them!"

So, okay. I know. Just wanted you to know.

:-)

At Face Value

2007-07-28T23:14:00.001-07:00

I'd like to give a brief opinion on the practice of wearing Niqab or Burqah in Islam.
Niqab is the veil that covers a Muslim woman's face, usually leaving only her forehead and eyes visible. Burqah is an even more conservative type of veil, which has only a grid-like gauze for visibility.

I personally do not like this form of Islamic dress, the covering of the face. It is not an obligation in Islam, and I think it does more harm than good, especially in the West because it creates an image of Islam that is inaccurate and downright confusing to both non-Muslims and Muslims alike. Indeed, if I were to see a woman in Niqab, I would feel uncomfortable and shy away from her--this is despite the fact that I know at least two down-to-earth, funny, educated, Muslim women who have worn the Niqab in the USA of their own choice, and happily so. They want to do it. They think it will bring them protection in this life and a reward in the next. Still, I simply can not agree with them.

I mentioned in a very early post that I do not think that the purpose of external hijab is to A.) HIDE BEAUTY. I think that is impossible. I think it is to B.) PROTECT MODESTY / DEMONSTRATE PIETY & DIGNITY. To me, those are two very different concepts. Take a look at the third photo above of the woman who is showing only her eyes and hand---She is gorgeous, MashaaAllah (by God's Grace) and even the Niqab can not HIDE that. Yes, if you wear the more conservative Burqah, with just the gauze strip to see, you can hide your entire identity. But how does this fit in with Islam? And the face is the main source of human communication: emotion, age, gender, intention, etc...all come from the face.

If women choose to wear it, they probably do so based on their own conservative values and issues and statements and causes and culture and environment, not the Law of Islam. If they believe it is required, then they follow an interpretation of Islam that the vast majority of Muslim and Islamic scholars reject. If they are forced to wear it, then I completely understand their rebellion against it, if given a choice.

Here are some excerpts from articles and the links to their entire text:

"Niqab is different from hijab. Hijab refers to covering everything except the hands and face. Niqab is the term used to refer to the piece of cloth which covers the face and women who wear it usually cover their hands also...proponents of the niqab use this Qur'anic verse for evidence for the niqab.

...And when ye ask (the Prophet's wives) for anything ye want, ask them from before a screen: that makes for greater purity for your hearts and for theirs.
Qur'an 33:53
The wives of the Prophet were indeed required to wear the niqab by this Qur'anic verse. This is because the special status they had meant they had to be kept clear from all gossip and slander. Scholars say that if the wives of the Prophet, as the best of feminine examples, were required to wear niqab, then the ruling falls on all women.

However, earlier on in the same chapter, the Qur'an also very clearly states that the Prophet's wives were not similar to other women.

O Wives of the Prophet! You are not like any of the other women.
33:32
Most scholars are in agreement that the verse about the screen, or concealing of the face, is only obligatory on the wives of the Prophet. They say the verses are a clear indication that the wives of the Prophet are much more restricted in their movement due to their political position, and that their code of conduct does not constitute a code of conduct for women in general."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/islam/beliefs/niqab_2.shtml

"In my experience, whereas a growing number of westerners are coming to accept and even respect the simple hijab (headscarf/hair-covering) as a symbol of modesty and good character in Muslim women, almost universally westerners find niqaab (the face veil) and the head to toe black garb that usually accompanies it sinister, frightening and repulsive. It makes them recoil from Islam.

As a western convert to Islam, I see first hand only too well among my family, western colleagues and old circle of friends the extreme harm face veiling does to the image of Islam and to the efforts to spread Islam in the west. The tragedy is that this phenomenon is so unrepresentative of Islam. The vast majority of Muslims do not consider this form of attire compulsory. Most contend that face veiling was, in fact, exclusively the preserve of the wives of Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) who, we are told in the Quran 33:33, "are not like other women" in order to give them privacy and protection in Madinah where they lived at the main mosque, not in private compounds."
http://www.islamfortoday.com/niqaab.htm

Feel free to comment please.

The Wrong Impression

2007-07-27T10:01:00.000-07:00
At yet another wedding, I met a couple of friends (that do not wear the headscarf) that I had not seen in many months. One of my mom's friends saw me and said with surprise, "You're wearing hijab!" I smiled but was flooded with a sudden self-consciousness and blurted out, "My husband made me do it." Then we all had a big laugh. Hahaha. Then I think there was some mention of hijab being a good thing, and how I have a good husband.

Later...I came home and was thinking, "Why oh why in the world did I say that?"

First of all, it's so not true. My husband just encouraged me and said I would not regret it if I tried wearing the headscarf--and he was right. But he did not force me or "make me" do it at all. And secondly, 'why oh why oh why' did I--someone who is supposed to be somewhat intelligent in her awareness of stereotypes and prejudice and who is adamantly against perpetuating such falsehoods--especially the one that women who wear the hijab/headscarf are submissive to and oppressed by their husbands blurt out such a silly comment? What was I thinking? And what was I not thinking?!

So...
I think the reasons were, as I've mentioned in a previous post (re: I'm Nobody)...
1) some kind of resistance to wanting to seem self-righteous or 'better' than those who do not cover up. So I "blamed" it on my husband, something that in itself works for me with other Muslim people because then they get the (very true) impression that my husband is a religious man. And I think I want the world to know how devout he is, especially the Muslim world of my little community, because my husband is a convert/revert to Islam, and both my family and I want the community to know that yes, my husband is a true follower of Islam, which somehow validates my controversial, rare, and curious marriage to an American.
2) Part of it was my insecurity about choosing an "old-fashioned" (stereotype) and "unfashionable" (stereotype) way of dress and lifestyle amid a crowd of the glitz and glamour and pain-staking beauty that surrounded me. I think I felt plain and out-of-the-fashion-loop when I walked into the sea of lovely fabrics and glittering stones and iron-pressed, lovely hair.

Still, I regret saying what I did. And will try not to do that anymore. Because even though those people were Muslim, and even though they left with the good impression of my pious husband, somewhere in their minds is the idea that I, a Muslim woman, was forced to cover her hair by her husband--something that might possibly be a reason they do not want to cover up in hijab, as it was a reason for me--that association with being oppressed or dictated too. I regret saying it, even if it was a joke.

My husband didn't make me. He helped me. And I thank him for that. And I'm still surprised at how such a simple scarf can be attached to such complicated feelings.

Common Ground--Various (Non-Muslim) Religious Views on Modesty

2007-07-23T22:54:00.000-07:00
I was intrigued by a religious, conservative, Pentecostal American family shown on a TV program. It was mentioned that the females followed a dress code, which really interested me. They described their modesty as dressing with feminity, meaning no pants and displaying long hair. This seemed different than the Islamic dress code, I thought to myself, since Muslim women are taught to cover their hair, not grow it long for all to see. And I think Muslim women can wear pants, although, some would disagree, still, the pants-vs-skirts issue is not so clear-cut in Islamic dress. It reminded me how the definition of modesty can vary not only from person to person, but from religion to religion. Still, I admired that family very much for their dedication to their religous values. I felt a common ground with them. I did a quick internet search on the internet and found:

1. "Our church teaches us the value of modest, appropriate dress. Men should dress like men and women must dress like women! The girls and I do not wear makeup, jewelry or nail polish. Pants are for men, so the girls and I only wear skirts to the knee and dresses. We wear our hair long and uncut because it represents modesty and shows our respect for both God and for Steve [the husband]. The rest of the world might call this strict or old-fashioned. To us, it is our way of life…Women should dress modestly! Girls must wear full length skirts and never pants. Shirts must cover the shoulder and not reveal their neckline. We never cut our hair because we believe that long hair for women shows respect for our husband and God." http://abc.go.com/primetime/wifeswap/episode/314/manual_hoover.html

2. "I cut my hair ! Big deal, it really is. In plain churches the Bible means what it says. Simple as that. And long hair is said to be a womans glory in 1 Cor.11:15. So in the world I walk in I just cut off my glory. It will grow and so its not the end of the world for me, but now my fickle mindedness will be remembered every time I look in the mirror. For those not walking in this "plain" world, this stuff must seem to silly and so strict. And there are things that when your heart is not right, and spoken about in a bad tone, seems so old fashioned and so old world. Dark ages type behavior, but it isn't...I am part of the United Pentecostal Church, so I also believe that your hair is your glory. I am 27 years old and have never cut my hair in my life. Believe it or not, I have never been tempted, but I know that others struggle with this."
http://morningramble.blogspot.com/2006/03/plain-life.html

3. "I live near the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament and Our Lady of the Angels Monastery in Hanceville, Alabama. The Shrine is rightly strict about modesty in dress. But I see an unhealthy number even of elderly women who visit here wearing blue jeans and tennis shoes. As a young person I was exposed to this all my life. I thought nothing of it until I started reading books on femininity and masculinity and experienced what a good Catholic family should be. I married into such a Catholic family.
Not only women but children are dressing immodestly today, both in public and often at Mass where our Lord is present in the Holy Eucharist. It is difficult for a young man to stay focused and pure even at Mass when a young woman walks into church wearing immodest clothing. They have lost the sense of modesty. Both young and older parents need to monitor at all times what their children wear. Men and boys should also dress modestly when attending Mass. Sundays should reveal our best dress of the week. Dressing modestly and well for Mass reflects our faith that Jesus is present in the Eucharist and that He perpetuates His Sacrifice of the Cross.
If the President of the United States was coming to town and speaking at a convention dinner, to which you were invited, would you wear shorts, a T-shirt or a mini-skirt? I don't think so. Yet, in the house of God many ignore His Real Presence by the way they dress. Why do people act this way? It is because faith in the Real Presence of Jesus and the perpetuation of His Sacrifice of the Cross at every Holy Mass has been lost, or has been seriously weakened. G.K. Chesterton would say to this: "What's wrong with the world!"
http://www.fatimafamily.org/articles/husbandwife.html

4. "The 23-year-old author first heard of "modestyniks"--Orthodox Jewish women who withhold physical contact from men until marriage--while a freshman at Williams College. She was initially fascinated by the way in which they cleave to old ideals, especially amid a sexually saturated contemporary world. But more so, Wendy Shalit was aghast at how modestyniks are dismissed as sick, delusional, or repressed by the secular community. "Why," asks the author, "is sexual modesty so threatening to some that they can only respond to it with charges of abuse or delusion?"
In her thoughtful three-part essay, the author reveals an impressive reading list as she probes the cultural history of sexual modesty for women and considers whether this virtue may be beneficial in today's world--if not an antidote to misogyny. In an age when women are embarrassed by sexual inexperience, when sex education is introduced as early as primary school, and when women suffer more than ever from eating disorders, stalking, sexual harassment, and date rape, Shalit believes a return to modesty may place women on equal footing with men. She yearns for a time when conservatives can believe the claims of feminists and feminists can differentiate between patriarchy and misogyny and share in the dialectic of female sexuality."
http://www.amazon.com/RETURN-MODESTY-Discovering-Lost-Virtue/dp/0684863170

5. "Nancy Leigh DeMoss challenges Christians to ask themselves tough questions: Who decides what I will wear, and why? What message does my clothing communicate? And, how can I reflect the glory of God in my wardrobe?
Biblical, practical and motivating, "The Look" challenges women (young or older), parents, and teens to discover the Truth about clothing and modesty, and to make choices based on God's eternal perspective."
http://www.amazon.com/Look-Does-Really-Care-What/dp/0940110431/ref=pd_sim_b_1/105-9172474-6518015

6. "HOW SHOULD I DRESS?
In a vast majority of Christian churches - Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox - common sense prevails. Something a little nicer than jeans and sneakers is the norm, and a nice suit for men or dress for women is quite tasteful, but even something a little more casual is perfectly fine. Some churches are intentional about "come as you are" worship, jeans, sneakers and all; some affluent congregations "dress to the nines." But otherwise, assume anything from casual dress to a suit or skirt is acceptable.
Having said that, however, there are some kinds of churches with a more stringent "dress code":
Men - In Conservative and Orthodox Jewish congregations, men are expected to wear a yarmulke (skullcap) and prayer shawl. These are often available for use in the synagogue itself.
- In United Pentecostal Churches, men are expected to wear long sleeves, and no jewelry - not even a wedding ring.
Women - In some very tradititional Catholic and Orthodox churches (these are few, outside the mainstream of their own tradition), women are expected to wear dresses with skirts below the knees; heads are to be veiled (hats can be worn instead; veils are sometimes available for use in the narthex, or entryway, of the church); shoulders are not to be bare. In Mormon churches, women are expected to wear very conservative dresses with ankle-length skirts.
Again, these stricter guidelines are exceptions. In the vast majority of Christian churches, common sense is the prevailing guideline. It is best not to look slovenly, and one should avoid clothing with offensive or suggestive messages; beyond that, don't sweat the dress code."
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/51787/church_etiquette_and_dress_code.html

7. "The BYU Honor Code
Dress and Grooming Standards
The dress and grooming of both men and women should always be modest, neat, and clean consistent with the dignity adherent to representing The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and any of its institutions of higher learning.
Modesty and cleanliness are important values that reflect personal dignity and integrity, through which students, staff, and faculty represent the principles and standards of the Church. Members of the BYU community commit themselves to observe the standards, which reflect the direction given by the Board of Trustees and the Church publication For the Strength of Youth. The BYU Dress and Grooming Standards are as follows:
Men
A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, revealing, or form fitting. Shorts must be knee length or longer. Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extreme styles or colors, and trimmed above the collar leaving the ear uncovered. Sideburns should not extend below the earlobe or onto the cheek. If worn, moustaches should be neatly trimmed and may not extend beyond or below the corners of the mouth. Men are expected to be clean shaven; beards are not acceptable. Earrings and other body piercing are not acceptable. Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas.
Women
A clean and well-cared-for appearance should be maintained. Clothing is inappropriate when it is sleeveless, strapless, backless, or revealing; has slits above the knee; or is form fitting. Dresses, skirts, and shorts must be knee length or longer. Hairstyles should be clean and neat, avoiding extremes in styles and colors. Excessive ear piercing (more than two per ear) and all other body piercing are not acceptable. Shoes should be worn in all public campus areas.

by W. John Walsh
What is immodest attire? Immodest attire is that state of dress (or undress) which flaunts a person's body and sexuality. There are four questions one can ask to determine if a particular outfit is immodest:
(1) Does the outfit create greater interest in the wearer by potential sexual partners? Most of us know that girls in two piece swimming suits (i.e., "bikinis") are more interesting to men than girls wearing modest suits. (See footnote 1) If more potential sexual partners pay attention to you because of your dress or undress, then you know you are being immodest. No one except a spouse has the right to arouse sexual feelings in someone.
(2) Does the outfit make members of the same sex more conscious of their physical inadequacies? If your dress causes feelings of inadequacy in others, then you know you are being immodest. It is not Christian conduct to make other people feel bad because they were not blessed with your physical bounties.
(3) Why are you wearing or buying the outfit? In reality, most of us know what is immodest attire. When we choose a two piece swimming suit over a modest one piece, we know why we are doing it. We want attention and appreciation for our body.
(4) Would the outfit cover temple garments, if you wore them? One of the purposes of the temple garment is to protect our modesty. If your outfit would not cover a temple garment, it is by definition immodest. Sometimes, it may be appropriate to wear such an outfit in special circumstances. On the other hand, wearing the exact same outfit outside of those special circumstances would be imodest. For example, it may be acceptable to wear a modest swim suit to swim, even though the swim suit would not cover temple garments. But it would be immodest to wear your swimming suit to go shopping at the mall or to a party.
Notes:
(1) It should be noted that two piece swimming suits (i.e., "bikinis") are not allowed in the swimming areas of Church-sponsored colleges like Brigham Young University and Ricks College."
http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/modesty.htm

8. "Much is added to Redekop's analysis throughout the valuable essay by Marlene Epp, "Nonconformity and Nonresistance: What Did it Mean to Mennonite Women," in Changing Roles. Epp notes that women carried much of the burden of Mennonite separateness and nonconformity. She points out that the Mennonite doctrine of non-resistance affected women very differently than men. Mennonite women were not conscripted into alternate service during the Second World War; they were left on the farms and in the villages, where they often had the sole responsibility for their families. They were compelled to enter the work force. The war began a process that encouraged Mennonite women to break down the traditional barriers of separation and become more fully integrated into Canadian society. The most often cited symbol of this acculturation was the increasing use of English in the Mennonite community. An equally visible symbol for women, according to Epp, was the decline of Mennonite women's symbolic dress. Women were required to wear a bonnet and plain dress. The bonnet, in particular, was a symbol of separation from the dominant culture. No such dress code was imposed on men. Resistance to traditional dress began in the 1950s. By the 1960s traditional dress was in decline. Epp links this rebellion from traditional Mennonite culture to the "gradual secularization," or acculturation, of Mennonite society after the war." http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3683/is_200010/ai_n8919848/pg_8

9. "Other scholars in this section examine women's resistance to patriarchy and the impact of shifting gender roles on Anabaptist communities. Taking restrictive dress codes as their focus (as many of the contributors do), these authors note that dress codes frequently serve as a source of conflict. Steven Reschly argues that anxiety about the "flood tide of American individualism" in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries led male community leaders to tighten dress codes and familial roles for women, establishing what he calls "preservationist patriarchy." Kimberly Schmidt's study of a conservative Mennonite community in the 1930s and 1980s reveals how social anxiety over the Great Depression and Reagan-era farm crises challenged the community. While the economic hardship pushed Mennonite women into the public workforce, the move often led to an abandonment of the traditional cape dress and prayer covering. Women who worked "off-farm" found themselves at the center of a struggle between economic necessity and religious tradition and were often scapegoated as troublemakers. Both essays emphasize how communities invest their cultural identity and security in the plain dress of women." http://raven.bethelks.edu/mennonitelife/2002sept/reviews.php

So there you have a brief look into the religous views on dress from a few Non-Muslim individuals and groups. I'd welcome any comments from members of such religions.

And again, although our definitions and applications of modesty of dress differ for various reasons, I admire those groups that advocate modesty of dress, and I wish we could all see the common ground we stand on, instead of viewing each other as strange and alien and misguided. It's a big world full of billions of people. WOW.

Buckle Up, It's the Law

2007-07-18T23:48:00.000-07:00
My husband and I were at a beach resort last year for his business trip. I walked around in jeans, sandals, and a long-sleeve white dress shirt (at the time, no headscarf). Still, I was self-conscious of the fact that most everyone else at the resort was in full summert-time-on-the-beach gear (e.g. shorts, tanks, bathing suits). But whenever me and my husband (who was also in jeans and dress shirt) spotted someone else with pants on, especially on the beach itself--we remarked: "Look, they're wearing pants too!" And it made me feel better. I am assuming that none of those people were Muslim, and I can not know if they were religious. All I know is that they chose to wear pants when they could have worn shorts like everyone else on the beach. For some reason, they were more modest than others.

Now, here are other examples of non-religious folks practicing modesty of dress:
1) A woman who loses a lot of weight but is still insecure about her body, so she covers up and dresses down by wearing loose, long, plain clothes.
2) A woman is against consumerism and the exploitation of women in society, so she covers up and dresses down by wearing loose, long, plain clothes.
3) A woman works in a male-dominated profession, so she chooses to wear conservative clothing to reduce any sexual discrimination or harrassment.

Ok, so...now the question is...

Do you need a religion or God to dress modestly, i.e. to have values that dictate your choices in life? From the above examples, the answer is NO. I once heard an atheist say "Just because I don't believe in God doesn't mean I don't have any morals." I'm sure a lot of people feel that way. They don't need a religion, a god, or a set of rules to be "good, decent, moralistic, polite, law-abiding citizens." They believe human nature is pure/good and does not need an organized religion to dictate and monitor and supervise their choices in life--including dress. They don't need a book of God's Laws to tell them how to make good choices and practice good behavior--because being good is its own reward.

...But laws and codes are meant to keep the bad seed from ruining it for everyone, aren't they? For the flawed ones...and aren't we all a bit flawed? Easily tempted? Easily distracted and curious?

What if there were no speeding laws? Some of us would drive slowly because we are "naturally" cautious, still most of us would get caught up in the power, freedom, thrill, independence, and the impatience to get where we want to go--or just go faster than the next guy--so we would go without care--without a seatbelt...And eventually hurt ourselves and others as we zip along and eventually meet disaster.

So yes, there are A LOT of people without a religion who practice excellent and productive human behavior. And I respect them for that.

Then there are those people who need a structured or organized religion to keep themselves "in check," because perhaps they're not so excellent or productive or decent in their "natural" state. And I respect their struggle.

I think all that is good comes from God. God is Good. And religion allows us to understand why and how that is.

So who decides what is "Good"? Is it just common sense? What is common sense?

**Common Sense
–noun sound practical judgment that is independent of specialized knowledge, training, or the like; normal native intelligence.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Origin: 1525–35; trans. of L sénsus commūnis, itself trans. of Gk koin aísthésis]**

I think most of us would agree, it's "common sense" to follow the rules that most religions and civilizations follow (No killing, No prostituting, No stealing, No cheating, etc). But how does common sense turn into that "specialized knowledge or training"? I think it comes from understanding God. And religion can help you gain the knowledge and training to begin to attempt to do that. Of course, I personally believe that Islam, and Shia Islam specifically, is the best way.

What do you believe? How do you decide what is good? What is common sense?

I know a Muslim woman who wears a headscarf. A stranger approached her in a public mall and after some trivial dispute on proper play-area behavior for children, the stranger pointed at the Muslim woman's headscarf and said,
"You have no common sense."

I would ask that stranger woman why wearing a headscarf is against common sense. I would love to know what makes her believe that, and what makes her believe it was necessary to tell the Muslim woman that. The stranger woman claimed she was not being prejudice. I would love to know what makes her believe that, indeed.

I look in the mirror and say:
Be Good.
Know that all Good comes from God.
Keep learning.

I'm Nobody

2007-07-07T10:31:00.000-07:00
At one of the wedding festivities I recently attended, a female Muslim friend of mine who had not seen me in a long time (and does not wear a headscarf) asked me when I had started wearing the scarf. I was surprised that she asked because I forget that it wasn't long ago that I did not wear it. Anyway, I said, "About two months." And then I went on to tell her how religous my husband is and how he encouraged me to wear it, and how some other girls in the community wear it so that encouraged me as well, and how my husband is getting more involved in our local Muslim community, so I figured it was a good time to start wearing the scarf. As she answered me with phrases like, "Oh, yeah, we try to be more involved too, my husband..." I became aware that I might come across as "bragging" about my religiousness, or making her feel self-conscious---afterall, her hair was styled--no scarf. And I was surrounded by other Muslim-borm females in beautiful, flowing, curly, straight, colored, long, and short hair...in eye catching form figuring clothes. So I tried to regroup and say, "but it is very difficult...". And when she finally graciously ended the conversation by saying, "yea, it's a good thing," I felt aware that I need to be careful as to not come across as "holier than thou," because I am far far far from perfectly religious. This headscarf is sending a message, yet the message is received differently by each receiver.

Hmm...

Now that I wear the headscarf and now that I've attended a few parties where born-Muslims ladies are all dressed-up and have began to notice their attire in contrast to my new wardrobe, I sometimes feel embarassed for my old pre-headscarf self. And even though I have always been lazy about all that girly stuff (hair styles, make-up types, clothing trends, manicures, etc.)...I was still totally oblivious to the comformity of dressing-up for parties--totally wanting to look young and perky and beautiful (tight clothes usually did the trick). So now when I see those dolled-up girls...I see them as being foolish. So then I feel relieved and proud that I'm no longer a part of that "flaunt it" group. But then it does not add up...why should I feel proud? Afterall, I still desire to look pretty and put-together through my clothing...I still wear make-up to beautify my face...I am still them...I am still me...I am still vain.

"Pride defeats its own end, by bringing the man who seeks esteem and reverence into contempt."
Henry Bolingbroke

There were a few Muslim ladies at the wedding parties wearing headscaves and long, loose, plain-colored abayas/jackets/jilbabs....one lady wearing all black...and none of them wearing make-up. It's not like they were completely drab. Their fabrics might have been expensive, the jackets tailored well, the headscarf perfectly matching the rest of the outfit.

Hmm...

So I think there is something dignified in dressing-up...nicely...but who am I to judge what's naughty or nice? I'm nobody.

Bursting at the "Seems"

2007-06-20T16:46:00.000-07:00

The other day, it seemed that a lady in a passing car was yelling something at me and my husband and it seemed to me it was something hateful and could only be because of our headgear. Now, my husband says he didn't notice anyone yelling. And I'm not even sure what she was saying or who she was yelling at. Still, just the fleeting thought that she was bashing us made my heart sink. I felt misunderstood, victimized, and scared. Thankfully, it seems that yelling lady incident was not about what was on our heads, but it was probably just in my head.

Then later...

We got to the store. We saw a Muslim lady and her husband getting into their car. My husband said "As-salam-o-alaykum" to the man, and he seemed to responded hesitantly while the wife did not turn around. Then we saw some other hijabis but they didn't seem to notice us...

Now, it's not uncommon for us to greet other Muslims based on our headgear/hijab identification as Muslims. It's nice. But sometimes it can be strained and akward also. When the other Muslim seems to look away or ignore me, it makes me wonder...why? In a way, I understand it. Sometimes we just want to go about our business, not bother with being friendly, especially if we are not of the habit of doing so. Sometimes we're just not expecting so see another Muslim, so we just look away, not knowing what to do exactly.

Anyway...that's that.

Now I'm thinking about this other "issue" which seems to be part of the headscarf experience. So, of course, "hijab" is not just a headscarf, it means acting and thinking and dressing overall with modesty. And I've been reminded that among the Muslim women who cover, it seems there is some judgement-like thinking and chatter going on...

For example, in addition to my scarf, I have usually been wearing loose pants and a long sleeve shirt that hits me just at hip level....Some Muslims will say proper hijab should include the shirt covering your entire backside when worn with pants or skirt. Still, some Muslims will say, proper hijab means wearing the long, loose, jacket-dress called an abaya or jilbab. Some will say, proper hijab includes covering the feet, or just the top of the foot. Some will say there is no place for "fashion" in proper hijab. Still others will say proper hijab means nothing tight fitting, especially at the backside or the bust, you know... BUSTing at the seams... ;-) The photos above illustrate my examples.

Many Muslim women do not wear make-up as part of proper hijab. Some do not wear jewelry. And some believe that plucking/waxing/shaving body hair such as eyebrows is anti-hijab.

A lot of these differences depend on the type of sect one belongs to. Shia and Sunni scholars/schools of thougts may differ on what exactly proper hijab is. Still, some of the differences are cultural and personal and circumstantial. The details may seem silly. Some details are silly. But that's the fun of believing in things, in laws, in codes. Fun Fun.

I fit in somewhere in there somewhere sometimes sort of. I will wear brown lipstick when I go out to the store. I will wear make-up if I go to a formal party. I will wear a long necklace and bracelets. I was wearing flip flops until last week when I was told that my particular sect of Islam considers covering the top of the foot as part of proper hijab. I thought the whole foot could hang on out there. And maybe it still can. I haven't done my proper research into the matter just yet. I know I don't have it completely covered yet.

So I hope no other hijabi seems me and thinks, "she's not wearing proper hijab," but I'm sure they are. Seems like they just might...

It's Hot, but Still Cool.

2007-06-05T13:31:00.000-07:00
So when my brother=in-law and his wife came over, we talked about the headscarf a bit. And we talked about my husband's kufi a bit as well. Then after that, we were just chatting and laughing as usual about the kids and work.

And a few days ago, my husband and I went shopping at a store. A man walked up and said "As-salam-o-alaykum," which means peace be unto you and is the usual way for Muslims to greet each other. Then a minute later, a Muslim lady (all covered up) smiled at us and we all said As-salm-o-alaykum to each other. It was a nice, warm, friendly, and comforting few moments.

Today we took the kids to the park. It was hot. I was all covered up except for face and hands. Last year at this time, I would have been all covered up except for arms and hair and neck and ears. I'm sure I would still have felt hot. But I do indeed think...it was more hot this time. Still, a good thing was that I felt more protected against flying insects and bugs, which was nice because I dislike them a lot. And my mother-in-law was with us and she finally asked (after not asking a few time before) why I wear the headscarf. I think she finally did because, well, it was hot, we were at the park, and I was all covered up. I had told my hubby to explain the headscarf to her before, but he hadn't. So today was the day. She was cool with it. Except she said it must be very hot. ... When we were getting ready to go the park, I had the thought of course that other park-goers would think I was outta my mind being all covered up in the hot park. I'm sure some folks think it looks quite ridiculous. I used an example in a previous post of a man being in a business suit. In that context, in an office, the less skin is shown, the more one is covered up, the more dignified and professional they appear. But imagine a man in a park, during summer, chasing after his kids---in his business suit--one would wonder--why doesn't he change his clothes?! Anyhow, that's how I must appear to some people...but it's okay, it's cool.

Head Inside

2007-05-31T13:01:00.000-07:00
My kids often play on the back balcony of our apartment from which the windows and balconies of many other residents are in view. So I have to cover my head-and-all even to step out on the balcony for a few seconds just in case some male is out there.

My brother-in-law (my husband's brother) and his wife are coming to visit our apartment. So I'll cover my head-and-all in front of him.

A big part of my brain is saying, "come on, what's the big deal, here? why do I have to cover my head and all in these two situations?" Before I wore the headscarf, I never would have thought twice about showing my hair/neck/ears in those situations. But now, I turn to this verse in the Holy Quran: 024.031

"And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils
over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, their fathers, their husband's fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women, or the slaves whom their right hands possess, or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! turn ye all together towards God, that ye may attain Bliss."

So there it is, very clear. Husband's brothers and neighbors-passing-by are not on that list, and I understand the reasoning behind it--but that is not the point of this entry. The point is that I'm still experiencing new things on this "scarf team" as I called it on the first day back ;-) So that's that. Let's see what's next...

Colorful Pictures

2007-05-29T22:41:00.000-07:00

Pangs and Bangs

2007-05-29T09:06:00.000-07:00
Most of us women get pangs of nostalgia, right? About the way it used to be...even (especially?) about our appearance. As we get older, we remember our bodies being thinner and tighter--then we feel that pang. After we have children, we remember our chest and our ab muscles from pre-pregnancy days--then we feel that pang. For a lot of women, that pang turns into a sadness or an obsession--but I'm not talking about that kind of pang. I'm just talking about a simple, little, pang of nostalgia. I felt that about my hair the other day. I was looking in a mirror at home and thought, "wow, I'm having a good hair day, it's falling in curls here and there...it looks cute!" Then I felt that excitement we feel when we feel good about our appearance, that excitement that somehow tells us to show it off...like..."look at me...see me...notice this cute hair!" and then PANG! i realized...DUH...headscarf...no one is gonna see this cute hair day today or any other day for a long time (except my family). But it's still cute. Isn't it? If a tree falls in the woods but no one is around...does it really make a sound? :-)

The experience of that pang for my cute hair days felt a bit like a "before headscarf" and "after headscarf" moment. A moment of nostalgia of those carefree days of letting it all hang loose. But I got over it quickly. This time. I think it was harder to let go of those pangs when I was in high school. High school is about YOUTH..and youth is about beauty and shining and flaunting, at least in our society.

And that reminds me of something else. Someone I know mentioned that when she first started wearing the headscarf, the first 3 to 6 months were OK, but then things started getting more difficult and harder to deal with, in terms of how others treated her. That's also sort of like me in high school. The first few months with the scarf were OK...but after awhile, the negativity starts building up. The longing for acceptance and belonging grows...and lonliness and depression can set in. That's what happened in high school.

I hope that doesn't happen to me this time. It's only been a month, and so far so good. I feel good about doing this, I believe in this. And except for some pangs about my bangs...

It's still worth it.

Here I Am!

2007-05-25T22:41:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to taking a few snaps of myself with the headscarf...

And I want to give a shout out to all the folks who I know for sure have been reading my blog, specifically, Kathleen, Jon Yusuf, Amir, Leslie, and Amber. Thank you all for your kindness and support!

Thankfully, I'm really feeling good about wearing it, and it seems I have nothing more to say about it! But perhaps there's still more to come. I'm surprised I had this much to say already. So stay tuned.

Back in the Day

2007-05-21T09:09:00.000-07:00
I found an article I wrote for my high school magazine. The date on the front of the magazine is May 1993, exactly 15 years ago. And I was 15 when I wrote it. I was writing about wearing the headscarf, explaining it. Reading it now, with a new perspective, I would say I was a little self-righteous, judgemental, in denial, and overly sentimental. But I was also very mature, if I do say so myself ;-) If I have time, I'll be able to present the exact text here on the blog.

I also remember back then being part of a girl's youth group in which I gave a presentation on the importance and significane of hijab/headscarf. I also remember being told by one of the other members that if a man sees just one hair on your head, then that's very very bad. And I remember telling my friend that I did not want to go to the ice cream place with the group because it would bother me when the girls who did not always wear the headscarf would take theirs off in the store.

And I rememeber going to school every day and being laughed at, talked down to, and even physically harassed (objects thrown at me, people literally breathing down my neck).

But I also remember carrying "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" in my pocket and someone telling me I was cool. And several of the African American kids would say "As-salam-o-alaykum" to me in the hall. And one of the African American teachers was extra nice to me, even hugging me once.

My friend and I had both started wearing the headscarf at the same time at the same school. I remember starting to cry when I told her I could not bear to wear the scarf anymore. She put her arm around me and said it was okay. She kept on wearing the scarf at school. She was a lot stronger than me, the type that flipped off the big dudes who yelled at us as we drove home from school. Funny thing, she currently doesn't wear the headscarf, but she says maybe someday soon she'll wear it again.

Well it's wedding season nowadays. I'm looking forward to trying out my new headscarves at the dress-up parties. As a side note, in some cultures like mine (Pakistani) there is sometimes an "issue" with a single woman wearing a headscarf. Families with sons looking for wives sometimes frown on the idea of the headscarf, so the girls do not get as many "proposals." It's not always the case, in fact, sometimes it's the opposite with families wanting a hijabi girl only for their son. It's not a big deal. Just thought I'd mention it.

Ok, anyway, be back later. InshaaAllah (If God wills it).

What Are You Lookin' At?

2007-05-15T22:14:00.000-07:00
the cashier at target did not say hi to me. usually they say hi to me. the cashier at albertson's didn't turn around when i asked her if her aisle was open. did she hear me or not? the first thought that comes to mind is, they're acting this way because of my headscarf. before the headscarf i'd probably think they were having a bad day or just jerks in general. but now it's always gotta be about the headscarf. okay, it's not that serious. as long as i remind myself to stay cool and not paranoid, it's better if i just go ahead and keep thinkin' they're just jerks having bad days. anyhow, when someone is friendly to me or smiles at me now, i get a bigger amount of joy from it. it's like, "wow, this person is nice. this person is not disturbed that i look different from the norm," or even better, "this person knows i'm different, and therefore is trying to make me feel welcome regardless."

anyhoo...i'm glad i am a married stay at home mother. if i was in high school or had a out-of-the-home job where i had to see many many people every day, i'm sure my experience would be a lot more difficult. as a stay at home mother, i can choose where i go, how i often i go, and if i go. that helps when i'm having a "don't look at me cuz i know you're looking at me day--a bad day."

a good day is just going about my business with good intentions and thinking everybody else is doing the same.

Shopping

2007-05-13T11:07:00.000-07:00

i went shopping alone the other day. i saw 2 other ladies with full head covers. i tried to make eye contact with the first one, but she wasn't looking my way. then, through the corner of my eye i noticed her notice me as i walked by. the second lady was busy with her son so she didn't notice me either. anyway, it was a nice feeling to not be the only one with the headscarf. it would have been an even nicer feeling if we had made eye contact and smiled, but better luck next time.

shopping is a bit more fun now for me. now i know i can just focus on long-sleeved shirts that cover (not sheer), so it's fun to hunt and actually find something that works and fits.

then yesterday my husband and i went shopping with the kids. my husband recently started wearing a "kufi" which is a crocheted-knit cap (photo)that some muslims wear out of tradition (not out of religious duty). but he wanted to wear it to show support to me, as he would stand out like i would as looking different. that was nice of him. he said he was self-conscious of being mistaken for a foreigner too, even though he looks like a white guy in general. so that helps him to understand my experience a bit. when he went to the islamic center with his kufi on, the islamic leader (imam) made sure to tell him that it wasn't a requirement of men to wear it. so now my husband doesn't want to be mistaken for an over-zealous convert. ha.

and just to qualify, of course i know, there's nothing wrong with being a foreigner or immigrant...the point is that we don't want to be mistaken for something we're not, right?

it's all good. no big deals.

New Perspectives

2007-05-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book about women's issues in Islam. I've learned much from it. It's written in Q & A format and often asks the questions that I have had. While I read it, I feel more secure in committing to the headscarf and praying on time and learning more about my religion.

http://www.amazon.com/New-Perspective-Women-Islam/dp/0971042004/ref=sr_1_2/102-5487803-6844911?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178745663&sr=1-2

Chin Pin

2007-05-08T15:46:00.001-07:00

So I've been wearing a triangle shaped scarf, pinned under my chin with the loose ends tied behind my head. It's been fine, I'm getting used to it (again). It's all good in the hood. Ha Hee. Ok, so the main thought of I've had is, "boy, I sure look different than everyone else," but then I recover by realizing, "well, I am different in a lot of ways than (most) everyone else," in terms of my current beliefs (a shia muslim), values (e.g. don't focus on looking attractive/sexy/staying young), and actions (muslim prayer, fasting, no drinking alcohol [never have], only eating halal foods [no pork, only islamically killed meat called zabiha meat], no naughty TV or movies, and even not listening to music on a regular basis]. So I'm different, right? It's okay. It's difficult, but okay :=) And yes, there are some shia muslims who are very similar to me, yet do not wear a headscarf. And yes, there are some other religious and non-religious people who share the same values as me. But if you put it all together, my identity is muslim and the headscarf just tops it all off.

I've also noticed that covering up completely--even in summer heat--somehow feels more dignified, more elegant. It's not easy to explain the feeling, but I get the image of those proper English ladies, with their big dresses, bonnets, and gloves...you know what I mean? It's not a good enough explanation, but the point it...more clothes mean more dignity and elegance...just think about those men in their high power suits...the only things they show are their head and arms, the less skin...the more professional. you know?

Mummy Dearest

2007-05-01T22:05:00.000-07:00

I think I may have mentioned before that the thing I find the hardest to get used to in wearing the scarf is how it must cover the neck...that fabric around the neck can feel odd until one gets used to it. It sometimes reminds me of a mummy or a large bandage. I can laugh about that now. Ha Ha Ha Hee Hee Hee :-)

Anyhoo...I am getting more accustomed to it. My parents know I'm wearing it now, and they like it! so that's one less thing to think about :-)

Online Comments

2007-04-29T15:13:00.000-07:00
ugh. i've been reading too many of those comments that people write online after viewing (or not viewing) items on YOUTUBE about Islam, Muslims, and/or hijab. ugh. some people are so ugly with their bigotry and hateful insults. it disturbs and disheartens me that they are in the world walking around or typing things on their computers. enough of that. maybe i'll never open this blog up to comments. i do want it to be open to whoever has the inclination to read it because i think it has the chance to broaden some people's view of certain things, but i do not want to open myself up to hear the hate. still, i wish there was a way i could know how many times my blog has been viewed, like a counting ticker. there probably is a way, but i'm too discomblogulated to figure it out. (i know discomblogulated is not a real word...:-)

Beauty, Modesty, Dignity, Piety

2007-04-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

i've seen several PRO-Hijab videos online which intend to educate and spread the message of hijab/headscarf. one thing i've noticed is that i don't like that whole "i wear it so you won't judge me by my beauty" thing cuz that seems sort of...vain...and plus...there are plenty of all-covered-up beautiful/attractive women out there (photo). and i'm not too enthusiastic about the "it preserves my dignity/modesty" thing either. i think it is possible to do that without having to cover you head, ears, and neck (emily dickinson's portrait is very dignified and modest--don't you think?). and many women of other religions (photos) dress modestly and with dignity as well, so the muslim dress doesn't own those two concepts. and to focus only on the modest/dignity aspect of the headscarf/hijab implies that those women in today's world who show their hair, neck, and ears (photo) are not modest/dignified...which seems judgemental to me.

so to focus mainly on "do it to stop sexual harassment" takes the emphasis off the simplicity of the idea that it is (most likely) part of the CODE of God. and if means following God's Code...i want that one to apply to me too. i say "most likely" because there's still a percentage of me that doesn't fully accept the perfection of anything, other than the true existence and nature of God. and anyway, let's assume that covering everything except face, hands, and feet--IS the PERFECT dress code for women prescribed by God--that doesn't mean that we has humans can understand and know the exact reason for it. we just need faith that it's a perfect prescription...the idea i do like is the "mark of piety" one. i think that works for me. i understand that one, and i want that one to apply to me. hmm...so that means i need to start working on being more pious instead of letting my other thoughts bog me down. i should just call this my bog blog and let it all go on here. send it all out into cyberspace...

Little Mosque on the Prairie

2007-04-26T15:02:00.000-07:00

"LITTLE MOSQUE ON THE PRAIRIE is a new comedy from CBC Television about a small Muslim community in the prairie town of Mercy, many of whose residents are wary of their new, more “exotic” neighbors. The series takes an unabashedly funny look at the congregation of a rural mosque and their attempt to live in harmony with the often skeptical, even down right suspicious, residents of their little prairie town. The sitcom reveals that, although different, we are all surprisingly similar when it comes to family, love, the generation gap and our attempts to balance our secular and religious lives."

There are some Muslims who are against this show. They say that it is a show "against" Muslims and Islam because it takes some aspects of Islamic living "lightly" [and depicts Muslims and Islam as something other than perfect].

Other Muslims appreciate this show. They think that it is refreshing to see Muslim characters (including an outspoken and intelligent--albiet often rude--Canadian Muslim woman wearing a headscarf!) discuss and "act out" Islamic anecdotes. Of course the show is not perfect (there is often dialogue and plots that makes me squirm, and I wish it wasn't so over-the-top), but in general, I am glad it's on the air somewhere.

It's Lonely at the Top (of my head).

2007-04-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

I have been wearing a big floppy hat and a scarf around my head, ears, and neck. I think I look like a slightly odd version of those sophisticated women at the Kentucky Derby. I know it may even look stranger than a typical pinned or (amira type) scarf, but I just feel more comfy with my hatscarf.

When I went to Wal-mart the greeting guy said "welcome. welcome to our store" as if I was an immigrant and he was saying, "welcome to our country." Hmm...ok, ok, I'll admit it might have been my imagination. But I've noticed some stares and glances at my headgear.

The more I look at myself the way that (I assume) other non-Muslim people look at me when they see a typical amira style or pin under chin triangle shaped headscarf, the more lonely I feel.

I was watching my favorite show, "Everybody Loves Raymond," and imagining the wife character wearing a scarf on her head. It seemed impossible and down right uneccessary (from their view).

And of course there are NO headscarf wearing women seen regularly on American TV at all. The Oprah Winfrey show has had 2 or 3 shows featuring a headscarf wearing woman, but even then Oprah seemed mystified by the concept. And The Tyra Banks show has had 2 or 3 shows featuring the headscarf issue, one in particular included a Muslim teen explaining why she does NOT wear it, and a Muslim teen explaining why she DOES wear it-- that was cool. "Sesame Street" has a girl with a headscarf run across the screen with other children in its opening credits. I like that. And there was one episode of "Seventh Heaven," about a Muslim girl in a headscarf being bullied at school--another good one. And there is a Canadian television show called "Little Mosque on the Prairie," which features life-like, funny, flawed, and intelligent Muslim characters--but that's way up in Canada.

And still, the lack of headscarves on American TV and in its culture reminds me of how different Muslims are from mainstream America...just in terms of values. The dress code value is a BIG one, I think. Then there's the praying 5 times a day, no alcohol or pork consumption, and the no dating thing. Muslim Americans are Americans, but our daily lives are quite different in their emphasis and priorities. Of course, that is a good thing, it's a diverse thing, it's a true thing. But I think it's a lonely thing too, which makes it difficult and explains why many born-Muslims have stopped valuing those things as well.

Oh, and it'd be great if some female celebrity became a Muslim and started wearing the headscarf. I mean, the guys have boxer Mohammad Ali, and basketball greats Kareem Abdul Jabar and Hakeem Olijawon. But just think of all the cool publicity Muslims would get if Julia Roberts or Gwenyth Paltrow became Muslims. Ok, Ok, I'll admit I waste a lot of time with my imagination.

Another Day, Another Bother

2007-04-23T14:46:00.000-07:00
A few phrases have swirled around in my conversations and thoughts the past few days. "Fear of God," "Fear of other people," "Faith in Islam," "Obedience to God," "Obedience to husband," and "Proper hijab," just to name a few.

And I've discovered another bother that I have in regards to the headscarf. I discovered (again) that I have a big fear of what my own family, immediate and extended, would think about the style of headscarf I wear and even my reasons for doing so. It's interesting to note that hardly anyone in my own Muslim family does wear it. In fact it's interesting to note that hardly (relative to the entire population of identified Muslims) many Muslims in America wear it.

Anyhow, I've been wearing a Pakistani dupatta wrapped around my head, ears, and neck. It does require some re-adjusting when I move out and about, which is a place I don't go very often--out and about.

I suppose the next posts I have will involve encounters, discussions, and other moments in regards to the good and bad experience of wearing the Muslim headscarf.

Here's hoping for more good than bad! :-)

Baby Steps

2007-04-21T07:00:00.000-07:00
Day 3.
I know now that doing this full-on is going to be very difficult for me. My two main limitations are my own view of the headscarf and my anxiety issues. I'm not just concerned that others will see me and think, "she is odd," I myself think IT IS ODD! And my way of dealing with this idea is to be very self-conscious and feel very trapped.

No one in my immediate family wears it. Only one or two of my friends do. And I am an extremely shy person (I don't talk very much, especially in groups of 3 or more). And I am SO NOT the life of a party. I'm a wallflower.

So there it is. I think the headscarf is odd. And I'm embarassed by it. That's just me. Those are my faults.

If I'm going to continue this without chucking the whole thing, I've got to start further away from the full-on pin it under your chin style. My style might not meet all the requirements of the hijab, but I have to start somewhere. A loose scarf over my head. A large hat with maybe a scarf around my neck or one of those fake turtle neck things. I'm making it complicated. But unfortunately, for me, it is.